Between feelings and rationality
I have just been diagnosed with ADHD. I am a 43 years old woman who ALWAYS felt strange with myself and with others. I always felt a strange force inside…
ADHD Journals
Adult ADHD Life
June 2012 Archives
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Contentions, contentions…everywhere contentions
I realize that ADHDers tend to have more interpersonal conflicts than than our non-ADD counterparts, and I also know that a lot of that is because of our difficulty regulating…
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Epademic
Alot has happened since my last blog… First in march my sister inlaw lot her 17 yr old Kevin . Kevin was her first born, whom was born with Spineabiphada…
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A prayer I will never forget ...
I am religious in my own unique way. I have created my own belief on religion and I believe in a higher power. There are too many things that have…
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When should you step away from medication?
I’ve been diagnosed for 10 years, and it’s been a lot of ups and downs. In addition to working on my ADHD, I’ve also been dealing with depression, anxiety and…
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Impulsiveness + Technology = OOPS!
There is only one problem with technology… the “SEND” button. Personally, I think that the “SEND” “ENTERS” and “OKAY” buttons should all have a 24hour ADHD recall button. I even have the perfect name for it… the “OOPS” button. It will be able to take back anything that you have sent off into cyberspace. Within a 24 hour period, it will enable you to un-tweet; de-mail; un-post; redo or read-thru. We could come away looking incredibly mature and responsible ” for a change! Lack of impulse control is a hallmark symptom of ADHD, and no matter the age group ” be it ADDorable nipper, angry ADDolescent or ancient ADDult ” we all struggle with impulse control at some stage. Some learn the hard lessons early with not too much repetition, while others are slow learners and continually bang their heads against the same old brick wall again, and again and… Seriously, are you really going to make me say it? Surely you get the picture! I(tm)m sitting at my keyboard, hanging my head sheepishly. Yup, you got it…I fit into the 2nd group. I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult - not the ancient type, well, not THEN anyway. I was thrilled to know that my impulse issues were not my fault, but something justifiably not quite right in the head ” ummm sorry, neurological pathways. Enter the miracle that is Ritalin and voila ” nary an impulsive moment again! HA, I wish! Read the small print. Ritalin reduces the impulsivity rate of ADDers ” but doesn(tm)t magically take away the habits of a lifetime. Are you a Tactless-Tessie; Are you are a loud mouth Know-it-all? Sorry to be the bearer of bad news - no drug in the world can remedy that. Nope, it(tm)s not going to happen. A lifetime of being impulsive and not being able to control it doesn(tm)t just fade away. Each time we react without thinking of the consequences, we are building the highway to a habit. These habits become ingrained and entrenched into the very core of our being. They become who we are; our personalities; our characters. Many people grow to accept, embrace and sometimes even revel in these traits that we feel define us, but many more of us just use those feelings to rationalize our rashness. Self esteem can plummet, and self worth flies out the window with the last tweet. The best way to deal with impulse is by learning the skills desperately needed, but hopelessly missed along our ADDled life path. Remember, pills don(tm)t give you skills. So then why take the meds in the 1st place? Well, the way I see it (and have experienced it) the meds are the closest thing that we(tm)ll ever get to that “OOPS” button. Meds can give us that one second pause - which is often all that is needed ” and why would you want to take that huge ADDvantage away?
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Building a Support System
(First, if there are strange characters in this post, I apologize. They don(tm)t appear at all when I type or preview so there is no way for me to change them. It happens when I post. If anyone has tips on how to stop this, please let me know.) I have recently started working with a therapist to help me with my ADHD with underlying depression. We are working to find the right medication, and she is helping me learn to be more present among several other issues. In one of our first sessions she mentioned to me that with almost any therapy where one is look to really change their behavior and their life, there comes a point when the therapy gets very tough. This will be the point when I(tm)m really starting to make progress, but it will be hard and scary. Many patience quit because it(tm)s just too intense. We are not near that point yet. So far everything has been difficult and emotional, but not scary, not gut wrenching. Even so, the idea that I might quit and not make the changes I need has been on my mind. So, I decided that I should tell someone (since I live alone) who can at least call me every week, check up on me, make sure I(tm)m going. I decided to ask my brother. We have always gotten along well and although we haven(tm)t been close recently due to our schedules and life just getting in the way, I feel comfortable talking to him. About 5 years ago, when he decided to join AA (and take it seriously this time) he confided in me about how bad his drinking had gotten and many other things. He was a functioning alcoholic so I was surprised at the extent of his disease. Given that he had been so open with me, and that he has something he has to deal with every day and needed to get help for, and that he has been very successful in getting well, I thought he was the natural choice. I invited him over to my apartment on Monday and spilled! I was a little nervous that he would think ADHD is a made up thing or that I shouldn(tm)t need help but I told him anyway. He couldn(tm)t have been more supportive!!! He listened to me about my struggles, and he seemed to understand how much it must suck. We found we could relate to each other in many ways. He had to learn a new way to live and new ways of doing things. He had to look at himself and really change, and that is what I am in the process of doing now. When I asked if he would check in with me every once in a while (hoping he didn(tm)t think that was silly) he said absolutely! He told me the point where many people walk away from AA (as he did a few times earlier in life) is step 4 and 5. In those steps, you have to look at yourself and admit your character defects, and then you have to tell another person everything. Anyway ” point is, he understands that working on yourself is incredibly hard if you do it for real and that it(tm)s a good idea to have someone help you through it. So now, not only do I have a supporter who I can talk to about whatever and will make sure I don(tm)t “fall off the wagon”, but I will be building my relationship with my brother again. The support is not a 1 way street, he can talk to me about anything too or we can just hang out like old times! Anyway, if anyone out there is going through therapy, I would suggest you find someone to support you through it. Someone you can trust, and who you know you won(tm)t lie too. And someone who tells you to be proud of going to therapy and dealing with your ADHD (or with anything really) and not make you feel low. And if there is one person who has popped into your head for some reason, even if you can(tm)t pinpoint why, that is the one to ask. Remember we are very intuitive people! You are probably right to go with your gut. I was.
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Was trying a new medication now a mistake?
I�(tm)m having a hard time waiting for Vyvanse to kick in. I was on Wellbutrin for about a month and although it made a difference, it wasn�(tm)t a very big…
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A Thank You…to my ADHD
Rarely one who cries, except for in the cases of death or grieving events, I was quite struck by the tears rolling down my face as they called my name…
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Trying to Wake Up
This is my first journal post and my first day on any ADHD chat site. I was encouraged to join a group for support by my AWESOME new Doctor (who…
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The Great Procrastinator
Always as a child one of the many things on top of my boundless energy which challenged my parents and ultimately wore them both out was my constant trashing of…
