A Depression day

Posted by Skyeandante to Adult ADHD Life 2 months, 3 weeks ago | 0 Comments | Post a reply

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Hi there. Today I am feeling a bit depressed. I have been learning so much more about ADD over the last two weeks that i wanted to share some of that with like minded people, so I shared it with my mom, as she believes she has ADD too although she has never been diagnosed. So I go all happy and so grateful to have someone who would understand to share with, what reaction do I get? She tells me I am seeing myself too much in all the information I have been getting. I think, “Whoa, OK, I thought you would understand, anyway I am only sharing this because I thought you might be interested, and now you are in effect telling me I am using ADD as an excuse for who I am and what i am doing!!! News flash, I do have ADD, and the fact that learning I am not just lazy and stupid is actually helping my self esteem should mean more to you, since you have badgered me all my life about sorting out my self confidence!!!!!” I was so hurt and I felt so betrayed. and then the next day my dad says the same only including that I am paying too much attention to this information concerning my child, who is a beautiful 3 year old girl with possible ADHD, since I have it and her father does plus dyslexia, and also half my family does. And I am thinking “what, now you are accusing me of bad parenting as well?!!!!” Well i have news for you, at least, should my child have ADHD as I suspect, at least she will have one person in her life who understands and does everything in the world to help and support her, which is more than i can say for certain people in my life!! So yes, I am angry, I am hurt, I feel betrayed and pretty much alone in the world at this moment. I am a single mother, I struggle keeping my jobs, and I have only recently moved out for good, into a place for just me and my daughter. I struggle to keep my head above water where finances are concerned and me and my daughter have no medical aid to support us. So yes, on top of everything else, I am frustrated, I feel helpless and I worry about how in Heaven’s name I am going to be able to help my child should she have ADHD, since I cannot afford the medicine, or the behavioral treatment she might need. So sorry mom and dad, I was hoping for a little more support and understanding and I do not need you to heap more stress unto my already overloaded shoulders, so excuse me for crying alone at night and feeling like screaming at you at the top of my lungs and deciding it best I rather ignore you for a few days, and try and forget that you think me so pitiful as to be seeking excuses for who and what I am. And this is just one of many such days in my life. My parents seem to think I can’t think for myself an that I am not able to make informed decisions on certain aspects in my life, and that I am just altogether, useless, lazy, and over imaginative or something. So this is a rant as well as an attempt to share my frustrations and pain with people who might understand how I am feeling and have some advice, or similar experiences.

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