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ADHD Journal: Adult ADHD Life
ADD/ADHD Is Like Having an X-Men Super Power
I have not been formally diagnosed with ADHD, however, the more I learn about it the more I realize that I have had most of the symptoms for as long as I can remember. I struggled in school and eventually dropped out of high school. I remember not being interested and had a terrible time getting assignments completed or paying attention in class. I don’t remember not being able to sit still or having a large amount of energy, but I do remember having a difficult time making friends and I was picked on endlessly until I reached middle school.
I daydreamed a lot (still do) and always saw myself doing great things. I wanted to be a race car driver, stuntman, comedian, actor, ventriloquist, body builder (I was always very skinny and always teased, so I thought being big and muscular would help me), and the list went on and on. I did work out intently from an early age, but I had a tough time sticking with it and would always just stop doing it, unexpectedly. I started a lot of the things that I would day dream about, but would give up, always starting with great enthusiasm and never finishing, never seeing anything through. I am still the same way, for example, I kept saying to myself that I wanted to re-do the floors in my house, my carpet was gross (I am a clean guy, but carpet just gets gross after awhile no matter what) and I wanted it gone, but couldn’t afford new tile or anything. So, I thought that I would just rip out the carpet and polish the concrete, I kept day dreaming about how great it would look, but I just couldn’t get started. Then one day, I was standing in my kitchen looking at my floor and I just started doing it. I just worked on it and worked on it, completely engrossed in what I was doing. I would work on it after work and on the weekends, it was a ton of hard work, but I got it done. My floor looks great, but I just don’t understand why it’s so hard for me to be like that all of the time. Why can’t I be as intense as I was with my floor with everything that I do? It’s as though I have to scale a giant brick wall before I can do anything.
If I could do things with the focus and energy that I sometimes have all of the time, I would be like an X-Men Superhero. The characters in X-Men have these incredible gifts that have been with them from an early age. They weren’t bitten by radioactive spiders nor did they come from other planets. They were born with gifts that until they learn to use them are really curses. I believe that we all have a very special gift and once we learn to use it we are capable of incredible things. Realizing that I very likely have ADHD is not realizing that I have a flaw of some sort; I finally understand my true potential. What I was like as a kid makes sense now. I have a lot of creativity and nothing ever seems impossible to me, my mind is free in a way, I see things through a unique lens. I have a lot of ideas and a ton of varied interests, my goal is to learn how to harness the “power” of ADHD, so that I can accomplish great things, all that I am truly capable of, in my lifetime.