Between feelings and rationality

Posted by Annie Counie43 to Adult ADHD Life 10 months, 4 weeks ago | 0 Comments | Post a reply

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I have just been diagnosed with ADHD. I am a 43 years old woman who ALWAYS felt strange with myself and with others. I always felt a strange force inside that made me a creative person but also a person who didn’t finish my projects, didn’t follow through with people, didn’t like routine, can’t get organise financially, etc…etc….

I have been in therapy for 20 years wanting/needing/struggling to understand what was going on. It is through my daughter’s behavior at school that I read a portrait of me. It struck me like a lightening!

I’m still stunned, sad, angry, disappointed. Rationally, I know its a good thing, a blessing, NOW I will be able to tackle the real thing. My ghost has materialize and I should rejoy. Well, I am unable to do that right now.

And thats not all.

I have divorced recently (I understand now that ADHD has alot to do with it), so I went back looking for work (I was a stay home mom). As I am tackling that aspect of reality, nightmares starts to occur, I need to work to eat, and enjoy life but I can’t find the spot inside of me thats says go go go…. I don’t want to work with human anymore. I’d like to make and sell my jam, or work with animals, work alone, write, anything that will keep me safe.

I have started to get involve with a career specialist but its gonna take 6 months to get my career plan… meanwhile I need to find work but tears roll down my cheeks everytime I imagine myself going to work with people. It feels as if I have fooedl myself to long, trying to fit (I didn’t know any other way) and its as if, now, my body and emotions can’t stand it anymore.

Loved ones (non-ADHD) have a hard time understanding me, they are starting to get impatients and I can relate.

But my heart is telling me something and I’m not quite sure what to do with it.

Any idea? Have you ever been in that kind of position?

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