Out of Order

Posted by LoveMyADHDkid to My ADHD Child 1 week, 3 days ago | 0 Comments | Post a reply

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What do you do with something that is €œout of order? € You fix it, you put a sign on it, or you throw it away. Far too often, this is the life experience of children with ADHD. I know. I have one.

Kids with ADHD are often seen as €œout of order. € They don €(tm)t align with standards. Standard testing. Standard behaviors. Standard expectations. Standard energy. Standard memory.  Their brains function differently.

Or perhaps, even worse than being €œout of order, € they are often considered in €œdisorder. € They aren €(tm)t just broken; they are disruptive. They are a problem. They must be handled or reconditioned.

I get it. As a society, we want to make sense of things. We want to put a round peg in a round hole. When someone hands us a square peg, we don €(tm)t know what to do with it. We try pushing it in the hole. When that doesn €(tm)t work, we put it in the reject pile, or shave its edges, or pretend it doesn €(tm)t exist.

Now, for a moment, image you are the child with ADHD. You can €(tm)t change anything. This is how God made you €” with energy that never runs out, an uncontrollable urge to say and do whatever your brain imagines, and a nearly-impossible-to-stop forgetfulness.

You are a square peg. It was clear from day one. You never did things like everyone else.  When the kids in the two-year-old room were napping, you were running and giggling. When every other five-year-old was sitting Indian-style listening to the pastor tell the children €(tm)s story, you were somersaulting back and forth across the stage.

By kindergarten, adults in extracurricular activities were calling you rude. By the fourth grade, teachers were blowing up at you. On several occasions, adults put their hands on you in anger. Mom and dad didn €(tm)t understand at first, so they used harsh discipline. Your peers €¦..oh, your peers €¦.. With them, it never ends. Year after year after year you hear, €œYour weird, € and €œNobody likes you. € You get shunned on a regular basis, often finding yourself sitting all alone.

Now imagine that ADHD kid without any clinical support - without a school psychologist or a counselor; without parents who care; without friends. We wonder as a society why kids crack. I went through trauma as a young person and I remember how it felt. Imagine if every day was a trauma.

I am the parent of an ADHD child and I care. I am learning every single thing I can about ADHD. I am setting up support networks, seeking help for us, debriefing with my daughter when she cries at night, and searching for healthy friendships for her with people who understand. Still, with all that, we are often in immense pain. I can €(tm)t image the child who has no one.

So what is my point? If we walk away with nothing else from reading this collection of words, we should walk away with this one thing: ADHD kids are not €œout of order. € They don €(tm)t need to be fixed or labeled or thrown away. They need to be loved. They need to be appreciated for the beautiful gifts they have instead of torn apart for not meeting standards. They need someone to talk to, not someone who yells at them and puts them down. They get enough of that. They need patient and caring people who can teach them to manage themselves, not be managed by others.

I once saw a telephone booth with two big pieces of tape in an €œx € across the door and a sign hanging loosely from a string that said €œout of order. € Even now, the image of it makes me cry. I cry because the world hangs a sign around their necks that says €œout of order € and their beautiful little faces reveal sad eyes. I don €(tm)t know what happened to that telephone booth, but I close my eyes and image it on the stage of a Broadway play. It €(tm)s a shiny, perfectly-placed prop. It has purpose, just like my little girl.

I will say this. We have come a long way in our country. When I was a kid, we had family members with ADHD. Yet, we didn €(tm)t even use terms like ADHD. No one talked about it. Today, the dialogue is wide open; but we have a long way to go as a society in learning how to nurture these beautiful little creations €” these square pegs in a big, round world.

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