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ADHD Journal: My ADHD Child

Imperfect Mom

“You don’t need a son, Mom. You need an android, because you yourself is an android.”

“Android? What do you mean?”

“Yes, a robot with human appearance. I doubt if you are a human being. No human being would be so perfect in everything that you are and that you expect out of me. But unfortunately I am not an android and I can’t help.”

So we have another showdown today. My teenage son with Attention Deficit Disorder is now furious and blurting out adjectives at me - some of which I understand and some of which I don’t as those are from those fantasy books that he believes to be real.

It has become our daily ritual. First I remind him of the tasks, mostly school homework and other daily chores, that he needs to finish on that day. He ignores. Then I start requesting him to complete those. He promises to start after some time. And finally after 2-3 hours of persuasion I give up, but not without our daily share of fight. It is becoming more and more difficult to deal with him. We have stopped appreciating each other for everything that we are. He hates my perfection and I struggle to come to terms with his imperfection.

Perfection comes automatically to me. I never had to put extra effort to do anything perfectly. At his age I was a topper at school, also excelling in all sorts of extra curricular activities except sports. My health was not perfect though which prevented me from participating in exhausting physical activities. But it never stopped me from enjoying every other vocation taught or encouraged in school. Should I call it obsession - somewhat a manifestation of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? But I was not ritualistic or repetitive. I was simply passionate - passionate about picking up new skills everyday and giving my best to complete a task. My room was impeccably clean and organized, so were my school copies. And it was absolutely effortless. I never spent time in organizing myself or my room simply because I was never lost or I never misplaced anything. So I fail to understand why it is an enormous task for my son to organize small things that he uses everyday. No matter how hard I try I can’t imagine how the printed letters fly away from the book when he tries to learn a chapter. How can someone be in the middle of a conversation and not register a single word? How does it feel when you have Attention Deficit Disorder and can’t manage the simplest task which requires a few minutes of focussed effort? His ADD has added only misery to his life and a sense of failure in me. I was perfect at everything but could not be a perfect mom.

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