On the subject of ex’s

Posted by SweetMemento to Adult ADHD Life 7 months ago | 0 Comments | Post a reply

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Romance and relationships, are not my strong point.  In fact, I have failed several times, leading me to cling to the idea that, “I am neeever dating again”.  Sooner than later I stop fooling myself, go on several dates, and eventually face an interesting end…the last, ended via text on the fourth of July.

I was crushed….so much so that instead of giving up I examined this pattern of hopelessness.  Meet someone, quickly fall in love, go crazy, then have a breakup/meltdown; repeat. 
My love train was consistently on the wrong track, and usually within six months to a year, a wreck followed leaving me with more questions than time to find answers..so after a conversation with a friend I took my random thoughts to twitter:

“Love is powerful, there is a feeling of despondency when someone says they love u no more. Look to #God, that love lasts always”

And, yes that love lasts always, but is it possible that my love (or what I wanted to be love) doesn’t fade, only adapts to the
new life I am living? In this awareness is it easier to move on?

Furthermore, what would we say for the one I so happily gave my heart to… “Thanks for the memories, now go off to the land of lost loves…..please”.  Is it that simple when there are feelings, friends, or furniture to consider. 

Exs’ are an interesting part of life..love to hate or hate to love its like where do they fit in our mental closet? They aren’t like our family that we know regardless of what we go through they will stick around, and are a little more than acquaintances.  Are they like the sweaters that came to you as a gift, they covered you when you were cold and became so comfy eventually they grew on you.  You didn’t take the time to admire your sweater as much as you could have, but you loved them even when they started to unravel at the seams a bit.

You took up for those sweaters when someone pointed out their flaws.  You paraded them in front of family on holidays. Eventually, they started to itch too much for you to scratch or weren’t a good enough fit anymore.  So less and less you gave them your attention.  Those sweaters, much like our Exs, covered you on the coldest days, now bundled up in a bag of whats its, wondering when they will be dropped off at the nearest thrift for someone else to find beauty in. 

I am honest in my efforts to stop repeating my patterns so that the end of a relationship is as peaceful as possible.  I am starting to accept the complex and fragile adhd adult mind I have, and in protecting it, I have to first consider the type of people I allow into my life. 
I push for a spiritual connection, and know that has to be foremost in all my relationships. 
I work on my mental and emotional health because personal growth should always be moving forward, and even on my worst adhd days I have hope to look forward to.
I date with purpose, and that purpose isn’t a few months of chaos. 
I develop and respect boundaries. 
I communicate openly. 
I keep a positive attitude, and know that sometimes its better to just laugh and learn.

There is a magical list of values that I have given to myself.  I know I am imperfect, and the sooner I let go of my EXpectations the sooner I see dating should be an enjoyable experience.  I am in no rush. 

I am learning that the end of one thing is the beginning of another, pick up a hobby, catch up with family, organize the house and look to a new and welcome change for the future.  When I realize this, processing the past is less overwhelming.  With adhd difficult times (I.e. breakup) are devastating. 

I have to choose to make ammends with he past, accept, acknowledge, learn, and change.  It is not easy, but it is important..besides I know someday I may meet the sweater of my dreams.

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