Mother Guilt

Posted by hannabelle4y8t to My ADHD Child 5 days, 5 hours ago | 0 Comments | Post a reply

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#1 (male dob 2003) Has ADHD….it’s clear and meds help him.  They don’t make him unsocial.  They don’t make him a zombie. They help him.  W/O meds, He is hyper and can’t focus.  He is easily annoyed. He’s sensive. He has ADHD.  Clear as day.

#2 (male dob 2005) has/had anxiety. He’s shy.  He doesn’t give a shit about some things and isn’t afraid to show it.  It’s admirable really.  And the thing about parenting is we’re constantly trying to find these consistencies in our children and it’s impossible b/c they’re constantly changing.  Why doesn’t it happen naturally to live and let live when it comes to our children?

When I say he has/had anxiety…it really has been a personality trait of his all his life.  Even as a baby, he was very clingy and needed me 24-7.  I had to quit the gym b/c he wouldn’t go to the daycare center for me.  He needed to see me all the time.  He panicked.  Kindergarten he really struggled.  Or it appeared he did.  It was around that same time that we had gotten #1’s ADHD (and Dad’s) figured out when his struggles came to light.  His teacher (high energy/too hard on the kids IMHO) complained that he wasn’t focusing. He didn’t follow directions. He didn’t listen when spoken to. He was slow. He forgot stuff constantly (like homework - stupid stuff really!) So we tried him on some meds much the same that we tried #1.  They worked.  Yet, he was a zombie.  So we stopped.  In first grade, he was flighty, couldn’t sit still in his chair, he didn’t listen.  Daydreamed.  Yadda yadda.  He also started having performance/social anxiety perhaps b/c he got into trouble a couple of times (silly things, no big deal really) and his teacher had some very serious family trauma happen and it was affecting the classroom.  Lots of anxiety.  He wouldn’t leave the house. Ever. Saw a doctor who started him on meds for depression/anxiety. With the antidepressants, things started clearing up, but instead of quiet shy we got boisterous and loud.  And squirrely. Really really bad.  We lowered the antidepressant dose stayed persistent with ADHD meds. By the end of the school year, we decided to pull him off the ADHD meds b/c he does fine at home. At the very end of the summer I got a job.  Found a home daycare and there we had problems. He was kicked out of the daycare for being violent.  We started him on ADHD meds (stims) and saw improvement but he was a zombie.  We were told we’d see improvement if we persisted on meds throughout the year.  There were no problems at all at school.  Good with friends, etc.  No drama all year.  But he he is very quiet and not engaging.  Not much social interaction.  Doesn’t make eye contact.  No animation comes from him.  The only time he shines bright is when he talks to Aidan.  And he used to be so creative! With these meds he isn’t. He has no interest in creativity.  When we try to engage him in something other than screens, he just plays along b/c he knows it will end and he can go back to screens.  The lack of creativity really is what caught our attention the most.  The other stuff felt so fleeting.  We could get him to pipe up and be expressive but it was so rare we weren’t sure if it was a personality trait of his or meds, b/c it’s been such a long time that we just started to get used to this version of him.  So summer comes, I quit my job, and we decide to take him off the meds. I’m also weaning him off his antidepressants.

Day 3 now, and he’s doing AWESOME.  He’s happy! He’s engaging!  He’s creative!  He’s interested in conversations!! He’s more patient!! HE’S BAAACK!!!!  So far so good.  Today he even went to a house with a boy who in the past hasn’t gotten along with. And he actually enjoyed himself and we had a conversation where he recalled stuff from the day.  I think THINK I’m doing the right thing and that leaves me feeling very very very guilty that I’ve been doing the WRONG thing for a year now.  How do I reconcile that? How do I accept that it happened and move forward without guilt?  I don’t know.

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