The New ADDitude Forums Are Live!Reach our full community by posting to ADDitude's discussion forums here
ADHD in Women
ADD + Comorbid Anxiety & Depression
I was diagnosed with ADD three years ago at the age of 40, though I was 99% certain I’d had it as far back as adolescence. I have comorbid depression and anxiety to boot. It’s extremely difficult for me to focus, I experience long periods of lethargy, and have an awful time controlling my impulses. Since my diagnosis, I’ve noticed the symptoms have become more pronounced. I suspect as woman going into perimenopause, my hormones might be influencing that. I take 20mg of Prozac and 10mg of Adderall daily. Pretty small doses, but as I’m extremely sensitive to medication, these amounts can’t be increased. I’ve tried, and the side effects were terrible. Otherwise, the meds help… a bit.
My primary problems, however, are the anxiety and depression. I can barely get out of bed most days because of them. As a result, I miss a lot of work, and recently dropped all of my classes for the Spring semester (I’m working towards a college degree) because everything seems overwhelming right now. Everything causes me anxiety, from picking socks to wear every morning to making plans with friends to sticking to my work schedule. I’ve become more isolated, I pick unnecessary fights with my partner, my debt has spiraled out of control, and I’ve started entertaining thoughts of suicide. Nothing gives me joy anymore, and everything feels like a chore. I can’t get help because I have no health insurance (can’t afford it), and I can’t work more than 30 hours per week because the anxiety I experience is too great. I say I can’t not because my PCP has told me, but because every time I’ve tried I’ve burned myself out to the point of madness. And to save anyone asking, I’m not in the least bit religious nor do I have a support network. My family are old-school Europeans who don’t discuss mental illness, and though my friends are great in other ways, they really don’t understand, so I get is mostly “snap out of it” type of responses from them. Even my boyfriend doesn’t understand the depth of my depression. They all try, but I think that unless someone has experienced mental illness for him/herself, there’s no way they can sympathize.
I feel cornered, and very alone. I have no one and nowhere to turn to, and no way of getting the help I need. I don’t even know what I hope to gain from posting this, because I’ve tried every suggestion imaginable. I’ve heard of people who are resistant to any kind of treatment, and I’m beginning to think I’m one of them. If that’s the case, then what is the point of living?