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Couples With One ADHD Partner

ADHD Trait or Annoying Personality?
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Is anyone else dealing with this… My ADHD husband will say the most random things to me that don’t even have anything to do with anything and then expects a response from me. Almost 100% of the time, I don’t know how to respond so I don’t, but then he seems put out that I didn’t acknowledge his randomness. Is this common of ADHD or is it just his personality? Thanks in advance for any input. I’m getting to the end of my rope and the conversations he tries having are getting on my nerves because they are always superficial and random. Also, does ADHD get worse with age? It is seeming like it over here. :(

Replies

I don’t know how common this is, but it is true of my husband too.  He doesn’t think his own conversation is tangential or lacking in basic sense or coherence, but I also just don’t know how to respond ( on occasion I do just tell him he is making no sense.  He doesn’t particularly appreciate that).

Beth

Posted by Labradorim on Apr 04, 2017 at 12:04pm

My husband will do similar things. We will be talking about one thing, a pause happens in the conversation and then he will switch topics and say something using lots of pronouns and expect me to know what he is talking about. I usually respond “Too many pronouns, I need some context.”

My Theory: Because his ADHD is untreated, I think that his thinking is disjointed due to distraction. I think that he forgets that I cannot read his mind and since he is acting on impulse, he doesn’t take the time to fill me in on the context before blurting out what is currently going through his mind. This happens more when there are lots of distractions, especially when the tv is on, and a lot less when it is just to two of us and no distractions.

Posted by Abner on Apr 04, 2017 at 12:29pm

YES! My ADD husband does the same thing. Out of the middle of no where, random bits of conversation with always (and I don’t use this word lightly) too many pronouns. I think I must say the same thing about “too many pronouns” on a daily basis. The other thing he does is he thinks he told me something,but the words don’t actually come out of his mouth.
As far as ADD getting better with age? My 63 yr old husband had been on meds (tried pretty much every one) throughout his 50’s. The past two years or so have been a real roller coaster. First he had a couple incidents of paranoia, was taken off ADD meds, put on Prozac. Then had what seemed to be two TIA’s in the spring of 2015. That caused extreme anxiety, and seemed like “wires are crossed” in his brain. When he had a neurological/physiological evaluation the outcome was “altered mental status”. That is when he had to retire and go on disability. Was all this related to ADD?

My theory is because as my husband’s life got more and more stressful with a job change, moving across the country for that job, a long commute, etc. he just couldn’t handle it all. Over the 23 years we’ve been married his ADD behavior ramped up the more life threw at him. He could manage his ADD while just single and working, add a wife, sprinkle in being foster parents, the ADD behavior increased. Now that he is retired, he’s not on any meds, I take care of everything. He doesn’t really have any responsibilities, his ADD behavior is still there, but I have become a master at working around those behaviors. Because of his disability I am the caretaker now, not really a wife.
Sorry I got off on a ramble, but I know you folks understand 😉

Posted by 82mercedes on Apr 04, 2017 at 1:49pm

Thanks guys! It’s nice to know I’m not alone. I just sometimes don’t know how to deal with his randomness.
82mercedes, that is an interesting perspective on how ADHD might get worse with age. That makes so much sense. My husband married into my 3 kids, so he went from single to instant family. So, yeah, the stress factor probably quadrupled and ADHD went into full effect. More so than when we were dating for sure!

Posted by Roxyfox80 on Apr 04, 2017 at 9:17pm

My husband does the same thing and also sometimes assumes he’s told me something that he hasn’t. I think he’s told me in his mind, but not out loud. I’m a little nervous to hear that symptoms might get worse with age, but I’m trying to find an ADHD coach (I’ve only been married to my husband for 8 months) who can help us build a strong foundation or at the very least, help me understand the impacts of ADHD better.

Posted by ADHDWife&SM; on Apr 25, 2017 at 8:24pm

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