Couples With One ADHD Partner
ADHD effects across 3 generations
I joined yesterday out of a desperate need to share and maybe get some understanding. Needless to say, I have a rather specialized dealing with this and maybe it will help someone make a decision. I just wish that I had had an opportunity to get before-hand knowledge.
I am a normal(?) woman of 70 years who has gotten my daughter and her family to move in with me. (around 3 years ago)
My husband died exactly a week before my grand daughter was born. At this same time my daughter was told that her company was downsizing when she attempted to come back from maternity leave - so they were in danger of not having a place to live. Her husband had spotty employment as a construction worker so his salary was barely enough to put food on the table.
To me it was like a God-sent puzzle coming together and a no brainer finance-wise. My daughter and her family moved in and agreed to take on as much as they could towards expenses. At first my social security check supported everyone because my daughter wanted to get a degree in nursing (which took a couple of years). During this time I had to have a hip replacement and two spinal fusions due to necrotizing-osteo-arthritus.
Obviously, it was a mutually productive arrangement.
Then I found out her husband had ADHD/Bipolar with clinical depression disorder. He was moody at best and we all walked on eggshells around him in order not to upset him.
Then my grand daughter who is now 5 was diagnosed with ADHD—(inherited) We have learned how to adjust to her behavior patterns. Both are on meds and seeing phychiatrists and doctors on a regular basis.
We recently learned from my son in law’s mother that this runs in her family and she nearly left her husband because he was so hard to live with.
I cannot begin to tell you the regrets I have had over my decision. The only reason they are still here is my daughter. She has developed a really bad weight problem and I have read that she probably eats to fill the emotional voids in her life. She is probably depressed too since she can see no way out of her present lifestyle. When things get really bad-I retreat to my “grand mother suite” and find that I am spending more and more time there. My son-in-law verbally taunts me and makes fun of or destroys everything I hold dear. When my daughter is at work and he comes home-I get back into my room and sometimes stay there until he goes to bed at 11 o’clock, He acts like he hates my guts and nothing I do makes any difference.
This is a hell of a way to spend my “Golden Years”.
I get up at 7 and and take my grand daughter to school and the come home and clean the house. At 3 o"clock I pick my grand daughter up and help her with homework until her father gets home-Then I pull my disappearing act until my daughter comes home. I keep her company for as long as I can. Then I go to my room until my house is my own again at 11.
My PLEA to others contemplating marriage to a person who seems a little unstable is get them tested BEFORE you tie the knot. Then get their family history and maybe even get genetic testing done. PLEASE remember that what you do will possibly-no- probably affect several generations of your family and loved ones.
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