New Issue!

Spring 2017 Issue ADDitude magazine Read the 'ADHD Therapies That Work' issue now!

The New ADDitude Forums Are Live!

Reach our full community by posting to ADDitude's discussion forums here

ADHD Adults

ADHD , nobody can see it but me?

Does anyone else have to deal with family members and others constantly bashing you for not living up to par with societal standards of being “normal”.

How many times do you hear the same old worn out tune of, “You just aren’t trying” or “You just don’t apply yourself”. “You can beat that!” Even after the diagnosis, it never seems to get better. People seem to be on board with support and after awhile it loses it’s luster and then it’s back to the same thing.

I would hope that people would know that NOBODY would want to deal with the hell we face everyday just in hopes of being to achieve some type of normalcy to function properly and peacefully. Because, let’s face it! It’s no easy task.

Nobody chooses to be this way, they just are this way.
I have grown to resent America’s macho persona of how a man ought to be and it’s frigid attitude of indifference to those inflicted by such conditions as ADD/ADHD and others. I have spent a lot of time thinking about things like this and I believe that the overall recovery rate of any mental illness would rapidly increase if only mental illness’ weren’t so stigmatized by media. This stigma destroys a person labeled with any type of condition dealing in mental health’s chances of being accepted socially in society.

Where I live, I’ve literally felt the unbearable pain of people treating you as you’re some sort of plague ridden monster that should be quarantined from the rest of society in fear that if they touch you they might take on this affliction themselves. It’s utterly ridiculous and completely uncalled for.

I’m convinced that Add/Adhders can be some of the brightest, most innovative, creative people that you could hope to meet. I wonder how many missed opportunities for great things that we could help contribute to society are missed because of this ignorant stigma?

While some areas are little more informed than others, I can only hope that most of you live in a place where the people are just a bit more open minded than the general population of where I live.

I’ve had this on my mind awhile and just wanted to clear my throat and share my thoughts on it…


I hear you. It is like we just landed on the wrong planet. People will never stop thinking we are work in progress and trying to become our educators. Our challenge is to become immune to all the crap and allow only the useful advice and helpful relationships to come through.

Posted by najn on Aug 06, 2014 at 3:33pm

Hear, hear. It’s aggravating as heck trying to deal with people’s misconceptions or just full-on ignorance. My own parents seem to fit in that category of ‘we-know-everything-and-we-know-ADD-is-made-up’ people. I’m sick of it. I wish they were a little more understanding and a lot more supportive… But I guess we all have our trials and struggles.

Posted by R.J on Aug 06, 2014 at 6:37pm

It is so incredibly frustrating…especially when you’re the only one with ADHD, and you don’t know anyone else who thinks or sees the world the way you do. 

I’m so appreciative that I discovered this website, and that I can now connect with you all.

Posted by Louis Wellmeier on Aug 06, 2014 at 8:50pm

I am sure we CAN change this… it’s not an option.  It is discrimination.  Cancer used to be whispered, as well as our Gay/ Lesbian folks had to whisper. Things CAN CHANGE.. NAMI has a web site that will send letters to law makers by just putting in the state and zip code.  Another ADHD site has this convenience as well.  Email congress and your representatives and be sure to find out where your candidates stand on mental illness issues before VOTE.  I am so glad you are fed up!!!!  We need more of us to get behind this .  WE must bring mental illness out of the DARK AGES!!!!!

Posted by jetergirl on Aug 06, 2014 at 9:53pm

This is exactly what is happening to me my parents think I can be a normal person and want me to be perfect but I can’t and they say try harder but I can’t. They just refuse to accept that I actually have a limitation T.T

Posted by jjcho849 on Aug 06, 2014 at 11:29pm

ya you folks know ..add is frustrating, all the mistakes and distractions..accepting me as I am. Am 60 and was diagnosed at 44..then “naturally” was divorced by wife,she thought it an excuse..thing is I try so hard and try hard to act normal so that probably confuses people who think I can do even better(and me)..realizing I am doing my best is hard for me to believe..probably so many years being told I could do better(like they know..LOL)

Posted by Dirk on Aug 07, 2014 at 2:41am

Feeling very misunderstood, Everybody thinks this it is an excuse for being lazy, Especially when you work twice as hard to do half as much as them, We know the problem. But what is the solution.

Posted by bornfree7777 on Aug 07, 2014 at 12:37pm

What is it that your family thinks you should be doing that you’re not? If they just have a vague notion that you’re not “normal,” then that’s their issue and not yours. If they have a problem with something you’re doing or not doing, maybe they can help you find a workaround. If they’re not willing to do that, then forget it. We all have strengths and weaknesses, and we all deserve to be valued for what we do well, not derided for what we don’t.

Posted by MrsPerky on Aug 07, 2014 at 6:30pm

wow its amazing to get on this sight in see all the people on here who totally"get it"n understand,sometimes i feel lyk an alien the way most see us is a total misunderstanding “the have blinders on it seems"its not that were not “normal"we just have totally different ways of doing things….but from what ive sen n add/adhd er’s is we strive so much harder to do things and it might take us a minute to “catch on” but in the end we achieve what we set out to accomplish n as for our work ethics usually were the first ones to get “elected” to get the job if it needs done"yesterday’....but then when it comes to getting reconized as a “normal person"were not talked about nicely….but i thank god for finding this sight n knowing im no talone n my struggles & im not “playing a victim"by feeling walked on 2 times….i dont want anyones sympathy i just want to be understood that just cause i may not catch on as fast as the next person or may have too much going on @ once in my not slow in my mind…or just cause i work way faster than the other people im not on drugs or speed….those comments might seem funny to people without add/adhd but i dont think they consider it hurts most of our feelings…

Posted by beautifullybroken on Aug 10, 2014 at 9:12pm

Reply to this thread

You must be logged in to reply. To log in, click here.
Not a member? Join ADDConnect today. It's free and easy!

Not a member yet? Join here »

Search the ADDConnect Group Discussions