My 14 year old daughter is ADHD/ODD too and it’s the same. I went to my Dr. and he put me on Xanax. I guess the best way to deal with is it accept it as it is and take care of yourself. Use consistency on discipline and educate yourself about it. Yelling and screaming don’t work although sometimes unavoidable, it’s more for us than for them. Acceptance. Find him an outlet such as karate or an art class, do it with him. Hang in there. You certainly are not alone in this! This website is a lifeline me!!

That’s good advice. As they say, some kids are easy to love but hard to raise. Sometimes they turn out to be the greatest adults. Take care of yourself in the meantime.

I don’t know if your son is exhibiting ADD, ODD or simply
7-year-old boy behavior. My son used to be extremely resistant, especially when I tried to get him to do homework. Giving him Ritalin made a huge difference. I also don’t allow him a pass unless he is extremely tired. I have found that he is extremely resistant when he hasn’t gotten adequate sleep.
    That happened to us yesterday. He had trouble sleeping the night before. Then he was up early for the Mardi Gras festival. After participating in two demonstrations, we went home. He changed into his cub scout uniform to go on a hike. He was so tired after that, it was impossible to complete Saturday home work with him without a complete meltdown. So, we stopped and got him ready for bed early. After a good night’s sleep, he is doing much better.
    The other thing I do with my son is practice radical existential parenting. I never make him do anything he doesn’t want to do. He always has a choice. But I also let him know that he doesn’t move on to the next activity until he completes the first, usually homework.
    If he doesn’t want to do it, or he gets overwrought, he gets a time-out in his room. There is no yelling or bribes or threats, just a time-out. Then, if the home work and time out takes up the time we would have used for the other activity, I tell him, “Sorry. It too late to do what you wanted to do. You took up all your time doing your homework.” After this happens a couple times, he gets it and resistance is no longer a problem.
      I also try to set him up for success when he does his homework allowing him the opportunity to feel proud of himself for completing the assignment as independently as possible. I ask him to show me how well he can do and then praise him when he does good work.
    Finally, I set up a merit based system to reward good school performance. He is rewarded when he does well and not rewarded when he does poorly.
    The key is not to freak out when your child is resistant. Don’t blame yourself. Accept it and calmly work through it. If you are consistent it’ll get better, but if you give in, you will only reinforce resistant behavior.

I recently went on blood pressure medication b/c my pressure was off the charts due to the constant stress I’ve experienced w/ our 15 yr old daughter with ADHD/ODD. She refuses to take medication. I believe the on-going stress has severely affected my health and I do not know how to lessen it (please see my post from today under ‘Parents with Teens/Young Adults w/ ADHD). Everyone tells me “it’ll get better someday” but ‘someday’, I’m afraid, will not come soon enough—my physical and mental health has been greatly compromised. I have always been a healthy, happy, active person but haven’t been so since our daughter started giving us major problems at the age of 12. Only thing I can think of to stop the constant conflict/stress, would be to remove myself from it entirely and send our daughter to a boarding school…for which we can neither afford and have received strong criticism for even considering. I fear I will have a stroke trying to parent a child who’s hard to love and even harder to raise.

Well, as you can see, if you ask, they will come. I love this website there are always parents to tell you what they’ve tried and how they are coping.  There are things that will work for you and some that won’t so you just keep trying. My 11yr old son has ADHD/ODD and is on 60mg Vyvanse.

I went through several years of yelling and screaming asking “why don’t you just listen?’” Psychaitrist, social worker, multiple treatment plans, hearing tests, vision tests, vision thereapy, psychologist, IEP, read tons of books and visited tons of websites etc for him.

Well, in the last year I got help for myself.
I have a social worker that helps ME learn how to parent my son, She explained that whether he has a disability or not he still has to follow the rules. You are the parent and he is the child, you make the rules and he follows them or there is a consequence. Which is NOT easy but, it does work. I am happy to say that the yelling and screaming has almost stopped. (yes, I do still have a random meltdown…what I am human.)

The key is give the request, wait, give a reminder that if it isn’t done there will be a consequence, wait then you must follow through . Don’t give in! Don’t argue just state the facts and walk away.
Get tough for the first couple times and it sinks in faster.
ie.if you don’t do your homework, you will loose all electronics for the night. (all means anything that plugs in or uses batteries) that way he can’t go do something else,like if you just took away tv… That really kills him, he has a calm down chair where he goes to sit and collect himself. Then he still has to do homework and he can get the electronics back the next day.
It’s a fight don’t kid yourself but, there’s no screaming on my part anymore. The key is to teach yourself and your spouse how to parent the new way and forget about the old way, you both have to follow the same plan or it won’t work. Keep trying it’s worth it, trust me!

My 9 y/o is ADHD and was diagnosed at 5. He is now starting to show signs of ODD as well. Arguing, stomping, slamming doors, are a few of his favorite things. We are making an appointment to talk to the doctor about this. I hope everyone finds something that works for their child and house!

Thanks everyone for responding. My husband and I do all the right things… like ask that things get done and then back the request with a consequence. But our son still refuses to do things that we ask. Sometimes is every day things like brush his teeth or get dressed. We have tried every thing under the sun to encourage cooperation. Time outs, taking away privileges (Wii or Ipod), etc. But nothing has been effect in changing his mind. We have also done all the positive reinforcement stuff too, charts, prizes, money for chores, & praise.

Today we gave him Dextrostat instead of his usual Adderall and I think we might be on to something. He has been MUCH calmer and in control. He played with his brother all day and hardly ever yelled at him. Even when he did yell - he would apologize or speak calmly again right afterwards. We are going try it tomorrow to see how he does but I have to say he had a GREAT day! Thanks everyone!