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Couples Where Both Partners Have ADHD

A Whole Mental Family
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Hello.  I am needing as much help as possible, but first I’ll give a little background info:  I was diagnosed ADHD when I was young, and have been on medication since. They work fine during the day and my doctor even prescribed me a second dosage for the evenings.  I am finding that I can relate well to both sides in the articles that talk about one spouse having ADD/ADHD and one not, so it is difficult to put the advice into practice.  My fiance was diagnosed when he was younger, but has never managed any of the symptoms; and three of our four children I am sure have it in one form or another.  Our present situation is that he is Stay-at-Home-Dad, and I am taking on the challenge of college and a new job (plus trying to be Mom, wife, housekeeper, and new puppy trainer).  School year is upon us, and our home is complete chaos.  I would definitely appreciate any help in how to handle the regular-ol day-to-day tasks to keep a home running; yes, even just the basic things.  Right now it feels like we are just people living in a house, rather than a family in a home.  Thanks.

Replies

You are managing a lot. A good way to bring the family together is to work on getting rid of stuff. These days we no longer own stuff. It owns us. If that is hard to start then hiring a home organizer for just a few days will give you a jump start. Thereafter, in between all the routines, it’s good to work on only one project at a time.

Posted by John Tucker, PhD, ACG. ADHD Coach on Aug 24, 2014 at 10:03am

Hi Maize!

It is so tough to be a mom and have ADHD—motherhood makes many demands on the skills that are often weak when you have ADHD (http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/2539.html).

There are ways to take control of your household when you have ADHD. Start by making a schedule for housework (http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/988.html), then, if you can stick to the schedule, procrastination won’t lead to overwhelm (http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/9869.html).

Remember, small changes can lead to big results (http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/10591.html).

Penny
ADDconnect Moderator, Author & Mom to Tween Boy with ADHD and LDs

Posted by adhdmomma on Aug 25, 2014 at 1:22pm

I don’t personally believe that Dad’s have what it takes to be the main caregiver.  Men in general tend to not be as aware of what needs to done, and can’t multitask as well as women, ADHD or not!  You may consider removing some of the responsibility from your list and handing it over to Dad. Women don’t need to be superMoms!  Taking care of yourself is probably key here.

Posted by KarenJ on Mar 20, 2015 at 2:17pm

one short task at a time maybe delegate some tasks to your husband and children

Posted by stacey allam on Apr 27, 2015 at 2:40am

ADD makes us love chaos and excitement, and it benefits us when we can direct it into making us productive.

What has worked for my ADD family is a huge white board in the hall. I write down things that need to get done that day around the house/yard/school work. We see it each time we pass by and it helps remind us. Sometimes I assign a task but usually whoever gets up first gets to pick which “jobs” they are willing to do. I’ve realized I need to set a time limit (ADHD and time don’t mix) as well as consequences (motivation) if things don’t get done. There are some things I just hate doing, like unloading the dishwasher. My daughter hates loading it, neither of us has to compromise, we just work together.

Lately my goal has been to get my family to realize we are here to support each other. We get enough criticism from the world “out there”, we need to build each other up. With ADD I felt inadequate when there were things I wasn’t good at or didn’t like doing. I figured those were areas I just needed to work harder on…why?

You are an awesome woman, you do so much, focus on those positives within yourself and let go of the things you don’t do so well. Obviously you’re an expert at survival if you’ve managed to keep yourself and children (and probably sometimes hubby, lol) alive this long! You’re already SuperWoman! Hang in there and give yourself permission to take a break. ☺

Posted by atina on Aug 19, 2015 at 4:57pm

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