I’m not sure why you would go to the school board with this. I understand why you are upset—I learned some years ago from another parent that my son’s 5th grade teacher was holding him up to ridicule—but you don’t know enough about what is going on and you haven’t made an attempt to work it out with the teacher and counselor. Just my humble opinion, but I think you should meet with the counselor and find out what’s going on before you do anything else. If that doesn’t work, you’d go to the principal next.

When my son was young, I did exactly what you are doing. I’d work informally with the teacher and guidance counselor. This system fell apart once he got into middle school where he had 7 different teachers and they don’t have much patience unless you have an IEP. If I had it to do over, I would have requested an evaluation and gotten an IEP in elementary school. The IEP has the force of law. Teachers don’t always pay attention to it, but when you make a complaint based on the IEP, they have to give in.

I’d be interested in hearing others’ opinions on these issues.

Shouldn’t you talk to the teacher and the counselor before you meet with the school board? It might be prudent to get their side of the story first. If you want your son to be successful in school, you need to have the support of the teacher. He/She is usually the child’s best advocate at school because the teacher is the one who spends the most time with your kid and knows them best. However, going to the board preemptively might be construed as a threat to the teacher’s livelihood and may not be met with the best reception. Be sure you know the facts before you completely alienate your son’s first line of defense.

As far as “the list” goes, my son has had to sit out of plenty of recesses because he failed to finish his school work. Find out why he made “the list” and problem solve with your son about what he can do to stay off “the list.” This will give him more recess time as well as a greater sense of control of his own fate.

I have spoken to the teacher and counselor several times about this and other things I’ve heard in the past. What I do know is after several conferences there is still a lack of communication. The principal doesn’t even seem to care, as I’ve spoken to her several times. The fact of the matter is, they don’t have proper training in handling childern like my son. Things aren’t being done and conferences aren’t working. It is for this reason that I’m taking further action and going to the school board.

I have spoken to the teacher and counselor several times about this and other things I’ve heard in the past. What I do know is after several conferences there is still a lack of communication. The principal doesn’t even seem to care, as I’ve spoken to her several times. The fact of the matter is, they don’t have proper training in handling childern like my son. Things aren’t being done and conferences aren’t working. It is for this reason that I’m taking further action and going to the school board.

I can very well relate to your issue.  Here were the thoughts that ran through my head of years past, the mistakes I made, and the lessons I learned over the years.  So take what you need and leave the rest.

Schools run on chain of command.  You race to the top without involving the administrators along the way, and you will have some angry administrators.  So in our school, this is a simple chain of command list.  We had to figure this out, school didn’t provide one.

Student
Parent
Teacher
Intervention specialist (case manager)
Guidance counselor
Special education department chair
Athletic director (if its athletic related)
Principal
Director of curriculum/ Director of gifted services
Superintendent
Members of the board
President of the board
Steering Committee (which you will never know)
Department of education for the state you reside in.  Arbitration, Mediation, and Due Process.

Ok that is a short list for our district.

The next step that we learned was documentation.  You mentioned that a parent told you something.  Need to write down, who, what, where, when, and how this information reached you.  You need to follow up on every lead without sending out signals that your probing for answers. 

We found it was critical to have a list of questions set up and ready for presentation when we called a meeting.  We have found the recording all meeting is critical.  We have lost more battles with the school, because teachers and administrators got amnesia.  then its just a he said she said mess.  When you have it on Audio, its public record.  teachers and administrators will not play games when they know there words are added to the public record.  But keep in mind that the same applies to the parent.  We have to be very careful not to go in a meeting running on emotions.  Sounds horrible on tape. Also Its super critical that you indicate you want the meeting recorded for “the record”  If not you can ruffle some feathers.  I always tell the faculty that its because I need to keep the facts straight for my own sanity. (not that I have to provide a reason to have the meeting taped, but its a courtesy)

So back to some structure.

1.) Write down what your child’s complaint is.
2.) The cafeteria rules are most likely approved by the principal, but it would be better to go to the intervention specialist, If your son is on an IEP or 504 and ask if there were any recent developments related to lunch.  Not providing that you have another parent insight is a card you can play later.

If the intervention specialist knows about the issue.  I would ask the intervention specialist to send me an email outlining the issue.  Play it low key.  If you act crazy, The school will circle the wagons, and you will find a brick wall in front of you.  the key questions you would hope the specialist will tell you is when the issue started, what are the schools policies.  Who enacted the policies, how long the segregation will last, what prompted the segregation.  What are the goals of the segregation, and why as a parent you were not in the loop.

And do not be surprised that the school keeps you out of the loop.  Part of being left out is the fact that administrators and teachers deal with these issues all the time, and many times they forget that as parents these issues are new, and emotional for us.  Another reason we are not in the loop is the old expression, A little bit of knowledge is dangerous.  If they told you a little bit of information, you would make there lives a living hell asking a zillion questions.  Also we were told my a intervention teacher that there is the “parent team” and the “teacher team”  not a “team”  We were only part of the team when we shook our heads yes, and ask no questions. 

Once I have collected the information from the intervention teacher, I would see if I could get hold of the cafeteria manager, if your school allows you to walk in, get a name take and walk to the cafeteria, I would goto the cafeteria, and talk to the manager in charge of the cafeteria.  you might be surprised that what the parent told you is grossly over stated, and your ready to go in with water pistols blazing, just to find out, that it was an isolated issue of a french fry being thrown, and your son only had a week to sit by himself for bad behavior.

Ok so now you have the info from the:
1.) Student
2.) Other parent
3.) Intervention specialist
4.) Cafeteria Manger

Now if you still see an issue, time to schedule a meeting with the principal, the cafeteria manager, and the the intervention specialist.  Also it would be a good Idea to bring someone along to take the minutes for you.  Another person in the room on your side will help ease the tension if there is any. 

**Video Surveillance**  many schools have cameras everywhere.  Use them to your advantage.  If your son is being accused of bad behavior in video monitored areas, tell the principal to preserve the video footage for the time in question.

When you go into the meeting, ask about “the list”  This is critical.  some how the children that had parents that worked for the school, athletic boosters, contributors and were doctors, lawyers and Indian chiefs, never were on “the list” and they usually were the ones causing the majority of the problems.  Also point out that the children that need to be on “the radar” are the trouble makers, not the children defending themselves.  Strange how schools can mix that up.

Also ask if your son has a teacher or aid shadow monitoring your sons movements.  Shadows are some times needed, and the school does not always tell the parent.  But if your son has an aid that is biased, your son will not get a fair report.  Always good to make sure the school is not headed down the path of a behavioral modification plan.

At the meeting it is critical you get the follow.

1.) What is the issue.  What did your son do wrong for the school to take this action.  What FACTS does the school have.  Was it just some kids in the lunch room telling the cafeteria manager? or was the behavior VISUALLY VERIFIED by a faculty member.  Also if the action your son did was seen by a teacher, that teacher should be part of the meeting with the principal. 

2.) Why were you not informed.

3.) What is the schools policy when any child does what your son did.  Not that the school customizes there policy to your son.

4.) What was the goal of the punishment

5.) What was the duration of the punishment

6.) When will the punishment end.

7.) What long term action is the school taking.  Is the cafeteria issue being added to his permanent school record, will it be used for a behavioral modification plan, will it prevent him from attending other school functions?  Make sure you know how serious the school is looking at this issue.

Then after you think all is back to normal, send a follow up letter to all parties involved, and ask if there have been an reoccurring issues.  What for vague statements that are made that does not clearly state your son is no longer a risk.  If the emails are vague, send another one back asking for clarification.  You don’t want to hear 4 months later that the issue never fully resolved itself, and the school was just waiting to see if things would clear up.

I am sure I am forgetting to tell you some things, but I am sure a professional will post a message that will find the missing pieces in my advice!

Good luck!  and remember the process takes time.  Schools don’t respond quickly. So give the school time to work there magic.  If you jump the gun, your burning bridges with administrators that you will need on your side in the years to come.

I am sorry, I just read further down about the principal not being able to address your issues. 

One suggestion would be to request the principal and the superintendent sit down to talk to you.  If your district has a parent mentor, you may first speak to the parent mentor, and have the parent mentor come in as an advocate for your family.  The parent mentor may bridge the gap in communication between you and the principal!

Hope that helps.

If your son has a 504 plan or an IEP, I encourage you to protect his recess.  I have our son’s recess protected in his 504.  It states he is not to miss recess to make up work or for behavior consequences.  Once I explained the benefits of recess (which they already know) and how it’s in everyone’s best interest for my son to run around, they agreed to put it in the 504.

I agree with the making sure the IEP states exactly what will be done for unfinished work and other behaviors.  Talk to the teacher and if you feel that she/he is not working with you and your son consider a different teacher and/or homeschool.

I’m so sorry to hear of your struggles with the school and I can relate to everything you said. My husband and I had a terrible time with our elementary school doing things that were making things worse for my 1st grader. After getting an official diagnosis (which we paid for since the school refused to do it) and I had a 504 Plan created. Unfortunately, our school refused us as parents any accomodations (which isn’t really a 504 Plan). As the principal told me “I can give you a 504 but it means nothing.” Obviously that is not true and children with a diagnosis of ADD and/or ADHD had laws passed in 1973 to protect their rights for a school education for a reason. It’s either a 504 or an IEP depending on several things that I won’t outline here.

For 2nd grade, my husband and I interviewed several local individuals that were trained as school advocates. We ended up finding a advocate that has a masters in Special Education and has been certified as an advocate. The advocate had 25 years of negotiating 504 and IEP accomodations with school districts. The advocate conducted a classroom oberservation without my child being aware she is there so they could act “normal.” From her observation she could document reasons for 12 different accommodations. This included a formal accommodation that elementary school could NOT cancel recess for my child. Hiring the advocate was about $100 per hour for several hours of work each year (4-5 hours) this includees attending the school 504 meeting. Bottom line is we were able to go from zero to 12 accomodations. Awesome!

This past year my 2nd child was having similar issues at school. We already knew what do. First, we were able to get an official ADD/ADHD diagnosis, then engaged our advocate to set-up a 504 with accomodations quickly.

It was a sad journey for my husband and I to learn the school was not going to handle this in the best interest for our children. Now I understand that for some of those in the school system it’s just a job. Hiring a professional school advocate has made the world of difference. School is too important to allow the “system” to force my amazing, sweet, and intelligent kids to fail at school. We had to force the school to support our children them which costs them very little in time and money.

Good Luck and you are going a great job as a parent. Your child is lucky to have you!

As a parent of an ADHD child and a teacher I understand!  I am going through a difficult time at my child’s school also.  I can say that you and your child have rights.  You do need to follow “chain of command”.  teacher, principal, Central office, then school board.  I can tell you when you reach Central Office you will see things to start going in your favor.  Especially if you have spoken with an attorney that does Education Law.  Good luck and remember you are your childs BEST advocate.

Those were such amazing tips and I truly feel a lot more educated on what I should and can do. Thanks so much for the support. I’m just a mom trying to help my son and make sure he’s treated fairly. He’s the sweetest boy and loves me so much. I am most definetly his voice. He needs to know I am always here to help. Thank you.

All kids, especially ADD/ADHD kids need that lunchtime break to regroup, relax, and unwind.  They DO NOT deserve to be punished during that time when all who enter the lunch room including the child thinks they have “been bad again”. Same as wearing the white Dunce Hat in the past.  Their self-esteem is fragile enough without that humiliation.
If your child does not have a 504 plan or an IEP, write to the Disability Director of your school district and ask for forms to fill out to get one started. Don’t wait, do it now.  The district will probably start with a 504 plan.  Accept it, it’s better than nothing.  Once it gets started push for an IEP.  The IEP contract automatically has a section called a Behavior Plan.  The wording of this section is very important and the behaviors should be gagged by means other than “teacher observation” only.
Look for a Disability Support Association in your area.  They often can supply forms, give advice, and sometimes attend meeting with you.  A NAMI in your area or even your state Department of Education/Disabilities Office would be helpful and know of a Disability Support organization you could get in touch with.  I found them all to be beneficial in my, umm, adventures.
Lastly, Prior Written Notice. Live by it!

I’m sorry to hear about your 6 year old son. I too have a 6 year old son and he finished Kindergarten. He had a ruff first have of year but when we decided he needs medicine it made a huge difference.  Is your 6 year old on any medicine for his adhd? I know this doesn’t hold up against the teachers being bullies but just inquiring about him and meds.  My son started in February Vyvanse 30mg and it’s been amazing. My son is the same kid but feels better about himself as he focuses, participates, friends want to play with him more and he doesn’t have anymore meltdowns, he uses his words.  I can’t believe the quality of life that has improved for him. No kid should be bullied by their teacher, you shoud go straight to the Board and see if you can get him either switched into a new classroom for the coming year or see if the school would allow you an assistant or shadow for your little man.  I feel for you!