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Advice for Summer Loneliness

Three weeks into July, my ADD’s son will have nothing to do.

He’s done band, he’s gone to youth group camp, he’ll be at Boy Scout camp and then nothing.

In the meantime his former good friend lives in the house behind us, has a pool and won’t even say hi to him. Long story short, my son was shunned and bullied. He is immature for 12 years old, yes, and unfortunately, he is over 6’ tall. He looks about 16 yo.

He will be taking guitar lessons once a week, which helps. He will probably be doing a couple of things with our park district. But the boy only has 1-2 friends; one of them is a Freshman and has his own friends. The other is younger and is a God-send.

Once school starts, I think life will be a lot better and busier, which should help. Also better opportunities to make good friends.

What do I do? I need suggestions just to get through the summer until school starts.

It breaks my heart that this family has turned their back on us because we have honestly done nothing to deserve it.

Replies

Can he volunteer somewhere….you’d probably have to be there as well, but maybe with guitar one day and volunteering at a food pantry or a local library he’d get out and meet other people.  Maybe there is a local CHADD group that you could find and see if others would like to start some sort of get togethers to ease the boredom?

Posted by greyhairedmom on Jul 10, 2013 at 9:43pm

Has he ever tried martial arts? Might not have an interest, but martial arts are a funny thing. They appeal to a surprisingly diverse audience but only after they’ve tried them.

Posted by ADDedValue62 on Jul 10, 2013 at 10:26pm

We have similar problems. I actually stop working in the summer to keep my daughter busy, out of trouble, engaged, etc so she is not restless, bored and as lonely.  Volunteer work is great. What about a trip out of town…see family somewhere, vacation, school program? I find that out of town is a nice break from having to see how much fun eveyyone else they know seems to be having. Good luck. I always dread summer for her.

Posted by mcat on Jul 10, 2013 at 11:58pm

You don’t say if you’re working or not or if he’s home alone all summer. If you’re home with him take the time to do fun things with him. If he’s home alone, have an agenda for him. I have a schedule for my son to follow with chores and things he needs to complete during the day and it’s working great. Last summer he volunteered at the senior center ( he was 12), volunteered with the parks dept, and went to a few camps. This year he wanted to take it easy at home. Next year when he’s 14, he’ll be working.

Posted by adhdmom2000 on Jul 11, 2013 at 12:14am

I never thought about him volunteering somewhere—other than the library. I’ll check into it! Thanks so much for the advice!

Posted by chrisd on Jul 11, 2013 at 7:34am

I wonder how life would be so busy if we commit almost the whole day of our lives indulging into something. We have different perception about it right? Working out on your own is fine, but you may not be in a position to cover the gear found in your local fitness center. Unfortunately, gym memberships could be costly - but exercising free of charge might be possible. Here’s the best way to work out for free in a fitness center, even if it is only temporary. Pay for your health membership with a [url=“https://personalmoneynetwork.com/short-term-loans/“title=“Living With a Short Term Personal Loan”
]short term loan[/url].

Posted by GrowhenR on Jul 13, 2013 at 7:49am

Research rec centers in your area. In your area they have bouncing inflatable places. Over here in Virginia they have places that always have kids Kangaroo Jacks, Monkey Joes, Laser tag, Pump it Up (they have family night, teenager night), jumpology (all ages…trampoline fun), children’s museum, museum, etc. You just have to do your research. Boys and Girls club.

Posted by vabronxboogie on Jul 16, 2013 at 10:29pm

The churches always have things. I just registered for my son and I to do this bible study event for a week. I’m not overly religious but they have activities for his age group. They go up to 16 yrs old too. They have them in groups.

Posted by vabronxboogie on Jul 16, 2013 at 10:32pm

The ASPCA always need volunteers as well. But check your parks and rec centers. My son doesnt have one consistent friend, just the ones at daycare, but thats just not consistent because he’s adhd and he hits. I’m taking my son to behavior therapy and even going to pay for a membership to Romp and Roll so he can build on his social skills. Virginia is very good in telling parents what to do with ther kids. They are big on kids and even send me 4 free magazines. What state are you in?

Posted by vabronxboogie on Jul 16, 2013 at 10:35pm

Your local library has information too. They should

Posted by vabronxboogie on Jul 16, 2013 at 10:37pm

I also forgot that theres mommy connection groups in my state!!!! Research mommy connect groups. People meet each other and in my case have play dates. But I’m not sure about older kids. I feel like my son wont have any friends, but I am assisting him now with his social skills and I’m more open to making new friends to benefit my son, especially if they have kids. So going to church and their events can create friends.

Posted by vabronxboogie on Jul 16, 2013 at 10:43pm

I do tend to do active things with my son. If he needs a male role model, the Big Brother Big Sister is good for that.

Posted by vabronxboogie on Jul 16, 2013 at 10:50pm

I’d like to warn you to not let your son pick up gaming; my son today is 18 and addicted, spends most of his time on World of Warcrafts and this started from being bored in the summer when he was age 10-12…...today it has consumed his life and has created a very unhappy family, he overlooks what is important to game, including socialization, nutrition and family togetherness.  He is angry and explosive when I try to monitor him or transition him off the game, I feel like I’ve lost my son.
I am trying to see if there are other families dealing with this issue; the gaming company even has ‘addiction hotlines’ for families?  Honestly, this is a red flag to me?
Anyone else with this problem, ADHD and gaming addiction, isolation; depressed without it if I take it away, or try and monitor, he explodes?
Help,
Linda

Posted by LindaB on Jul 17, 2013 at 5:23pm

You are right Linda B. I dont have cable anymore as of 2 weeks!!! It takes up to much time and causes laziness!!!!! My son is 4 and I’m glad I’ve made that decision. I know this is the teens section, but I like to keep myself informed.

Posted by vabronxboogie on Jul 17, 2013 at 6:17pm

Parents have to be more ProActive. There’s tons of information online that can tell you activities in your area. Also we tend to lose focus and ourselves in work. Doing things with our kids is a must.

Posted by vabronxboogie on Jul 17, 2013 at 6:20pm

My son is 14 and 1/2 yrs old and going into high school in the fall. He came to me at the beginning of the summer and said he wanted to volunteer at a therapeutic horseback riding program in our town. He has taken riding lessons before (a great activity for him but it is pretty expensive to do every week and the 1 hour goes quickly!) He has learned that although he enjoys riding, he knows what he really likes is handling the horses (taking care of them, tacking up, leading, etc) and that is what he is doing 2-3x per week this summer for at least 2 hours each time - and it’s free since it’s volunteer. Totally a win-win situation - he is enjoying it and the director really appreciates his help and likes his industriousness (all that ADHD energy is well channeled during the time @ the farm).

So, I just wanted to add that I agree w/ the comments about volunteering for your son - it may take a few trials to see what he wants to help out at but keep trying bc he will probably definitely find a place that needs his help. There’s nothing like being needed, is there??

Posted by KidsAhead on Jul 17, 2013 at 7:57pm

My son is 11 years old. He is too old for the camp (in our oponion) they offer at his school, it’s vered for a younger group. My son started swim team 3 weeks ago & I drop him off at 9:40 then I head to work. Considering they practice 5 days per week from 10-11 am then he walks the 5 blocks home and it uses of some of his energy. He also stays after swim just to swim & hand out with other kids.Then on Wed. nights at 6pm there’s a fun swim meet then on Saturday at 9am there’s the big swim meet. So it consumes alot of time but not once has our son said I’m bored. Most kids start swim team at age 7 or 8 I did & still at 34 years old I can outswim most people. I will say this swim team does expect your child to be a swimmer when they start. My on was not a technical swimmer but quickly I taught him how to side breathe & dive properly. He has friends now at the pool from swim team whihc has made him more happy.

Posted by shouldbemarried1 on Jul 17, 2013 at 8:09pm

My son is 12 and is, I believe, addicted to video games. My husband works full time and I work 3 d/wk. my son has 1-2 friends also, although hasn’t seen the one friend in awhile. The other one lives next door but he goes to camp during the day. They get together a few nights during the week but even when they do it usually consists of them playing their Minecraft. My son does do on line chats with his mine craft “friends” but they all live very far away, no face to face visits possible. He really likes,these kids and I have sat next to him while he is chatting with them and they sound like very nice, funny, good kids. When I’m at work I have a sitter come to the house bc we have 3 kids and it is less expensive to have someone come to the house then to pay for 3 kids camp fees. Not to mention my son HATES camp. We tried it a couple of times in the past. He is a home body like he told me once. Im feeling lately that I have to just accept that he is a homebody, that bc of his sensory issues he can’t tolerate the heat. What perplexes me I guess is despite all the minecraft he plays he seems happy - as happy as he usually seems. He tells me he’s happy when I ask him. My issue is having ADHD myself (and husband !) and having 2 other kids it is sooo hard for me to keep track of how much time he has spent on the computer. Years ago I used to have a chart up and he had to do his chores to earn video game time. I kept tack of all of,that. But lately I can barely pay our bills on time so I’m certainly not doing a good job keeping track of my sons game time. I’m at a loss myself. Sorry cant be more help

Posted by Udderlycrazy on Jul 19, 2013 at 7:28am

Wow udderlycrazy are you sure you’re not me!!! Everything you said is like my life (not the husband with adhd tho).
It’s so hard to find a happy medium where kids are kids and find their own things to do and then trying to keep them occupied, interested and our of trouble! Everything is so complicated now lol!
Kidsahead that is wonderful! Good thing to remember since my 10 yo son loves animals.

Posted by Starla571 on Jul 19, 2013 at 8:39am

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