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College & broken marriage


My husband has ADD and is struggling with his goal of achieving a 4-year degree.  A chronic health issue limits him to on-line schooling, with his time available for studying being extremely limited to a couple hours per day, due to his health concerns. School isn’t working.

I have Asperger’s , which has added to the conflict in our marriage.  A unilateral decision I made 4 years ago led to my career taking over, and his was pushed aside.  It is a decision I regret wholly, but cannot undo.  He feels undervalued and understandably resentful.

As for our marriage, there’s not much left.  He no longer wears his ring.  He resents me, says he hates me, and is only here because he is trapped, staying for the sake of his children.  Unable to leave due to his illness.

Is there anything I can do do support him in completing school when his illness makes even one class seemingly impossible to conquer?  Is there anything I can do to actively support him?

Replies

Wow, I feel for you, this is a bad situation to be in, I have been in similar, as I have ADHD.  My wife is the bread winner, she has OCD. We decided to get her threw school and employed and then consentrate on me….that was 14 yrs. ago, and we are stil working on my degree.  and Im ok with that.  Some weeks Im not. Yes it can be difficult for me also to accept this. Yes we have children.  What helps me is, accepting that it is the best situation for us at this time. I had to study and see this to accept it. Since our decision,  I have taken additional college classes, but did so one or two classes at a time. I still do not have the degree i want,  yet to succeed,  I enlisted help from fellow students, and sought out and utilized the help, any help from the college guidance office for this.  I make some income from doing odd jobs for people and from crafts i create and sell. it is rough and many times funds are extremely tight.  But accepting what things had to be, and stopped seeing the negatives and not seeing the positives to the situation,  was key. Were are getting by.  Yes,  I have good weeks and bad.  No it is not always rosy here for us.  It helps me,  knowing it was not the end of the world for me but simply a new road I hadn’t seen. Also seeing that the world doesn’t circle around me, but that I’m just a part of it. And realizing, my kids need me and my wife to be together, a united couple who is able to work threw and over obstacles, we are the example our kids look to, and I’m certain yours look to you both the same way.  Finally,  my wife and I remind ourselves to look past our differences, and find in each other what it was that we saw and felt in the other that drew us together and convinced us they were the one for us…. boy how this has helped!  We also decided to thank each other for little things we do for each other. This has helped greatly. I hope I have helped.  Hang in there! Don’t give up!  make it work!  then you’ll see the blessings on the other side!

Posted by flywelder on Feb 18, 2014 at 2:55am

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