Couples With One ADHD Partner
Cry for help! My upcoming wedding is at risk of being canceled
I am an American ADD adult living in Brazil, and I have no one to turn to, so I´m hoping someone can help me sort this out. I am to get married to a Brazilian in less than two months, and we have been flight incessantly lately to the point where we are considering canceling the wedding.
My fiance and I have had quite a few little problems that I am sure are attributable to my ADD (not thinking to take the trash out, leaving my key in the lock, etc.), but now the problems run much deeper. She claims that recently I am being defensive and aggressive and refuse to accept when I am wrong. I disagree, but I am now questioning if maybe it´s part of the disorder and is preventing me from seeing the truth. She swears it is me.
For example, last night while watching a TV program she commented about the character who was making dinner for his new romantic partner, pointing out how I should be. My version of what happened next is that I flippantly responded that it was apples-to-oranges comparison (first date dinner vs. living together). Her version is that I became extremely defensive, raised my voice to an angry tone and took her joke as an attack. She admits that she then escalated the situation from there but swears that I started the big argument with my “aggressive and defensive” comments.
I see it completely differently, but I wonder if I really don´t see my actions accurately. Could ADD result in me being irritable and rude with someone without realizing it? I really think I made a matter-of-fact flippant response, but she swears it was much more angry than I portray it. She also says I often provoke her to get angry and then play the victim because “my prefrontal cortex needs stimulation” (which is something she read in an article about adult ADD).
With such divergent views on such basic issues, we are having trouble relating to each other or having even one calm evening at home without incident. We are now wondering if we should call off the wedding, rather than have a lifetime of unhappiness. I have friends flying long distances for our wedding, and I feel completely stuck between a rock and a hard place.
What do I do? Has anyone else experienced this kind of situation? Any advice or even empathy if you have experienced this would be very much appreciated.
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