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ADHD in Women

Dating

Hello, I am really new at this.  I have used ADDitude several times to get information but not to share.  However, I need some advice.  My name is Kelly.  I have ADHD, my sister has Down’s, I am a special education teacher and my mother is an instructional assistant for an ED program. 

I have a hard time with relationships.  Especially ones that involve a lot of alcohol.  I do take meds (for mine and everyone else sanity hahaha!). I am not new to the drug and alcohol life…. I have been clean from drugs for over 12 years (hence the teaching position) and I drink socially (I don’t have alcohol at home).

I have had several unhealthy relationships in the past.  This summer I began dating someone for the first time in 12 years (yes my last was a nightmare - not normal).  It started with a bang.  He is fun, caring and has many great qualities.  We also share having a disability - he has bipolar disorder. 

Now seeing that I have lived with it, I work with it, my sissy has Down Syndrome, and my dad is undiagnosed but I know he has ADHD I am not new to what that all entails. 

We fight constantly.  Always when drinking.  I point it out and I even make suggestions for both of us.  When he drinks he is MEAN.  When I drink I retaliate and I have smacked him several times.  Granted one would say his words deserve it, but no one deserves to be physically assaulted.  Not drinking I just walk away or leave.

Its been two months. Finally I said enough but he keeps coming back.  I know he is sincere but I know deep inside it will continue to happen if we (as individuals) don’t get help.  I relented twice and both times he starts an argument.  I almost think he likes it or he needs it.  By that time I have had a drink and it is hard for me to focus and reel myself in.  Today he wanted to see me.  Against my better judgement I said ok.  He said he didn’t care what it took, he loved and respected me and would do anything to try.  Again I end up home in tears.  Professing I am tired of being hurt. 

I know what needs to be done.  However I find it hard when I too share similar symptoms and am not an angel either. 

Please.  Any advice??

Replies

Hi Kelly!

It’s so tough when your heart wants to be with someone but your judgement is telling you something else.

As an outside observer who doesn’t know you, the thing that stood out to me most was that problems between you are mostly, if not always, precluded by alcohol. Alcohol isn’t a good idea with medication (http://www.additudemag.com/q&a/ask_the_add_medical_expert/1252.html) and my thought is that maybe you could be together if you stop drinking together.

That’s my two cents.

Penny
ADDconnect Moderator, Author & Mom to Tween Boy with ADHD and LDs

Posted by adhdmomma on Jul 28, 2014 at 5:55pm

Got to say I agree with Penny, if one drink has that kind of effect, then your life would be better without it whether you stay with him or not.

Posted by MorrisFluffyTail on Aug 13, 2014 at 3:46pm

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