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Daughter, 6 years old: why am I so frustrated?

My daughter is 6 1/2 and my son is 5. Both have ADHD. My daughter takes 4 mL daily of Quillivant. Even though both have ADHD, my daughter is so much more frustrating for me! She is more hyperactive and cannot play calmly for more than 2 minutes. She is jeopardizing play dates in this way Bc the other girls want to color or play Barbies and my daughter is not interested.

Is anyone in a similar situation? I feel so guilty, and I just want to understand why it’s my daughter who “gets to me” so much. I am a 36 year old married woman.

Thanks!

Replies

Just got a call from the day camp my son is attending due to his inappropriate behavior. He is with my in-laws and they don’t like to medicate. I get really frustrated, embarrassed and upset when I hear that he is deliberately annoying other kids and that he is acting inappropriately again. I have told him a million times the consequences of his behavior, like if it continues he could get kicked out. I don’t know what to do about that. But, I am here to tell you that you are the only parent who feels that way.

Hope this helps.
Sue H in PC, Ohio

Posted by SueH on Jul 23, 2014 at 5:24pm

Thanks Sue

Posted by Les_Etoiles on Jul 23, 2014 at 5:35pm

Les_Etoiles :

  I wonder your daughter may have different interest than girl in general.  Do you consider to setup a playdate with a boy? 

  Social skill is not easy to master.  It is even more difficult for ADHD kids.  Did you hear the term “Join Attention”?  From my opinion, people learns to act appropriate by told to, past experience or watching others.  ADHD can lack of focus to “watch” it in the first place. 

  I sent my son, 7, to speech therapy to learn social skill every week.  Learn how to eat, how to greeting, how to ask question, how to share, how to be OK if you out of the game, how to express your feeling rather than upset/cry, not to touch others’ body..etc.,
you can find something called social work therapy who specify to work with ADHD and Austim kids
   
Sometime I think all kids should take social skills class no matter what…...

Posted by Louisa_Leo on Jul 23, 2014 at 5:52pm

@Louisa
Speech is not “medically necessary” for her and so insurance won’t cover it. We can’t afford it on our own every week.
What is social work therapy and how does it differ ft just regular therapy with a social worker ?
Thank you.

Posted by Les_Etoiles on Jul 23, 2014 at 8:28pm

Les_Etoiles :  One of the well known speech language pathologist ( speech Therapist ) is Michelle Garcia Winner, MA, CCC-SLP who specializes in the treatment of individuals with social-cognitive deficits.  In her web site, ( http://www.socialthinking.com/what-is-social-thinking ) she explains why ADHD or special need kids have social difficulty.  Her web site also has children books that allow you to read to your child.  Check out the local library before you buy the books.  Her web site has a lot of information may help.

So speech therapist is not necessary dealing with talking but also improve communication by better understand social skill.

Yes, high chance it will not be covered by a lot of insurance.  I paid out of my pocket.  As you can image, therapy is not medicine so it takes time. 

OH.  my son did not see Michelle Garcia Winner.  She is too far away.  But he is seeing a speech language pathologist who trained and follow Michelle material.  I hope, as time goes by, my son has better social skill.

One more thing.  Not sure where you live.  if you think your child has social skill issue, talk to your child teacher and speech Therapist.  My son has social skill assessed by his school speech therapist. He is low enough to qualify free service from school.  School speech Therapist may not have the right training to help ADHD kid social skill like Michelle.  But better than nothing. 

Hope these all help

Posted by Louisa_Leo on Jul 24, 2014 at 4:24am

Thanks Louisa. She is in eligible for speech from school. It is so frustrating. I have looked into social thinking but will look again. Feeling discouraged. Thanks again.

Posted by Les_Etoiles on Jul 24, 2014 at 10:50am

Hi les-Etoiles!

Louisa is on to something suggesting a play date with a boy. You need to match your daughter with kids with similar play interests, not just focusing on the same gender. If you had a small group play date, maybe having boys too wouldn’t be so awkward. Right now she is being asked to play with kids who don’t have similar interests—that’s usually a recipe for disaster, ADHD or not.

Look into occupational therapy. They can also teach social skills (they are doing that with my son now). All we needed was a referral from our pediatrician and insurance pays. They also work on sensory needs—which most hyperactive kids have. Make sure to seek out a pediatric OT.

There are other things you can do to help your daughter in social settings as well. These articles offer more great strategies:
http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/924.html
http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/2538.html
http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/5401.html

Also, I wrote this just last week about my son’s friendship woes: http://www.additudemag.com/adhdblogs/32/10805.html.

Keep working at it!
Penny
ADDconnect Moderator, Author & Mom to Tween Boy with ADHD and LDs

Posted by adhdmomma on Jul 24, 2014 at 12:21pm

One other thing that may also help, adjust meds dosage.  She may need a slightly higher amount, or a different med altogether.  They are all so different.

Good luck!

Posted by Pdxlaura on Jul 26, 2014 at 5:30pm

A physically busy kid needs an outlet.  We just got a large backyard trampoline (with a net, of course, and a one-kids-at-a-time rule) to replace the small indoor one that allowed my son to finish dinner without doing laps around the house ( few bounces and he was back to his plate).  Swing rings from IKEA are great (nice to attach to basement ceiling joists).  Look into gymnastics, hockey, ice skating, or running (that one’s free, and you’ll feel better if you’re getting the exercise with her!).  Consider an IEP or 504 for school - then you can keep her from being be kept in from recess for punishment (the WORST for these kids!), and get her movement breaks. Definitely pair her up with kids who want to climb on jungle gyms and hunt for frogs or whatever (bike riding, etc.).  I think it’s getting easier for girls and boys to be friends.  My daughter’s BF in KG-2nd grade was a boy (‘till he switched schools, and we still got them together sometimes).  Now, at 13, she is friends with the son of a friend of mine (but we homeschool now, so we hang with folks who are not as mainstream).

Posted by Katherine85 on Jul 26, 2014 at 6:15pm

She does have a 504. We quit gymnastics Bc she simply could not stay focused. She does therapeutic horseback riding now and I hope she can do the swim team when she is a stronger swimmer. She loves the water.
Thanks, all.

Posted by Les_Etoiles on Jul 27, 2014 at 12:35am

My daughter plays much better with boys than she does girls.  She tends to annoy the other girls because she is a bit hyper and louder.  Her best friend is a boy and a girl who is a tomboy.

Posted by lgfenley on Jul 28, 2014 at 5:09pm

@lgfenley- how old is your Daughter? I just wonder if by around third grade or so, my daughter would be viewed as an oddball Bc she plays with boys instead of girls… Kids can be so mean…

Posted by Les_Etoiles on Jul 29, 2014 at 12:30am

Pdxlaura has a very good point.  Your daughter is on the starting point for the medication.  Doctors always start you off very low and wait for parental feedback.  Do let you doc know what is going on.  Q is a new and fairly mild stim med, so she might need more.
  Also, a good high protein breakfast will make a big difference in how long the meds last and how effective they will be.
  And the swim team will be very good for her - just ask Michael Philps (who also has ADHD).

Posted by Sandman2 on Jul 29, 2014 at 4:43am

Hello!no you are very much NOT ALONE,i have 4 yes 4 children with different types of add/ adhd and i also have the add,
  With the first child i ended up trying 4 different meds to see what worked,now all of us are on different strenghts of vyvanse,and seems to be working but as they grow older i monitor carefully and watch their behavoirs ,my daughter is the 4 child after 3 boys,she was the worst no sleep 1 am every night cat naps during the day ,and wide awake at 6 am, thank god back then i had to s of energy,but i had 4 under 10 yrs,
  I have the 2 youngest in tae kwon do its great for add/adhd,and any activity that keeps the going,i also got mini trampoline for my excerise and the kids lovedit it was a hse one so fabulous during winter ,it had removable handlebar as well,dont give up and yes its ok to be frustrated,the society we live in makes us mothers feel guilt,did we do something wrong while preg?dont beat yourself up and teachers at school should be given a questionaire to fill and you too that way everyone works for the good of the child,in saying that i had one SUPPOSED TO BE SPECIAL EDteacher who criticed my first son on every level ,turns out my child was deaf on the lower sounds boy do i want to go after her,hes now pretty much straight a,as is all the 4 thank heavens
🌹good luck!

Posted by Newfairfield Rose on Jul 29, 2014 at 11:08am

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