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Diagnosis Causing Spouse to Rethink Relationship


My spouse was diagnosed with ADHD about 8 months ago and the medication has helped him considerably.  He “feels like a different” person and I am extremely happy for him.  He has more recently become to “rethink” everything about our relationship including whether or not he should have married me in the first place (he would have been so different if he had been taking medication, maybe he would not have chosen to be with me).  We have been together for 16 years so it is very hurtful for me to hear that he is so uncertain about “us”.  We are actually really good together and I have been his champion all these years - before and afte diagnosis.  Is this a common effect of the “awakening” ADHDers feel once medicated?

Replies

Yes. But imagine being sleepy all the time, that kind of sleepy where you don’t even know what you’re saying and you can’t make words come out of your mouth properly. Then imagine making major life decisions in that state and then suddenly being woken up.

You have to realize this is not a personality disorder, this is a brain malfunction, a physiological problem that has a major effect on every aspect of life. And with medication there is a huge shift in how the brain fires. So under those circumstances it makes total sense that he is questioning everything.

So if you love him you have to put your ego aside and let him have all the space and time he needs. And if you can stop yourself from the hurt feelings for a moment and take a different perspective you will see this is a moment for change and renewal for you both. You don’t know what the future holds the only thing you get to control is your attitude about it.

And I also the non-ADHD spouse by the way. I have been through this and much more. It is an unusual life being married to someone with ADHD but it is at the end of the day just life and this could have just as easily been the reaction of a non-ADHD husband when faced with a big change.

Posted by YellaRyan on Dec 18, 2013 at 5:06pm

This is not ok. As someone with ADHD, I am appalled that anyone would even remotely think this is acceptable. This sounds more like a mid-life crisis than being suddenly “new” on meds. Make sure he knows you are hurt by this and go to his therapist for couples sessions. Once the euphoria of the meds wears off, he’s going to realize how impulsive that comment actually was…

Posted by mkatp001 on Dec 18, 2013 at 5:41pm

They say a person who is taking new medicatins especially Wellbutrin should not make any harsh decisions about their life for the first few months to the first year on medications, remember medications expecially add/adhd medications alter the brain into thinking differently.  Most people think oh this is great meds Im not tired anymore or wow I have so much more energy well it changes our perspectives on life and once the medications start to not work anymore (and they all stop working at some point) what happens is they realize how many huge life altering mistakes they have made, usually huge like divorce or quit an excellent job, financial decisions like bought a house or car that’s well out of their means.  Just saying, just giving some of my weird far out advice.  Keep in mind that I do not think like most people, Doctor says I think like 1% of people so if you disagree that’s fine, but I felt very strongly about your message and wanted to share some of my 1% with you.  Best of Luck

Posted by BexIssues on Dec 18, 2013 at 6:54pm

Wow! I’m sorry you have to go through that. Hopefully things will all work out….

Posted by Christmas on Dec 19, 2013 at 6:45am

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