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ADHD Adults

Do You Have to Periodically Unload?
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I’ll try to explain this as clearly as possible. I find that with long-term friendships there are way more instances of things really getting on my nerves. I have a very sensitive BFF, but sometimes I just wish I could snap and scream and yell. But I hold it in, hold it in, and then it kind of explodes. Do any of you experience that? I wanted to go back to therapy to try and deal with it, but with my chronic illness it’s too difficult to make it to appointments. Our ability to communicate is intermittent, at best, she has a new baby, etc. Sorry for making a short story longer, it’s just so irritating. Plus my cat is in heat. Finally managed to get the special low-income spay appt. Just 10 more days till she calms the hell down. Gods it’s awful. I would have never taken her in if I’d known that she wasn’t fixed. OK, I digress… again. Having a really bad day, chronic insomnia plus lack of sleep aids kept me up all night.

Replies

I can relate.  I have times when my feelings just get unbearable.  I have learned to do some things to slow my mind down, like deep breathing.  I also came out with a video series I am putting out on YouTube about sleep problems, relationships, etc. etc.  Please look for a notice on here about that…

I think it comes with the ADD territory, feeling overwhelmed and wanting to find a release, even to put it out on someone else if that would help, which it usually doesn’t in my experience. 

Please hang in there.  Just reading about ADHD helps me get a handle on what is going on with me.

Good luck,

Eric

Posted by Yamalen on Apr 08, 2017 at 2:43am

My methods to calm down and clear my head are to
-  go for a walk in the bush ( wild country)
-  focus on something that is unrelated to life around me and build a model plane, make some other model, curl up and read a fiction book [ I normally only read non-fiction], or maybe watch a fun silly movie.
-  dig up the garden which is a new focus plus lots of energy expended.

Posted by Bob from Cootamundra on Apr 08, 2017 at 4:47am

But when it’s something specific that a friend has done, or neglected to do, it begins to fester and even though I understand the reasons and issues that they’re having it still pisses me off. And if I don’t let them know, it will grow and the resentment and everything will be worse if I don’t get it off my chest. When it’s stuff like that, I have to vent to feel better. I actually didn’t talk to my BFF of about 18 years for almost an entire year b/c I was trying to handle this on my own w/o doing that anymore. All that did was make it way worse.

I ended up writing her this crazy letter and she emailed me and told me that I should get therapy, I’m like well, duh. But I can’t b/c A. It doesn’t help. And B. I’m too sick to make it to appts. My previous therapy place discharged me b/c of not being able to make it to my appts. My illness has progressively gotten a lot worse to the point where I’m often much too ill to go to the doc & not sick enough for the ER. So it’s a conundrum. That’s more clarification. I didn’t mean just general irritability. Although I’m a big venter. I feel better when I vent. If I have no one to vent to for long enough, I’ll just vent to random people.

It’s very bad for me, as an extrovert, to be isolated and in my own head too long. Since I relocated I’ve had such a difficult time and been way too isolated. And I’m so pissed that my BFF has been too busy with her new baby & has no time for me, can’t use her Chrome book b/c she has to lend it to her older son, b/c she can’t afford to get another one right now. So I understand all of the issues & reasons but it still makes me feel irritated b/c I need support. And I don’t have very much in the way of consistent reliable support. I have lots, but just not in any consistent way. Plus there aren’t that many people with whom I can really talk, ya know? Most of my acquaintances don’t really get me at all. Just a few close friends who are busy w/their own lives. Sorry for going on and on. See what I mean? I haven’t talked to anyone since my birthday & that was the 25th of last month.

Posted by gothceltgirl on Apr 09, 2017 at 11:41pm

I also use EFT to calm down. Deep breaths just make my shortness of breath worse. Meditation makes me either sleepy or more bored/restless.

Posted by gothceltgirl on Apr 09, 2017 at 11:45pm

If you’re of Scots-Irish decent, congratulations.
You’re perfectly normal. It’s welded into our DNA.

Scottish word of the day: Carnaptious

Carnaptious, our Scottish word of the day, is most often used to describe someone ill-tempered and grumpy; most likely on the warpath and looking for a fight for very little, if any reason.

Although falling out of popular use, and not nearly as common as it used to be, carnaptious is still a term reserved by some Scots to describe that pent-up, unwavering anger simmering beneath someone’s surface.

http://www.scotsman.com/lifestyle/scottish-word-of-the-day-carnaptious-1-2803244

Posted by MrNeutron on Apr 15, 2017 at 1:33am

Exploding due to pent up frustration coupled with impulsivity is common with ADHD.  It’s imperative that they know what I think and how they make me feel.  Your feelings are real….very real.  The intensity of them is due to the high amount of dopamine your body dumps in reaction to the situation triggering your impulsivity.  I deal with this every day with my son.

My son has been suffering with this for the last 7 years.  I had to get him behavioral therapy with a psychologist to help tone it down.  It doesn’t always stop the impulsivity, but helps redirects it so it will be more constructive, instead of, destructive. 

I believe, the key is to identify your triggers.  Think how you want to relay that information and take a moment to calm a bit before relaying it constructively to the person.  It’s not about what you say, but how you say it.  If you say it right, anyone will hear you.  This has helped my son a great deal.  Not a 100%, but a place to start. 

I hope this helps. ALSO Try this article.  I believe it will help you.

https://www.additudemag.com/treating-depression-and-adhd/

Posted by DMose on Apr 25, 2017 at 5:27pm

I used to bottle up my anger and then explode in very destructive ways and I ended many relationships because of that.

Then I started expressing my anger as soon as something bothered me but as I had so much suppressed anger, I over reacted to things that bothered me.

Then I started to deal with anger with a strategy. It is hard to apply any strategy when you are busy over reacting.

Now I am kind of getting a hold of it. It takes practice.

Posted by najn on May 07, 2017 at 5:45pm

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