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Does this happen to you too?

Hello. I’m 41, female, ADHD. I feel isolated at work, nobody talks to me…I feel I said something to get under someone’s skin. One day I can go to lunch with someone, the next week they ignore me, act irritated at everything I say…it’s like they have a “Let ‘s Ignore Me” club. It hurts so bad.

Replies

I used to be in that club. I think it’s because I would come on way too strong and had little self-esteem and sense of who I was.
Hope that helps.

Posted by Turtle65 on Feb 06, 2014 at 6:26am

If you are brave enough and really want to know, ask one of the more gentle looking people in private what’s going on.  Maybe you do come on too strong.  Maybe you need a breath mint.  Maybe it has nothing to do with you, and everyone has general poor morale at that work place.

Posted by mama36_13 on Feb 06, 2014 at 6:37am

Yes this has happened to me. To be truthful, all too often. The most important thing to remember is that your attitude towards your co-workers can make it go from bad to worse. Be positive. Act like all is forgiven. Be nice to people without expecting anything in return. I have been in your shoes and I know that this advice is not easy to swallow. Be brave, it is like jumping into a pool. Good luck to you.

Posted by SquarePeg on Feb 06, 2014 at 6:41am

I used to be in that club too.  Looking back, I was nervous & trying too hard to fit in.  It took me awhile but I relaxed & started listening more.  My mind (before diagnosis & meds) was so much in overdrive, I had a hard time listening. Hope it helps.

Posted by ctm1 on Feb 06, 2014 at 6:45am

Yes! It happens once in a great while with some people I work with. But… most of the time, it happens with my boss. He is the same age as my father, and he is someone that I REALLY admire and respect. And, it isn’t so much that he “ignores me”, as that he doesn’t tend to be very social with me as he has been before. I have the “impulsive” tendency, and I know that there are times in meetings or in conversations that I blurt out things that don’t make much sense or that aren’t helpful with the topic at hand. When I’m in a meeting where he is present, or just speaking in the office with him, I genuinely try to THINK BEFORE I SPEAK. Sometimes I can do it well, sometimes I’d give anything to rewind my life about 30 seconds.

Posted by Grierwego on Feb 06, 2014 at 8:34pm

I sometimes have this problem.  It depends on the type of work I am doing.  Certain careers attract different personalities.  I am curious whether others have experienced this?  I think I have come to the conclusion that the more adhd friendly the career area or job is the better your work relationships are.  Also,  I do not have the same issue with social relationships.

Posted by Learningforma on Feb 06, 2014 at 9:10pm

I work with mostly male engineers, electricians, maintenance people. There is only one other female. I only start conversations if someone is near me, otherwise I keep to myself. Can I be that annoying?  My Dr took me off Adderall a year ago when I felt this way…now I am on Amantadine and a mood stabilizer. I have been looking for work in sales, where the co-workers are more extroverted, but in the meantime, I am so depressed.

Posted by tallblonde1 on Feb 07, 2014 at 12:25am

Like tallblonde1, I’m a female who works in a male dominated industry.  I’m the only female on my team.  I really don’t have a problem with it, and I actually fit in pretty well.  In the past I worked in an industry that was female dominated and I didn’t fit in so well.  But maybe the male-to-female ratio has nothing to do with it. I changed careers a while back, so maybe it’s like Learningforma said,  “I think I have come to the conclusion that the more adhd friendly the career area or job is the better your work relationships are.”  My career is very adhd-friendly, and probably attracts people with adhd.  I work in a career field where hyperfocus is a good thing wink

Posted by csiagent32 on Feb 07, 2014 at 5:46am

Thanks for all the advice. Thankfully, this job is a contract that ends in a few months. The money is great, but the anxiety is overwhelming. I told my supervisor I was looking elsewhere and would end the contract if I found something new. I’ve had a few phone interviews for media and telecom sales, but no follow through on the recruiters part. My stomach is in knots constantly!

Posted by tallblonde1 on Feb 07, 2014 at 1:38pm

Actually happens to me all the time.. but I recently noticed that people ignore each other most of the time everywhere, either directly or “indirectly”, putting up a fake facade to each other.
It may actually be my excessive feeling or loneliness (elevated, perhaps, also due to my so special ADD-neuro-wiring ..smile ) that makes me a bit excessively sensitive to being too much ignored. While in reality I may be just as much (or as little)  “ignored” as anyone else around is ignored by their ignorers .. 
So I am trying to be more mindful about trying not to ignore the others (especially on whom my survival depends or who looks up to me for something), rather than getting upset about how many ignore me.

Posted by ADDRussian on Feb 07, 2014 at 9:01pm

Ohhhh man. This describes me perfectly! I’m 24 and my freshman year of college was hell! I was really shy, but I feel as though I somehow got on people’s bad side very quick! I actually got pregnant and ended up dropping out. Anyway, fast forward to my first “real” job I literally felt like everyone in the office hated me! They would whisper when I walked by, roll their eyes, etc. I already have no self esteem and am awkward so this basically sent me into the deepest pit of depression I’ve ever been in. I ended up not being able to function at work because my anxiety and ADD got the best of me and I was fired a year later. I think in our minds we are overly concious of what people think and it actually hurts us because we think EVERYONE is against us. I’m sorry I don’t have any advice, but I just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone.

Posted by _ashlynnicole on Feb 10, 2014 at 9:31pm

Wow, I am glad I am not the only one that has ever felt like that. Like everyone can communicate just fone with everyonbe else but when it comes to talking to me, they would rather tear their tongue out and say nothing. It is very frustrating and not so good for my already low self esteem.

I have been working at the same place for over 6 years and it took me almost 5 years just to get over the hump of being able to accept the fact that it is ok if no one wants to converse with me daily. Im there to do a job and socializing is second to that. Practically all my life I would be at a job for 3 or 4 years and just like that I am looking for work elsewhere and I believe it was because of my ADD and what I thought people were thinking of me or saying about me. As I get older, I am learning to adapt more to my shortcomings in the social world and not let others shortcomings get the best of me.

Dont know if that helps any but I hope it brings insight that you are not alone in what you are experiencing. smile

Posted by simplynewt on Feb 11, 2014 at 4:06am

I feel like this in everything I do in life.  I hate it! Why do we feel like this?  What is wrong with us?  Why can’t we keep any friends???

Posted by hawaii92 on Feb 15, 2014 at 9:30am

I had that feeling all throughout school. I also used to talk a lot about weather, so that may have put people off. Now I’m like, screw it….I’ve got peeps at karate that I hang out with, and Facebook friends.

Posted by Lilapsophile on Mar 07, 2014 at 9:29pm

I swear, finding this page was one of the best things, I can relate to a lot of what peeps here are dealing with when it comes to ADHD .

Posted by Lilapsophile on Mar 07, 2014 at 9:31pm

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