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Couples With One ADHD Partner

Feeling Frustrated
Keywords:


My husband was recently diagnosed with ADD and began taking amphetamine salts about 9 months ago. For the first six months or so it seemed to work, now he seems to be moving back to his old angry self. Every reaction to anything is anger. I can’t say anything right, I can’t explain anything without getting interrupted and feel like I’m just unhappy around him all the time. Is the negativity and anger normal? If so how does anyone cope with this?

Replies

I really feel for you.

My husband and 2 daughters have ADHD. They each have different co-morbid conditions with it. But only one of the daughters expresses a lot of anger with hers!!! She is now on an anti-depressant and a mood stabilizer. They are definitely helping her but we are still not there. The doctor is working with her to help things get better and I think we are going in the right direction. Things are looking up.

From my experience, depression is often expressed as anger. Please get him to a psychiatrist.

Posted by DE gwynne on Mar 30, 2017 at 2:01pm

If things were going better and then disintegrated, I would talk to the prescribing doctor about it. He may need a dose increase or to try a different medication.

Here’s more on anger and ADHD too:
http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/5235.html
http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/5249.html
http://www.additudemag.com/adhdblogs/24/10466.html

Penny
ADDconnect Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

Posted by adhdmomma on Mar 30, 2017 at 2:26pm

Thank you for the responses! I appreciate your insight and there’s something conforting about knowing that I’m not crazy!

Posted by Jenphd on Mar 31, 2017 at 1:23am

My boyfriend is often super angry.  When he’s calmer, he does much better at expressing his feelings.  Often, the anger is because he’s frustrated or feeling like I’m judging or criticizing him - especially if it’s in relation to a problem we’ve discussed before.  He just jumps to anger.  We have to take some time apart so he can calm down, and then we can usually talk about it. 
Also, if the manufacturer of the medicine has changed, that can make a HUGE difference.  We have to make sure his medicine (also amphetamine salts) is consistent.  (We researched and found that some manufacturers use a different recipe and call it the same drug.)

Posted by ceausa on Apr 13, 2017 at 6:01pm

I know that anger that sits under the skin. I have felt it, seen it, and have been in that space, like your husband. If I am struggling to find a space to reach someone, I catch them off guard with a bit of humor to tell them their ‘tude’ is sulky. I can push a bit and tease the emotion to make a point, sometimes it works if he wants to listen. Its really up to him to stop the re-acting and notice what is happening. Being on medication requires an attentiveness and questioning of emotive behavior - talk with your coach or psychiatrist about the moods and dosing schedule and a solution will reveal itself.

Try not to take it personally, its hard,.... the humor helps to make it known so both of you can have a laugh and be open to another way - its difficult to find that space with a love when mental fog sets in but it will lift and eventually you will find a groove if both of you work on it. If he keeps lashing out, separate your self from his ‘tude’ focus on you. Tell him what you need in the most compassionate way.

- miko

Posted by miko+ink on Apr 13, 2017 at 11:44pm

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