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Parents of ADHD Children

Feeling Like a Failure
Keywords:


Everyone told me middle school would be difficult, but I didn’t know just how bad it would get!  Every day brings a new challenge.  My son has skipped school, used vulgar language, acted out, become extremely difficult to talk to.  He is struggling socially, but not academically.  It’s so difficult!

Today, he was moved from being mainstreamed back into the self-contained classroom.  He screamed the f-word many times at teachers, refused to talk to them, and had to be physically removed.

I just called his therapist, that he hasn’t seen in several years. Thankfully, she can see him this week.  We go back to the psychiatrist in a few weeks, so we can check on meds.  I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with all my medical bills from him, and now, I will be right back in debt.

I am angry, frustrated, and terribly sad.  Please tell me there will a be a time when things get a little easier.

Replies

It sounds like you’re doing the right things by setting up the appointments and checking on meds.

My ADHD-er hasn’t reached middle school yet, but my older son is just about to wrap up his 8th grade year.  Middle school was H-A-R-D!  Everyone warned us, even the principal on back to school night.  I never thought it would be that hard for my kid.  My kid was the straight A student who never got in trouble, always the teacher’s pet and well liked in every class.  Puberty hit and BOOM - everything turned upside down. 

It does get easier.  In the meantime, follow the advice of professionals and your gut, stay consistent and find a fellow Middle-School Mom friend to vent too.

Posted by Pump2Duncan on Apr 04, 2017 at 4:18pm

The stress kids are under in middle school is overwhelming. Add disabilities to the mix and it’s like a pressure cooker. Our cognitive capabilities shut down under stress and anxiety, and our behavior and emotions can go haywire.  http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/11630.html

It sounds to me like he’s in crisis, and crisis behaviors occur when expectations exceed capability. I would ask the school to do a Functional Behavior Assessment (FBA) and formulate and implement a resulting Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP). I’d request a full evaluation for services and an IEP if he doesn’t already have those supports. If he does, I’d call an IEP meeting and modify it to better support his current needs.

As Ross Greene says, “Kids do well if they can.” When a child isn’t doing well, we have to get to the root of the matter and help them succeed. http://www.additudemag.com/RCLP/sub/11396.html

Penny
ADDconnect Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

Posted by adhdmomma on Apr 05, 2017 at 3:39pm

Penny, thank you.  Great advice.  He actually has all of those things in place.  They reached out to me and suggested the therapist again.  I was the one that asked them to put him in the self-contained class room for the remainder of the week.

He is doing fine academically, it is social stresses.  Since we have 2 days of school before spring break, I thought to get him away from whatever is prompting this, he’ll have over a week of vacation.  Get him started with the therapist and go from there.

The school is doing a great job with following the IEP and the BIP.  They always reach out when there are issues, they really work with me as a team.  It is me feeling overly pressured and upset.  I knew therapy was going to come back into the picture again, I guess I was just hoping he wouldn’t need it right now.

He won’t talk to me, and actually made up an incredibly elaborate lie when I talked to him. So, it is time to get him with someone who he feels he can talk to. 

Thank you so much for your response.

Posted by cmullen17 on Apr 05, 2017 at 6:24pm

It does get better! Middle school is tough under the best circumstances.  Remember that our kiddos are 3-4 behind emotionally so while they may be in middle school and experiencing puberty related issues, the rest of them isn’t ready yet. Middle school for my two ADDers was HELL, and that’s putting it lightly. High school was a bit easier, but it’s a long, bumpy road and then they grow up and you remember why you love them.

Posted by Nemo on Apr 05, 2017 at 10:02pm

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