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Parents of ADHD Children

Feeling Overwhelmed
Keywords:


Hi I am a parent of a child with ADHD and ODD among other things. His behavior is out of control, he takes concerta 27mg & tenex along with it. After attempts of trying everything under the sun I can think of I’m literally at my wit’s end. I’ve tried consistency, structure, praise, consequences, changing his diet, medication, therapy, everything… I don’t know what to do anymore. Any opinions? Are there any other things I’m not trying? My anxiety is through the roof and seriously don’t know what else to do.

Replies

I have been where you are and so have many of the parents I work with. So you are certainly not alone!  It’s hard to see the “forest for the trees” when you are snack dab in the middle of all the turmoil.

There may or may not be things you are not trying but before you can even know that, you need to get your anxiety and stress under control. The fact is, your thoughts cause your emotions—so in order to feel better, you need to look at how you are thinking/interpreting your situation, your child’s behavior, etc. and work on ways to think about it all differently.

It may take a long time before his behavior changes; you don’t have to wait for that to happen before you start to feel better.

I talk about this in more detail in a book I recently wrote but in a nutshell, when you think better, you will feel better—and when you feel better, you will be able to deal with no matter what your child does or doesn’t do. And you will be able to see things much more clearly and be able to make decisions from a much better emotional place—a place of calm.

Also, some people say that parenting a child with these issues is a marathon not a sprint, which I agree. But I think it’s also a relay race—that you don’t have to run all alone. Get some help and support. Get some objective eyes on your situation to give you ideas for things you could modify or try. But most of all, get some emotional support for yourself so you can start feeling better no matter what.

I wish you all the best,

Joyce Mabe
Parent coach, mom of adult son with ADHD, author
Website: http://www.parentcoachjoyce.com

Posted by parentcoachjoyce on Apr 04, 2017 at 3:47pm

Agreed Joyce! My worst years were when our daughter was between 8 and 10, and finally something snapped in me from the stress…luckily it was for the better. I decided the stress was too much for our family and learned to calm myself, not respond with fear, anger, dismay, but instead be matter of fact. It makes a HUGE difference in how my daughter responds back to me. I learned to accept her capabilities and behaviors which I knew she had no control over, and set expectations for those elements she can control.

Acceptance of what is, and what will be in the future,  such as low grades, not being able to do all the activities she’d like because it takes her longer to study, some relationship limitations, etc. etc. has done much to keep me calm, instead of trying to fix everything.

I also needed to accept myself, know that I will make mistakes, I will get caught up in the moment and not always make the best decisions for her.

Forgive yourself, accept who your son is, spend time loving him and being with him.

Posted by boomer on Apr 04, 2017 at 7:56pm

There is a long and steep learning curve to parenting kids with ADHD. What I’ve found most successful over the years is to take a calm, positive parenting approach and truly understanding my son’s world and needs.

The book, “The Explosive Child” by Ross Greene changed our lives. I HIGHLY recommend it.

This is definitely a marathon and not a sprint. Changing behavior takes an immense amount of frequency, consistency, mindfulness, and time. LOTS OF TIME. Just to change one behavior (or improve it) could take 6-12 months. Most parents give up after not getting results in a short amount of time.

You also have to get your mind right for this parenthood. Your child’s behavior can’t be “fixed” because there is no fix/cure for ADHD. Instead, your mission is to craft a life of success and happiness through coping mechanisms, strategies and work-arounds for ADHD weaknesses.

Here’s more on this:
http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1563.html
http://www.additudemag.com/slideshow/227/slide-1.html
http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/860.html

Penny
ADDconnect Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

Posted by adhdmomma on Apr 05, 2017 at 3:32pm

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