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Feeling alone

Just had a 504 plan put in place at the school. Had some hope that would help and I could delay meds. My husband(also adhd) thinks the plan is bs. I feel like anything Im trying to do is wrong.

Replies

I don’t think u r doing the wrong thing. We r doing the same. The 504 plan will help your son to catch up academically but definitely not with his hyper activity or silliness if he is like my son. I’m delaying medicine as long as he’s not falling behind. Don’t feel bad.you r doing your best.good luck

Posted by adhdboy on Dec 05, 2013 at 10:18am

I always say that one of the symptoms of ADHD is parental guilt since we very often feel like everything we do is wrong. It’s such a hard condition to manage often the whole family is thrown into turmoil, so whatever it is you’re going through we almost all will have gone through it before.

504 plans are always a good start. Making them effective can be challenging. Depending on what is agreed upon the results can be very different. It takes a team effort to make it work, the school and the parents, so coordinating that can be an uphill battle. But it is a beginning and a good one to have in place. If it’s not working don’t be shy about talking to the school councilor and teachers about it.

I’ve also mentioned often how very important medications can be. My son’s teachers said it was a difference of night and day regarding his improvement in behavior. There is no reason to delay medications if they will help. It’s just unnecessary suffering for everyone. It’s a medical condition in large part so that’s the wisest way to consider it and talk to your child’s pediatrician.

Guilt on top of an already stressful situation is a terrible combination. But you are doing something, being proactive, trying to help your child, so whatever else you should feel really good about that. Step by step you’ll get there, just don’t be too hard on anyone, especially yourself. It’s a serious condition that we all struggle with.

Posted by Havebeenthere on Dec 05, 2013 at 10:24am

Hes above average at this point academically so we have the option of delaying meds. Im concerned how they will effect him. My husband is totally against starting him so young and he takes adderall himself. Its just so confusing. I want to do whats best, then I have someone close to me that has it and is telling me not to medicate.

Posted by jenpen629 on Dec 05, 2013 at 10:32am

It is so difficult when someone you love and respect is pressuring you to not medicate.  It clouds the decision that you need to make with emotion and obligation and is just not fair.  All respect to your loved one, ignore them.  Not their decision to be made.

Talk to a pediatric psychiatrist and ask them what the meds will do.  And you can be thankful that ADHD is largely hereditary because the meds that work for your husband will most likely work for your child.

I understand the worry.  I had the same thing.  And society at the moment is not recognizing ADHD as a real impairment but rather as a tendency exacerbated by “bad parenting” in other word, they think it is parents fault.  But it is no more your fault than if your child were near sighted or had diabetes.  It is a physiological impairment, a disability.  It can’t be cured, it can only be managed.  Like diabetes.  It is your child’s brain that does not work as it should rather than the pancreas. 

You need some input by professionals who can tell you what the meds will and will not do.  And you should get the bottom of why your husband does not want to medicate… you may be able to wait a few years or you may not.  But medication for anyone with ADHD of even mild impairment is going to benefit from meds.

Best.  You will make the right decision if you ask questions.

Posted by YellaRyan on Dec 05, 2013 at 12:09pm

COMMENTS REPOSTED BY MODERATOR TO COMBINE DUPLICATE THREADS

We also have a 504 plan in place and when I emailed my step daughter’s counselor this weekend to ask for extra support in changing her work habits she was unable to offer us any help or suggestions. I am also incredibly frustrated with the lack of help from the school and that everything I’m trying just feels like it’s a dead end. However, I was told that an IEP (individual education plan) can work better than a 504 plan as teachers are typically expected to be more involved with these.

Posted by EveMin on Dec 05, 2013 at 5:30am

 

akehii
Adhd does not qualify for a IEP on its own. However you can get accommodations with a 504 under the disablites act. But most teachers see it as a 504 is a list recomadations and some times can be really hard to get the school to follow. 
But the flip side if you have a good teacher who sees that 504 and that this kid will need extra help and go above abd beyond.  Every year is diffrent.

A 504 is the first step to helping her thrive. Next is to discover were the challenges are. That depends on her and her age. Meds can help but the key is to teach skills and i will be honest pills dont teach skills smile meds have a purpose and can be a great tool when used in conjunction with behavoir modifactions and parent education.  Because the more you understand the more you thrive as a whole. With that said they are also not the first line of defence. But when you do decide meds are the next step you have to be okay with it. Set a date and a goal. Like if she is not passing 3 or more classes at the end of the school year we will persue meds. But tell then we are going to try x,y,and z to see if they can help.

As for work habits pick up a copy of “organising the disorganized child” it is a great book and a really easy read. Other then that You can email me at any time and can give you more. .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Well i guess i should tell you about me….  I have adhd and two of my 4 kids also are amazing like me. My day job is teaching social skills classes and working with parents of adhd kids. I am the coordinator for stumptown chadd.

Good luck and know you are not alone. Many parents have gone through this hell of not knowing what to do and dealing with schools most servive with there sanctity intact smile

Posted by akehii on Dec 05, 2013 at 11:33am

Posted by adhdmomma on Dec 05, 2013 at 7:18pm

One thing you might want to do to ensure that your 504 or IEP is enforced correctly (and that your son gets the most out of it) is hire a student advocate!  It was the best thing we did.  It keeps the schools and the teachers doing with is best for your son.

Posted by reneerh on Dec 05, 2013 at 9:11pm

My son has always had above average grades as well, often getting straight A’s, but that doesn’t mean he won’t need the medication he’s on because he does. He will most likely be on it for the rest of his life. If it’s what makes his life happier, then what more could we ask for. He knows it too.

YellaRyan’s advice and information are wonderful and explain the issues very well. Excellent analogies that put ADHD in context in a ways which are so important.

ADHD children are typically three years behind their peers in maturity which makes their lives very difficult. Even if children are able to be academically successful that does not mean they aren’t struggling in school in other ways because they are. Peer relations and day to day behavioral difficulties means they are suffering, but medication can make a world of difference. It is a condition with physical origins and that’s why it can be treated successfully with medication.

Ask the experts is the best advice for this condition as for all others. Then you’ll know the best line of treatment. ADHD is not well understood by the majority of people, so you’ll have to be prepared to have the information for yourself and make these decisions even if others may not give full support.

Getting an advocate is also good advice, especially if there are issues with how the 504 is working and you’re having trouble getting cooperation with the school. We hired one ourselves recently during a difficult time and she was wonderful. Great support to have when you need it and an outside person who understands the system is very helpful.

You’re out to a good start so best of luck!

Posted by Havebeenthere on Dec 06, 2013 at 9:39am

We didn’t want to medicate our son either, so we used Attend (a homeopathic medication for ADHD).  I think it worked beautifully.  However, it was in between grades and the teacher never saw him before the Attend.  We therefore switched to meds.  The best one we used was a patch that we put on his hip in the morning, but because of his eczema we had to stop using it and it did not stay put when he swam.  I am still not crazy about medicating my son, but he says it works and he can pay attention better.

Posted by Jaymz on Dec 08, 2013 at 6:45am

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