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ADHD at Work

Female Supervisors & Co-workers

I’m a 56 year old woman who was diagnosed with ADHD 2 years ago.  Could this be why I have had such a terrible time with working in an office full of women or working under a female supervisor? I had this problem even in grade school.  Do any other women have this problem?  The female supervisors tend to bully me and the female co-workers seem to form cliques and I’m left out of them. 

I know that I don’t think the same way that most women do.  I’ve always gotten along better with boys as a child and with men as an adult.  My favorite teachers were always men.

This has caused problems every place I’ve ever worked.  My social skills aren’t the greatest but don’t understand women are so hostile towards me.

Is there some way to get along with other women that won’t compromise who I am?  I like being a nerd but I don’t like being a scapegoat and/or social outcast!

Replies

yeah I have the problem with women, Im really nice to everyone though.  I always try to say the right thing.  Since I found out I have adhd and spent 100,000 hours researching it (no meds, I don’t like them) I am no longer a pushover, Im pretty well pissed at how women have treated me and I make sure the women of my family know so.  No Im not mean to anyone, but I speak my mind and don’t care if no one comes around, rather happy they all stay away and keep their complaining and unhappy loser lives to themselves, hahaha wow I sound so selfish, but guess its my turn now.

I also have no women friends, wow no friends.. Laughing pretty loud right now. Im half asleep but I wanted to reply to your message.  Don’t mean to sound so odd but I think you understand where Im coming from.  Used to feel like all the ladies at work where jelous of me, Im very easy going and happy most of the time.  But I think its the adhd thing they pick up and it sends off some kind of vibes that makes them nervous.  We’re kind of super-natural or something, Im just learning about it. 

Good night and Im sure this didn’t help, like I said Im quite sleepy wink  Best of Luck, your newest nerd friend, Becky Im 47 years old, adult child if you will

Posted by BexIssues on Dec 08, 2013 at 8:22am

Oh Lady’s! Someone else who understands!!!  Finally, I have been struggling with this for years! I work in an office with all women, I do well with two of them, however, the other, can pick out every"I” that I don’t dot or “T” I don’t cross! The harder I try the worse it gets, No person is perfect, but my self esteem is really starting to suffer, any advise?! I tried talking directly with her, but know it’s even worse…help

Posted by Deb W on Dec 10, 2013 at 12:01am

I don’t think it’s ADHD or you. I think most women, especially in company of OTHER women, have crazy expectations. They also tend to give a lot of thought to what OTHER people are doing or wearing or dating and whether they should be.

I am a female, and I do have very good female friends, but only those girls I find atypical. The expectations I’m talking about are things like: ‘She didn’t compliment my new hairdo’, or ‘after telling me about her morning, she didn’t probe ME about MY morning…I’m not going to talk with her, if she doesn’t guide me with questions she should know to ask me.  I expect her to know I want to be asked’  All these weird rules where I’m supposed to read minds and supply specific prompts so the girl can take part in a dialogue. I don’t think a conversation means anything if I’m supposed to ask shallow scripted questions.

I offend girls, not because I’m ADHD, but because I am not interested in artificial banter, and if I’m on a project, I walk by people without noticing they exist. (I’m a software engineer; usually girls at my job locations, are admin types, nothing in common usually).

Disclosure, One more reason I know I piss girls off: I have a decent shape and I wear clothes that fit….enough so you can see I have a tiny waist and some other parts that are kind of cool.  I guess I could try to make girls feel better about themselves by being meek and wearing dumpy sack dresses, but, I really think that’s silly. Okay, I’ve probably offended those reading now. I do love those girls who try to be rational, and who are not competing (for attention, ranking…). What are they trying to win, anyway?


To the person with the suffering self esteem: (Deb W): why would some silly basic females have power to bring you down? They are not important: why try to win the approval of people who criticize in order to elevate themselves. Who cares about them? You’ve got better things to ponder on….and if you don’t, then get interests beyond pleasing difficult people. Read some novels or thought provoking magazines…do/plan your hobbies (or get hobbies), and enrich yourself. Why do so many women try to get bitchy women to like them? Waste of energy. There are plenty of wonderful ladies, ignore the judgmental, no-life having girls. They are transparent: nothing going on for themselves, so their mode is to control, and try to intimidate or judge. Don’t let them.

Posted by machinusx on Dec 10, 2013 at 11:47am

Machinusx, Thanks for the support! She is transparent, a control freak, judges others that aren’t in her “Black and White” world. I see the whole rainbow in people! I’m putting my big girl boots and and not going to let it get to me anymore. Thanks!

Posted by Deb W on Dec 13, 2013 at 2:37am

Omg I love this forum! I have issues with most woman and I’m not sure why because I’m the type to tell another woman they look nice in this outfit or say that’s your color!

I’ve never been accepted growing up and I guess as I’ve gotten older I wish that I was but I’m just not a bitchy woman and I’m a nice creative person!  Sure I’m straight forward and I’ve tried to sugar coat stuff to make other feel better, but I feel like others don’t try to make me feel comfortable, plus seems like they go out of their way to make things difficult! 

I have some skin issues but I wear make-up, yet I feel ugly most of the time being around people cause they thump their nose to me! What’s weird I’ve always been told I was pretty growing up, but being in society don’t feel it! I work in a museum and most of the people dress pretty much the same but I’m curvy black girl who isn’t weight wise small but I’m not fat either and I dress pretty cute along with professional. I can wear a low cut dress ( I pretty much only wear dresses or skirts to work!) and the ladies will act like I’m not even there or just stare at me and I just refuse to wear boring museum clothes to fit in! I’ve had people ask me where I get my clothes and say ” oh their clothes is poorly made!” I’m a huge H&M fan and they say their poorly made clothes come on! Even if they are why would you say that to someone who is wearing their clothing! I can’t afford much in clothing since I graduated from college last year and money goes to bills, my mom buys me a lot of cool fashionable clothes and people make snarky commits, it’s just sad how woman are in the work place or the men act like your up for anything cause I’m not wearing the boring museum clothing!

It’s an battle with myself because I’ve let others into my head so bad I’m so negative! I keep to myself because I’m always having issues with bosses coworkers or others and I don’t want drama nor do I want talk about others! I want to talk about what’s new in the world! I would like to get along with people and not lose my smiley creative charming me in work or in social functions, but I need to work on getting positive and not caring so much!

I hate that I pick up people’s vibes, because If it’s an negative vibe I automatically don’t want anything to do with the people or person!

How do you stop caring what other think or say to you?

Posted by Jjingram on Dec 14, 2013 at 4:43pm

Jjingram, I get the whole vibes thing! I too pick that
up! I can tell the minute my boss walks in the door what her mood is, people always ask how I know…just do.  As for the how to stop caring what others think or say, I understand, and am working on that myself. Not personalizing is really hard to do!

Posted by Deb W on Dec 16, 2013 at 11:04pm

It drives me crazy when family members say, the vibes of others shouldn’t change the mood of your day! Yet the different vibes I in counter washes over me and the shaking it off part is hard.

We will all master our weakness one day!

Posted by Jjingram on Dec 17, 2013 at 10:25am

by ‘Jjingram’: “How do you stop caring what other think or say to you?”

I feel bad. I wish I could explain that in a way that would be immediately helpful. What I can say, is that in the past, it would drive me NUTS when complete strangers would gossip/whisper about me (girls of course). Invariably, it was when I thought I looked nice. I would repeat to my friends ‘it makes NO sense, I was nice, I am not half naked, I did nothing to get mean comments’. One of my friends said ‘hey, they don’t pay your bills, they can’t take your man, your family, who cares?’ I thought about it, and she was ABSOLUTELY right. The fact that this strange competition that makes girls size you up and whisper, makes NO sense, really doesn’t matter. It just doesn’t. There ARE great people, girls and guys. The fact is, very few people are worth friendship. Find those worth your time, and waste no energy on the others. Get other things to fill that vacuum. If you, like me, are analytical and curious, don’t guess at why girls are pre-occupied with judging other females and proving their own status. Rather, read or research cool topics you have always meant to, and you’ll be deep in thought on some interesting subject, while a flock of girls whispers to make themselves feel better. I’d rather be the pensive girl, and not in the flock of silly critics.

Posted by machinusx on Dec 18, 2013 at 7:17am

@machinusx,
    Thank you for replying back to me! I guess there’s still a part of me that does want to fit in and doesn’t want to always have issues with people!

What your saying is so true and I worry that my inability to handle people more effectively has messed me up career wise! Work wise I’m kick ass and people, well you’ve seen my replies. I love to learn about new things and I’ve been trying to get myself into learning French!  I’ve been praying as well to better help me get pass the negativity around me and inside of me! Many thanks!

Posted by Jjingram on Dec 18, 2013 at 11:13pm

I have had the same issue my entire life. Growing up, my best friends were boys, at least one was also adhd. I have always had a problem relating to other girls or women. I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to act, everywhere I’ve gone from elementary through high school, working in retail, working in bars (serving is the WORST job for adhders) especially at this one particular bar, the girls were down right hateful, made me cry every single day, not that I needed help in THAT department….I digress.. Even in Cosmetology school, I had been there 1 week and people were already talking about me. There were only 2 or 3 girls however, that I knew were genuine. Those girls defended me and wouldn’t take shit from the others. The funny thing: I knew from day 1 who I could trust, I too “pick up” on emotions, moods and intentions, I think as adhders we inherently pick up on the subtle, but tend to get lost in social ques. We also can be too trusting though raspberry Anyway, good luck. I’m sorry women have hurt you, I completely understand, I do. I understand how hard it is to defend yourself too, when people are SO mean and your depression turns into frustration and anger, when all you want to do is slap that b and tell her who is boss!

Posted by Runningw/shears on Jan 05, 2014 at 10:23pm

Slapping a B would be great! Haven’t slapped anyone in a while lol! Nah, I want to work on letting go! I carry these woman drama with me. Even though I keep to myself, it’s like they have to come to me and try to be clever to see if I’ll talk shiss on someone or they like to talk about people to me! My sister says I have to get use to not agreeing with people on a daily bases!

Posted by Jjingram on Jan 21, 2014 at 4:14pm

This post is the story of my working life. I’m 50, and I still haven’t figured it out. Now I just try to avoid working with a bunch of women.

Posted by tapioca4me on Jun 21, 2014 at 7:22am

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