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Parents of ADHD Children

Frustrated

Ugh! It’s wearing on me. It’s wearing on my relationship with my partner. It’s wearing on our 12yr old daughter. “It’s” adhd and more lately I see ODD too.  I’m tired.
I don’t have a question I just need to vent.
He can be so loving and fun and then an ass and a jerk. I think it. I want to say it. I’m sure I’ve said it with my eyes or voice tone but omg lately I’ve had enough.
He responds to consequences but it’s short lived. It’s only at home. School, friends home etc… He maybe anxious at times with them or in those settings but overall he saves the rough stuff for us. Why? Thoughts or opinions from those experiencing something similar.

Replies

It does sound a lot like anxiety @Jmochmer. It also could be depression—some people show depression through angry behavior.

There are some behavioral strategies you can implement at home to help with this. The following articles are very useful.

http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/9868.html
http://www.additudemag.com/slideshow/26/

You don’t say his age, but puberty can often play a role in changing moods too. (http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/2059.html).
Try implementing more structure and changing what you are doing some and see if it helps.

Penny
ADDconnect Moderator, Author & Mom to Tween Boy with ADHD and LDs

Posted by adhdmomma on Jul 21, 2014 at 4:59pm

“Try implementing more structure”

This is good advice.  I know, it sounds simple, but I notice that my son responds better if things are more structured for him.  I’ll notice he’s having a harder time than usual keeping it together, and that’s a signal to me that we need a tighter ship.  That means earlier to bed (ADHD kids need 10+ hours of sleep per night, and many of them have a hard time shutting down enough to get it… if your son is one, think about melatonin, blackout curtains, etc.).  It means regular meals that are high in protein.  It means regular exercise.  It means cutting out as much chaos and stress as we can.  It means being ready for times that he gets upset or lashes out, and having a plan to avoid them (e.g. making sure we have the same expectations, or a snack before homework, or not trying to do too much when he’s tired, etc.).  Usually if we can get back on track like that, it helps. 

The times it doesn’t work as much are times of high stress… for my son those times seem to be before the Christmas break and in the Spring.  Both are times when things get intense at school and that stress and/or excitement often spills into his social relationships, etc.  But of course those times are when we need to just keep doing what we’re doing and know that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.  It’ll get better.

Posted by Rai0414 on Jul 22, 2014 at 12:04am

Oh, and yes, the worst behaviour and outbursts are usually always for us at home.  I’m not a pushover… I’m consistent and calm, but it still happens.  I’ve had people tell me it’s because he feels most comfortable at home, so doesn’t have to hold things together as much as at school or at a friend’s, which is probably true, but doesn’t make it any better.  raspberry

Posted by Rai0414 on Jul 22, 2014 at 12:06am

Thank you for the responses. Guess I did leave his age out. He is 7. Diagnosed around 5/6. He takes Focalin XR 10mg and Focalin 2.5mg early evening. We are thinking the evening med needs to be upped but are also questioning on whether we need to look more into neuro feedback. Do any of you have info on this treatment option? We are also wondering if the med is the correct one for his brain chemistry. We have him working with a behaviorial therapist but want to tie what he works on to also working in the home environment.
He shows signs of ODD which wouldn’t be a shocker since it can go hand n hand with adhd.
Scared for him. I work with at risk kids. I know the parth this can lead too but I’m a professional who is the mom now having to deal with it. It’s different when it’s your own kiddo. Feel free to respond this has been very helpful.

Posted by Jmachmer on Jul 23, 2014 at 3:38am

Why is he on medication in the evening? Doesn’t that interfere with him going to sleep? (Sorry, my son takes Biphentin. I don’t know anything about Focalin.)

I don’t know if there’s enough evidence to say neuro feedback works. Some people swear by it, but many doctors aren’t so sure.

I was a part of a 12 week ADHD parenting course through our local ADHD clinic and we talked a bit about the scary possibilities for teens with ADHD. But one thing one of the psychologists said made me feel a lot better… We were there to learn and change things for our kids. The chances of our kids falling into that group drops significantly just because of that. We won’t let them fall through the cracks.

Our kids are harder to parent. It feels like we’re not getting through and they’ll never get it. But we just need to persevere, keep calm and consistent and eventually they’ll get there.

Posted by Rai0414 on Jul 23, 2014 at 5:58am

Rai0414, that last statement is very true. I’m going to remember that.
The booster med is short lived and is to be enough to get him through his evening.  He also takes melatonin prior to bed. We felt this was all working pretty well but this summer as of the last month we see him being less focused before 8pm and temper tantrums are happening more often. If we allow him to stay up and start the bedtime routine later it’s been a disaster.
Anyone experience periods of time where the kiddo is easy, they go along with the “program” with little to no trouble and then you have a period of time where it’s a battle all the time with the kiddo?

Posted by Jmachmer on Jul 23, 2014 at 11:00am

Yes! There’s definitely an ebb and flow to ADHD behavior. The lack of structure during the summer months can cause issues for sure.

Penny
ADDconnect Moderator, Author & Mom to Tween Boy with ADHD and LDs

Posted by adhdmomma on Jul 23, 2014 at 1:50pm

I’ve never heard it officially, and no one in our parenting group knew what I was talking about, but my son 100% goes through phases. It’s almost a month or two on, and then a month or two off. During the on times, I start to question how bad things could have been and if it’s all in my head. Then come the off times and I wonder how we’ll ever survive and if I’m a good mom.

Things are getting bad here again. We need more structure… early to bed, etc.

Posted by Rai0414 on Jul 24, 2014 at 5:51am

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