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Parents of ADHD Teens and Young Adults

Gifted with ADHD and ODD?

My 13-year old ADHD daughter is intellectually brilliant, her school is great, she’s in lots of advanced classes and making mostly As, she’s on medication, but she is still so DISRUPTIVE IN CERTAIN CLASSES and she is extremely disrespectful to me at home. She especially dislikes a certain teacher and does very deliberate things, like calling him by his first name in response to a “reigning in” comment he made to her. We just had a weekend with multiple incidences of lying and deceitfulness to ignore rules she didn’t like. I already work with psychiatrists and a counselor. I’m thinking about military school but think she’ll just run away. Do I add yet another medication for ODD and/or anxiety or try the military boarding school?

Replies

Have you tried grounding her for being disrespectful and spiteful?  My 13 year old son has ADHD and ODD and he’s lying also.  He also has limited contact with friends, which I suspect is because he “acts like a know-it-all” and turns other teens off.  Grounding my son is helping and being consistent with giving him consequences is calming these behaviors down.  I would talk w/your daughter’s doctor to see what he says, butting consequences for her actions is what I recommend first.  I tried being my son’s friend, and it didn’t work at all.

Posted by upinarmsmom on Jun 09, 2011 at 2:25am

We ground her regularly, take away her electronics - her electronics are all parked in my husband’s desk drawer idenfinitely at this point, we’ve even taken away her riding lessons as much as I hate to take away a positive activity. Right now, in addition to being grounded and not allowed to get togetjer with friends after school or on the weekends, she can only use the phone in the kitchen, and we’ve cancelled her attending the 2 “schools-out” get togethers that are being held at friends house. These types of consequences happen regularly. We also tell her quite openly and honestly that her behavior affects the quality of life for the rest of us. Sometimes my husband and I feel like our goal for her is simply to get her to 18 without being pregnant or having a drug addiction and with grades that will enable her to get into some sort of decent college. Not quite what we had pictured 13 years ago.

Posted by MindfulMomof2Daughters on Jun 09, 2011 at 8:10pm

Hi ,
I just joined here and I read these posts and I’m living it too. So in one way Im saddened in another Im encouraged to hear similar stories. I have a 16 year old son who is in a military ” boot camp” type of school. I filed incorrigabilty papers on him through DHHR. He has never committed any crimes ( Praise God) but he has failed academically since 6th grade, constant suspensions from school, hanging out with the wrong kids, lying, disrespect, etc. Last year 9th grade he failed several classes- I had him take summer school, this year - 10th grade he was suspended for 26 days, drinking, doing drugs, etc - I finally had enough and asked the State for help ( before he did commit crimes and get sent to jail) Well I guardedly feel like I have my son back. It is so strict - he gets one 5 minute phone call to home a week, no electronics, head shaved, etc but he has a 3.25 gpa, he writes letters, can read books in his one hour a day spare time, etc. He writes how much he realizes how good he had it at home, how much he misses his family, etc. He will be there until Aug 15th at which time he will go to another place where they focus on family integration, counselling, etc.HE will sleep at the facility at night and attend the public school in our home district. I’m concerned about him coming back to the same temptations, peers, etc

Posted by speced4kids on Jun 09, 2011 at 8:44pm

Hi all:

I’m so sorry for the struggles you all are facing—the love you have for your children shines through these painful posts. I just found a few links that might be helpful and wanted to pass them along for you and others parenting a child with ODD and ADHD…

A collection of articles about ODD and ADHD:
http://www.additudemag.com/search/keyword/Oppositional Defiant Disorder.html

The Truth About Your Child’s Lying:
http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/5705.html

Wishing you the best…

Posted by Anni Rodgers on Jun 09, 2011 at 8:52pm

My daughter is 14, ADHD, visually impaired and gifted.  We have had lots is ODD behavior and meltdowns around frustration aimed toward us.  We go to a psychologist who is great but she is arguing with him now.  I have been really worried about high school next year because her maturity level is two years behind her age.  They really do not coddle kids in high school whether they have a 504 or IEP.  They have to be able to communicate their needs and get their homework down.  She does really well on tests and standardized tests (with large text), she has trouble getting the homework down due to the ADHD and not being able to read the board and not wanting to get up and right it down.

I sort of let her fail at some things this year.  As an adult with ADD (no H), I know they key to success for us is to identify and admit what we aren’t good at and seek help for that.  She has a hard time doing that.  Towards the end of the year, her behavior was terrible as the pressure at school went up.  At one point, I don’t think she had privileges until college (LOL).  Taking privileges away alone was not working.

This summer we have started giving her a lot more responsibilities and chores.  Both to tame the behavior in a different way and to ratchet up the maturity and responsibility.  If she does them without complaining, she gets plenty of screen time (phone , computer, Wii or TV) and if she doesn’t, she doesn’t get that.  It is early yet and we’ve had two meltdowns, but overall it is going better.  For those who have taken everything away to no avail, you might want to try this approach.  I’m hoping for the best!

Posted by btjberg on Jun 16, 2011 at 9:37am

If you are looking for a boarding school for your daughter to help her learn to focus and succeed in school, I think the military boarding school is the answer to your problems.

Military boarding schools are ideal options for parents who want intelligent, respectful and disciplined children. They are very helpful for students who have facing some difficulties in their life and may need help.

Posted by Lucy Feild on Nov 29, 2011 at 11:18am

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