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Grandma seeks advice/support for single mom of 3 with ADD/ADHD

My middle daughter is a single parent to 4 children…3 who have ADD/ADHD. The oldest is an 11 yr. old son who suffers with ADHD, depression and some behavioral problems.  He mostly lives with us but his mom and siblings live down the street.  Next is an 8 yr. old daughter who has ADD, behavioral issues and veryyy lazy..lol.  Next is another son who is 5.  He has ADHD, extra on the hyper and behavioral issues.  The baby is 17 months and is busy learning to be a terrible 2…lol.  We have 2 other daughters of which the youngest is 30 and has had ADHD since she was 6.  There are other family members who have ADD/ADHD so we are always learning.  Even though we “often” give advice and support it would be very helpful for our daughter to get the same from parents in her age group (30’s) who aren’t…old.  To add insult to injury, the 5 and 8 yr old’s have to visit their father every other weekend and they have been in a court battle for the last 2 yrs. over his neglect of their health and safety.  The 11 yr. old does not visit.  Some of their behavioral issues come from these visits.  (We have found and its sad to say that some counselors and lawyers have their hand out constantly but unless your child is dying or dead, they do very little to help).  We are also looking for any support groups for single parents and parents with ADD/ADHD children in the Columbia/Lexington, South Carolina area that our daughter could go to that would help her deal with the a very full plate.

Replies

Have you watched Dr Russell Barkley’s YouTube lecture Essential Ideas for Parents yet?  If not you should. There has been a lot more research on ADHD in the last 30 years. It is one of the most researched and luckily one of the most treatable psychological conditions. But behavioral modification works really only in conjunction with the medications. If your grandchildren are not medicated you should seriously consider it.

And please don’t call them lazy. If you had a stroke and couldn’t remember to brush your teeth would you like being called lazy?  No of course not because it’s not your fault or under your control to force your brain to remember. Children with ADHD are the same. Their brains are not totally under their control.

I know that probably organizing a household wit 4 kids must be a collossol undertaking but the more regimented her day the more peaceful as well. ADHD brains need habits, good habits. But they are also resistant to habits so consistency is key. I wish I were more consistent for my ADHD child!  It is hard but she
has only improved in the areas where I am consistent.

Posted by YellaRyan on Feb 07, 2014 at 9:26pm

CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) generally has support groups in each state.  It looks like, from their website, there are chapters in Greenville, Hilton Head, and an online support group for South Carolina.  You can check out their website at http://www.chadd.org.

It certainly does sound like your daughter has a full plate.  With so many challenges, I’m wondering if it might not be helpful for her to find a therapist to learn more about dealing with the children’s behavior issues as well as just being a single mom and the stress that goes along with all that.  I know some therapists are not great (I’ve had that experience myself).  You really have to shop around to find one who will be helpful and work well with you.  Make sure they are experts on the subject of ADHD also.  Ask them questions before committing to an appointment.  When you find a good therapist, it can be so helpful because it gives you a more objective perspective than family can usually offer.  Hope this helps!

Posted by debhib on Feb 07, 2014 at 9:37pm

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