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Christians With ADHD

He feels like the victim
Keywords:


My dear husband has a habit of speaking and sending emails to people which he thinks are saying it as it is but cause great offense. He honestly has no idea what the fuss is and always refuses to apologize.

This has caused us to leave two churches and now my children can barely look at him because of the hurt they feel,but my husband feels that he has been bullied and doesn’t really want us to go to church at all.

I’m at my wit’s end.

Any ideas?

Replies

Dear Matti,

I believe that your husband may think that this is his way of genuinely helping people.  I used to think that if I had the answers, then I should share them, until I had to digest the term “unsolicited advice”.

Here’s an article that you may want to share with him.  Please excuse some of the language.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/gillian-rowinski/tips-to-make-your-unsolic_b_9801726.html

I think that this may ‘open his eyes’ to how he is being perceived by others and help him to think twice before speaking.

God bless you and your family.

Diane

Posted by godsl8y on Feb 27, 2017 at 6:48pm

Matti,
Ever read or heard the poem/hymn “Lead kindly Light,” by Cardinal John Henry Newman?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lead,_Kindly_Light#Verses

Reading what C.S. Lewis had to say about pride won’t hurt either. But, in any case where the person with the “who me” approach on life, you’ll really have to think and pray on whether or not to lay it on him straight, on the rocks of pride with no buffering water added.

Anybody who’s carrying a heavy load of pride is already a tough load to carry for others. They and only they know the “full story,” “have all or at least most of all the right answers, or know where to find ‘em,” and ... well, they’re just a pain in the bum’s end. I’ve had to shed a lot of my own share of weighty pride, which combined with years of yet to be diagnosed “ADHD in spades!” The pride showed up in matters of theology, history, politics, journalism, all sorts of interesting stuff. But in the end it was just stuff compared to what my wife and four kids would’ve most preferred me to take pride in; being more of a husband/dad, goofier, better at sports and games and more proficient about fixing things around the house.
  That’s what a lot of navel gazing “woe is me, I’m so ignored and lonely, never mind misunderstood” moments taught me about life, love and how we can make it more enjoyable for everybody. The Lord loves cheerful givers and not just when it comes to putting money in the collect plate or volunteering. He’d rather see more genuine smiles than serious points made in His favor. 
  Newman was a proud Anglican scholar whose trip to Italy (where he wrote the poem while recovering from a terrible illness) and when he returned to Oxford where he was to become part of a movement designed to bring Anglicanism back to its more Catholic origins, many theological truths him squarely in the eyes and heart. So did the rejection of his once former Anglican colleagues and sadly, many other fellow new converts to Catholicism during the English Remancipation of Catholics. He was boxed in. At one time he was highly sought, and almost overnight, he was rejected throughout Victorian England.
  The poem contains all the lines we need to learn on how to rein in our own irritating pride and recover from a lifetime of faux pas and bloopers, etc. It’s necessary that we do stop and take stock and control them when God gives us the opportunity to rein them or they’ll forever reign us and prevent us from forever becoming the people He intended us to be.
Here’s your “layman’s spiritual Rx” from a 65 yr-old “ADHD Lifer.” Read up on Newman and Lewis. Here’s some great Newman quotes to get you both started. (Yep, he’ll need some lovin’ nudgin.’) https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/801500-mere-christianity

Godspeed and Trust in Him.

Posted by Steven Barrett on Feb 27, 2017 at 10:53pm

Dear Diane and Steven

Thank you so much for your insight, it helps me a lot to see thing’s this way. I’m going to print off the article and hymn and show them to him when I feel he is open to them.

Thanks again for taking the time to help.

God bless you your families

Matti

Posted by matti on Feb 28, 2017 at 7:43am

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