Couples With One ADHD Partner
Help me love my ADD/ADHD wife
I’ll keep it short and sweet. Yesterday I yelled at my undiagnosed ADHD wife because she came home 15 minutes late. It was dark and I was waiting up for her and I began to worry. I told her that “I should go out and make you worry about me, that way you’ll know what it’s like…”
She was apologizing but I caught myself feeling guilty. I literally zoned out, and thought to myself. For days now (prior to my yelling at her) I’ve been upset at her typical ADHD behavior (not doing any chores around the house, not cleaning up after herself, neglecting to do homework with our ADHD daughter, etc..). If you’re the parent of a ADD/ADHD child and married to a ADD/ADHD spouse you know exactly what I’m talking about.
I realized it wasn’t her being late coming home (it was only 15 minutes). It was the build up of everything. Of course I spent the rest of the night and most of today distant. Because I’ve been reflecting on how I let things build up. This isn’t the first nor the last time I’ve been down this road. And after 9 years I’m at my wits end. I’m sick of it. Divorcing her isn’t an answer, we have a ADHD daughter, therefore a ADHD daughter and a ADHD mother living together is a recipe for disaster (especially since our daughter has Oppositional Defiant Disorder and DOESN’T respect my wife’s authority).
I feel that I’m stuck in the parent-child dynamic. Where I feel that I’m the only adult in the house. And that I have to treat her just like our 8 year old ADHD daughter. To be honest, being the husband in the marriage I have to do the traditional wife’s cooking/ cleaning/ homework with the child and taking care of home while running a small business. It feels like I’m married to myself for the past 9 years. Like I’m some single parent with 3 daughters. And it’s made me resent her and hate being married. I don’t want to feel like this anymore because every article I’ve read about ADHD marriages, I am a definition for how the non ADHD partner feels towards their ADD/ADHD spouse.
Yes I know I need marriage counseling, I’m hunting one down now. But is their any online seminars I can attend? If you’re reading this and you’re spouse has ADD/ADHD I don’t need to tell you how I feel. You already know.
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