Music and head-phones.  Does it help any if you are the driver? Sleeping pills?  Duct tape for his mouth?

BC your reply made me laugh. I have tried some of these. I used to threaten him with a tranquilizer gun.(Not a real one) Now I tell him to change the channel when I have had enough, It is worse when I drive because he is a typical man and thinks he can do it much better. He jumps around in the seat like I am going to hit everything. I just let him drive because I don’t enjoy it. I could tune him out but it is our first vacation alone in 21 years so I would rather talk to him. I wish I had a reward to offer the person who could give me the solution because he has done it so long it has become habit. I am going to challenge my therapist with it tomorrow and see what she suggests.
Wish me luck!

Let us know what the therapist says.  I suspected it was worse (or just as bad) when you drive.  If the therapist can solve this she’s a genius.  It all comes down to that annoying fact that we just can’t control other people.

And since that fact is also what is behind his reactions to other drivers whose steering wheels, gas pedals, and brakes are not under his control, maybe you could try burning a CD that you could both be forced to listen to each & every time he decides to open his mouth to engage in this futile endeavor. 

The CD would be one long continuous loop of nothing but The Serenity Prayer.

Ironically I’m the ADD person who’s ex husband (NON ADHD) would drive me absolutely insane when he drove. Especially on our regular multi-state trips.  Driving made him nervous, he’d get lost, he’d tailgate behind trucks (which gave me flashbacks of an accident I’d been in). My first cure was to drive myself, and since he was agreeable to this, (I’m non-hyperactive type ADD so I’m not very vocal in the car).  It worked out great. However years later a chronic illness started to keep me from being able to drive.  UGGH!  So???  It was hard, but I learned how to close my eyes and relax.  Earplugs worked AWESOME.  I’d also sit in the back seat with our child and we’d watch movies on the laptop.

Take a bus, train, or plane.  It will be a better vacation for everyone.  Certainly driving from Florida to Wisconsin is no vacation for a truck driver!

Twice a year we drive round trip between our houses in Albuquerque and Maine and a few times a year between Albuquerque and N. Calif. to visit my parents.
My husband does all the driving and to avoid traffic, we usually leave the motel at 3 or 4 am (he is a very early riser), and I and our dig get to sleep in the car. Also, we won’t enter a congested area at the end of a drive and stop on the outskirts of a city to go through the city the next morning at 3 am. So, we end up stopping for the day at 1pm and with the dog, many places have allowed us early check in. This way, we keep traffic problems to a minimum. Without me, he’ll be on the road at 1 or 2 am to avoid traffic.

Good luck!

The solution for me has been to listen to books on tape. If your vehicle is equipped to connect to an MP3 device then you can get a subscription to audible.com where you should be able to find a fascinating and riveting book. if you can’t connect to your stereo then simply use comfortable earphones and let him get lost in the story. You may find that you will need to do some navigating as it is easy to forget where you are on the map. Authors that he may enjoy are Randy Wayne White, James Lee Burke, John Hart, or perhaps he already has some favorite author that he hasn’t read all of the books. Who Knows, a side effect could be that both of you become more well read. I don’t recommend self-help books or trying to learn a language, just stick with mysteries and action. Please drop me a line and let me know if this helps. .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Thanks for all the great ideas! I wish we didn’t have to drive but the fare for the connecting flight to the small airport we have to go to and the cost of renting a car is just too much for two people. Also we want to visit my brother in Indianapolis on the way. I like the books on tape idea. As usual my therapist came to the rescue. Part of the problem is I am not a good conversationalist and he talks non-stop. Because I don’t contribute new ideas he just repeats things out of habit. My doctor said to look up “Table Talk”. These are conversation starters. We need new things to talk about. We have spent 20+ years raising kids and working and haven’t spent time together. Now that we have more time, we enjoy each others company but conversation is still tough. Especially when we can’t pay attention well. There are so many serious things to deal with in this ADD life. I wanted to bring up a topic that had a little humor to it. We all know if we don’t laugh at our situation a little we will really go nuts. Have a great day!

My husband is no fun to drive with either. On shorter trips I try to take things that will keep his mind pleasantly occupied: his favorite music, trivia questions, car games, audio books, whatever. But what I often resort to for lengthy trips is other modes of transportation so that neither of us is driving and he is actually rested after we get back. It’s not always the most economical but we are able to enjoy each other and the travel time.  Hope you have a good trip however you do it. Experiment!

I gave up on trying to change my partner, not out of the goodness of my heart, but because it doesn’t work.  I have no direct control over him once I agree to get in a car with him.  What I can control is myself.  Thinking my situation through, I realized that in spite of all of his yelling, tailgating, and other theatrics, the man has never actually been in an accident.  So whenever I get into a car with him, I refuse to take part in his driving experience, and pretend that whatever I don’t see can’t hurt me.  I use my hyper focus to immerse myself into a book or a hand held game and refuse to come up until after the car is parked.  My ostrich routine has been working for me for over 10 years now- no accidents, I quit jamming my brake foot into the carpet, and we’re still together.