Couples With One ADHD Partner
How to deal with Fatigue?
Especially during holidays but whenever there are social events or group interaction when my ADHD wife and I are both attending, I find myself exhausted! If there is a social with high potential for stress, I can become stressed and tired days before the actual event. Why?
Because I’m thinking through scenarios and contingencies in order to create the least stressful environment. Esp when we are hosting: “Which area to guide people when they arrive? After initial greetings, how to seat people strategically? If my wife sits in the middle she could either command the entire table with monologue, or if she hyper focuses on someone at the end of the table, she’ll be talking over people. OK, I’ll put her at the end and I’ll put myself in between (the martyr’s position) and then put someone who likes to talk to her across. Uh, oh, that person just texted she will arrive late. Whose the next best person to sit across from her? Gotta think of a plan B ¦ After dinner, how to deal with dessert ¦” etc…
When it’s over I need to escape to recharge. Sometimes it takes days to recover.
OK, OK, I can hear you experts saying, “You’re taking on too much responsibility, blah blah blah ¦” I know about all that. And I’ve done better about letting go and allowing stuff to hit the fan. When we are not hosting, but just attending, I let her do whatever she wants, talk to whomever she wants and however she wants.
But when you have kids who get so embarrassed that they escape to their rooms the first chance they get, or you have friends who get irritated or an entire table of people trapped in a stream of consciousness monologue, then you have to think through logistical strategies to bring about a “good enough” outcome. Without a good strategy, I can feel resentful. If the strategy works, I can enjoy the time. However, having to be constantly thinking of what to do while making sure my word choice doesn’t set her off, creates built up stress resulting in me feeling wasted. And, aren’t these socials supposed to be fun?
If you can relate to my situation, here is the question:
What is the most effective thing that you do to help you deal with this kind of fatigue?
1) Pre-social stress that leads to fatigue?
2) Post-social fatigue?
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