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Parents of ADHD Children

I HATE ADHD!!!!!!!


Feeling like a terrible parent.  My son, such a sweet boy but can not follow directions and is so impuslive.  He is on 2 forms of addiral. It helps, but I feel like its not enough or he needs to have it upped.  My husband has finally agreed with his adhd diagniosis but refuses to talk about changing his dose.  Hes always coming home with not good reports.  I know that if I can really tackle some of the issues at home they will follow through.  Also over a year ago he was also diagnossed with hearing loss.  He wears aides.  But I dont know how to manage both to see what he needs.  Thats why I hate ADHD!

Replies

You have a lot to deal with and you need to cut yourself some slack.  Don’t beat up on yourself.  But do mourn.  If you haven’t shed tears, been depressed, screamed into your pillow, cried “why my child” to the universe then you haven’t mourned yet, and you need to.  You have to mourn so that you can release yourself and your child of all the what ifs and could have beens.  So that you can deal with reality.  Because it is not going to get easier, only different.

And you need to get passed hating it, because if you are still hating it then you are not being able to see clearly to deal with it.  Hate is a by product of judgment and judgment has not place in dealing with a disability.  Yes, it is a disability, just like your son’s hearing loss.  I had a really hard time with that. 

The good news is that it is very manageable.  And if you already have your son on meds you are on your way.  If they aren’t working, or working well enough to get him through school and you being able to manage his behavior then you might consider finding another specialist who can give you a second diagnosis.  If you are with a family doctor or pediatrician, consider a psychiatrist, or another specialist in ADHD.  It is a manageable disability but it is also a complicated disability so you need expert support.  You need an expert you can explain all the things that are going on and help you figure out what else to do. 

One of the posters here has been posting links to Dr. Russell Barkley’s lectures on ADHD.  I have found them extremely enlightening and life changing.  Find him on YouTube and take the time to watch.  It will make you feel much more in control if you know exactly what you are dealing with.  ADHD is not only attention, it is executive function (I know, huh?) and you have to make yourself aware of what all is going on inside your child’s brain, because you will spin yourself in circles trying to discipline if it is not warranted.

I wish you the best.  It will be easier on you the more you learn.

Posted by YellaRyan on Dec 06, 2013 at 5:30am

YellaRyan…

That was as compassionate and well written a response and explanation as has ever been put forward here - or anywhere.

I do enjoy your posts - and learn from them.  I am looking forward to the time when I stop screaming into the pillow.. and at the universe .. for what could have been.  You remind me that it’s a process and a process that moves forward.

Best to you.

Posted by LakeLife on Dec 06, 2013 at 10:12am

Yes, I agree a great supportive response!
I would add that my son sees a behavioral therapist as well as taking medication.  They work great together and neither one would work for us on its own. The therapy has made a HUGE difference at home. I was doing many things “almost” right and have been really surprised at how the little tweaks suggested by the therapist make a major difference for my son. Try therapy!

Good luck,

Posted by LizR on Dec 06, 2013 at 9:02pm

Dear Reader

Ref to the Post. Compare your self to an couple who dont have kids. you are lucky in one way. God has blessed you with one. So at least feel happy. Nothing is permenet hear. You you have a strong will power and courage you can change it.

What is different in ADHD unlike orther disabilities is those are visible. This is also visible but you need to have a special glassess to see this. You cant get this anywhere in the world. You is called love. Observe your son closely. you will notice this. once you get the rythem you can play it.

Good luck.

Posted by smhmis@hotmail.com on Dec 08, 2013 at 4:57am

I hate it too!  Moms of ADHD kids have aLOT to deal with.  A good therapist can help.  Breath, read the support blogs and remember loving your kid will get you and your child through this!  Oh, and we have had to change meds several times to find the right one and have adjusted the dose as well.  Hang in there!

Posted by MamaLori on Dec 23, 2013 at 7:22am

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