ADHD at School
I don't know what to do anymore
I have an 11 year old son in 6th grade. He is twice exceptional—gifted and ADHD in all categories. He’s a sweet kid, funny, creative, but becoming defiant about his homework. He’s struggling in middle school, and he doesn’t seem to care now. I had to pull him from his gifted classes because he was struggling with homework and processing speed, and he failed math. Failed a subject that he is intuitively gifted in. The teacher even gave him points so that it would be academically possible for him to (hopefully) pass this year and not have to repeat 6th grade. It is getting harder to tell the points that he is overwhelmed by vs. the areas he just doesn’t even want to try. At school, I’ve found my outgoing, energetic boy is quiet, and tries to “fly under the radar” in class. He started this in 4th grade. It’s easy to overlook him if you don’t know he’s there. His school defense. At home, he has started to be defiant about completing his work and is disrespectful—talking down to me, trying to get an arguement going, almost anything it seems to provoke a response and avoid the dreaded work. I’m trying, I’m really trying, but I’ve gotten into bad routines that make the situation go to halifax as well. I nag at him, I keep reminding him, I lose my patience and yell. Gee, wonder why it doesn’t improve? His dad has ADHD as well, and I’ve given up on asking him to help out most of the time. I want to include him because I hope he’d understand how my son feels and could guide him, but he gets so impatient and often either yells or turns the situation into a power struggle to the point hat everyone just wants to get away. It’s like being a single mom with two young boys and one grown boy. (I hadn’t mentioned my youngest son because he has not been a problem. Guess who gets the least attention in the household? Could it be the kid who can work independently? You know the answer.).
I guess this vent leads me to a few concrete questions buried amongst the fear & self-pity: first, he has a 504 but not an IEP. He has been turned down twice in elementary school for an IEP. Would the accomodations under an IEP help him or lower the bar so he becomes even less motivated?
Second, any suggestions on how to break us both out of the awful habits we’ve fallen into when it comes time for schoolwork? I swear I’d have pulled him from school by now & homeschooled him if I could figure out how to pay our bills. It is so hard to care so deeply and want so badly for someone to succeed and yet see them struggle and push away any offered help. Help?
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