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Depression and ADHD

I'm Lost

I’m 59 years old. I was diagnosed with Dysthymia in 1996 and ADD two years ago. After many years of therapy, different doctors and head shrinkers, and on and off medications that have been changed more times than I can remember I finally found, a number of years ago, a psychiatrist that knows what the hell she’s doing. She listens to what I say and need, and works with me, as opposed to telling me what I need. So I finally found a workable combination of medications for depression. Then the ADD came into the mix and gave me a fourth medication to add to the cocktail. Which has been the keystone to my issues, or so I thought.

The Vyvanse does work amazingly well for me. The problem is the same problem I’ve had all my life, which is that, when I start something - a new job, a relationship, or pretty much anything, really, I do really well. Then ultimately it all starts to fall apart on me. I get either bored, frustrated or disillusioned after a time. I’ve gone through more jobs and people in my life than I care to think about. I am currently out of work, having been fired at the end of March.

Now I’m attempting to wend my way through the “entitlement” system and am getting more and more aggravated with everything. It’s daunting, and I don’t know how people can deal with that crap all the time. With my ADD, trying to get through the half-inch thick stack of papers and forms I received from Social Services made me wonder how, if I’m having a hard time with it - and I consider myself pretty smart - how can some of these people with less capacity to understand these things get through it? Anyway, I didn’t mean to bring my opinion of a broken system in here.

My issue is that I can’t seem to break through that damned wall in order to feel happy, become somewhat successful in the long term and to feel kinda normal. Intellectually I know what to do. Which means I’ll have to actually start doing those things, and as we all know, starting things is not part of the Adults with ADD handbook.

Anyway, thanks for reading. If you have any clue as to what the hell I’m talking about I’d love to hear from you!

Replies

I guess I really need to offer up some more specifics.

I was a car salesman. I was a pretty good car salesman. Honest, courteous, professional and knowledgeable. I had some issues though. One biggie is the fact that, if you bought a car from me and came back in two weeks to pick up your license plates, I would forget you and your name about 60% of the time. In fact, if you had come in today and come back again tomorrow, there’s a good chance that I may have forgotten you already as well.

Then there’s the distractive nature of the beast. I’m sure I don’t need to go into detail for any of you, you know what I mean.  Of course, when I look around my apartment I see the effects - piles of papers, laundry not put away, etc. But i do have a nice bicycle, which I absolutely had to have. And a nice car. Which I absolutely had to have. No money in the bank of course, behind on the rent, etc etc etc.

Now I find that being unemployed isn’t the miracle I had hoped for. In NJ they pay you pretty well for not working, plus they will send you to the school of your choice, for the most part, in order to become educated and trained in something different from what it was you got fired from in the first place. I was looking forward to becoming . . .  something else. Now I need to look for a job.  I’ve come to that part of the corn maze where I’m completely lost, and afraid to move for fear that I’ll become even more lost. The wall. I’d bang my head against it if I thought it would do some good, but I don’t want to shake up my already scrambled brain. Tossed salads and scrambled eggs. I wonder how many people who watched Frasier didn’t get the meaning of the lyrics.

Okay, tangent alert!

Help! Give me ideas, offer me advice, send money. Oops, scratch that last one.  Seriously, any words of wisdom you may have will be so very much appreciated.

Posted by Addnjguy on Apr 30, 2014 at 8:54am

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