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ADHD in Men

I'm just afraid to ask the question.

Simple as that, I am so afraid to find out if I have ADD.

I wanted to write a whole post here why I think I have it. BUT,
I carry so much responsibilities that I’m afraid to find out.
I’m father to a sweet little 9 year old girl that was recently officially diagnosed with ADD and put on medication and I am getting very good results so far from her teachers, and also have a teen age son.
And husband to my wife who was diagnosed with different complicated mental illness after we got married.  Which are very draining. ADD is not her list.

But I can so see my self having almost every symptom on the list. I just can not motivate my self to write more.

I signed up a few hours ago. And finally I’m writing this.


Well, if you think you have it, you probably do. And if your daughter has it, there’s a better than 50-50 chance that at least one of her parents has it. And if you have struggled for most of your life with the same kinds of issues that caused your daughter to be diagnosed, then for most of us, it comes as a sort of relief, to finally know there is a cause. For me it was actually euphoric to make the discovery. The only downside to finding out, is that once you know, then you have a responsibility to deal with it. ADHD is not your fault. But it is your responsibility to deal with it. Good luck. You are on the right forum.

Posted by Tom K on Dec 31, 2013 at 1:09am

I agree with what Tom K said.
I also think that if you see the benefits your daughter has on meds then might as well help yourself as well.. Good luck. Half of the battle is over once you get the right diagnosis ..

Posted by BridgeD87 on Dec 31, 2013 at 1:15am

I know if I have to deal with it I’ll deal with it well. 
I agree with both of you, I thought about this a few times.
The only positive about me struggling all my years in school and flunking trough and through with out help but torture. Is, when my daughters principal and teacher spoke to me about my daughters attention issues in first grade I found a special ed program for her right away.
And even after two years of trying with out meds, they came to me and asked me to find someone to diagnose her because she is struggling even with 5 children in her class.  And she is such a well behaved and kind child.

So I found a doctor and he did a test on her and from everything I told him. He asked me to try vyvanse. After 2 weeks I spoke to her teachers and they thanked me so much for getting her the meds. They think she is responding so well on the first try. And I know I’m lucky for that as well.

I’m taking topomax for migraine prevention. I spoke to my Nuro doc and told her I fell so forgetful at times and often forget what I want to say. She tells me it is one of the side effects from the topomax.
But I feel so much that it is not only from that.
I don’t think I come off as dumb to a lot of people or at work. I think I make pretty intelligent comments and raise my children well. But I’m thinking now, Why can’t I remember a thing I learned in school? I read a book and enjoy it. But I do not remember stories or what it is I read.
I start reading articles which take me a lot to concentrate and get very fast distracted or just stop in middle I guess it gets to straining.
I can go on & on.

Posted by caringman on Dec 31, 2013 at 1:42am

If I drive long distance, I can not have the radio/cd playing I need to focus on the road. Even someone munching on pretzels in the back of the car gets me nervous.

I’m a very clean person, shower everyday. But I have a very hard time being organized. I have bills papers allover.( I do pay them). I save a lot of papers. have a hard time trowing out old clothing or things I won;t need. all the pockets are full.

Posted by caringman on Dec 31, 2013 at 1:49am

caringman, we can all identify with your symptoms, to some extent or another. From the things you have written, if seems quite obvious that you have ADHD. Please keep in mind, that even when you get yourself diagnosed, and you find the appropriate dosage of the appropriate medication, that you still will have ADHD, unfortunately. The meds will help you deal with the symptoms and hopefully make your life more manageable, but you will still have ADHD. There’s no cure. But there is good and useful treatment.

Posted by Tom K on Dec 31, 2013 at 2:04am

Tom K, thanks for responding.
I am aware that medication for mental illness doesn’t heal/cure but treat and help cope. And I am also aware that medication can also be a struggle. I am very aware of that.
I’m think of maybe finding a doctor and not telling anyone about it. Maybe, maybe, my therapist I go to , to talk about my family issues since my wife has Bipolar and ocd. My wife won’t help me it will only make my life harder if she knows.
My son is 13, and I can tell that he sees that i’m not smart enough for him. I can not help him with school stuff etc..

Posted by caringman on Dec 31, 2013 at 2:14am

There is no correlation between ADHD and how “smart” you are. Most of the leaders in this field, in education, medicine, and research are Ph.D’s, M.D’s who also have ADHD. Your perception of your self and your self-worth are usually formed very early in life. You may have struggled in school, not because you weren’t smart, but because of ADHD. If your son thinks you are not smart, it may be because you have conveyed to him somehow, indirectly, that you are not smart. It’s time to see yourself in a whole new light.

Posted by Tom K on Dec 31, 2013 at 2:54am

Well, I feel his frustration when he wants me to b part of what he is learning an help him study. Honestly I have such a hard time concentrating even if i would read it on NY own before I sot down with him. He is a very good student and gets very good grades. I think it is more about him wanting to be like everyone else. When children tell him they study with their father’s. I know he is young and has no understanding that some people don’t have what he as that they get it right away. He can tell me in a nice way. Why don’t you just read it.

Posted by caringman on Dec 31, 2013 at 5:36am

When you are dealing with ADHD, one of the most important components is having someone to support you, to encourage you, a cheerleader. Trying to deal with it in an atmosphere where you are going to try and keep it a secret from the most important people in your life will be very very difficult. I hope you like and trust your therapist and will trust his direction and his advice. Good luck. And check in often.

Posted by Tom K on Dec 31, 2013 at 8:29am

Thanks for your support.

Posted by caringman on Dec 31, 2013 at 8:33am

I’d like to give you short update please.
First, after haveing very very strong thoughts about it if you know what I mean. I finally stepped in to my therapy appointment this morning which i go to for other famiky issues (my wife is severly menatly ill) and i spoke about myself for a change . I told my theraphist how I feel about having or being add. I couldn’t believe I said it. From what I read and what I see now that my daughter has it. We spoke about it for a while, and about the approach on getting treatment.
My question to you guys is.
I know the doctor will have to diagnose me. But I have so many doubts. I heard a few videos about adults with add and it makes me wonder if I’m really worse. Example: technically I don’t remember a single thing I learned in school. If I read a book I enjoy reading it. But I can not remember most of what I read. I have such a hard time with telling my children or wife much about my child hood. I do remember some good things and plenty of painful times I had growing up because of not knowing a thing in school.
I faked my way through my teen age years. Now I’m almost forty. I dont think People think I’m dumb. But honestly I know zilch. Is this add?
I flunked an EMT course. I knew what I was doing probably better then most in my class but faild the exam.
My question is, I see others saying they passed college. Some are doctors. So I’m getting doubdt full. Please claify this for me.
Thanks a mil.

Posted by caringman on Jan 02, 2014 at 1:52am

If you can, try to get a full neuropsychological evaluation. You may have ADD; but you may have instead (or also) a learning disability related to reading, or an auditory processing disorder (where you don’t process what you hear very well). You can get an evaluation of your executive functioning. (You can look this up on line - there are a number of executive functions that, when they are not working well can look like ADD). One of the executive functions that often doesn’t work well with people with ADD is “working memory”.  Dysfunction there means you can’t remember a phone number between the time you look it up and try to dial it, or you hear and understand the teacher, but forget what was said before you can put the thought into permanent memory - it’s like you have a document - it’s in the “in-box” but you lose it before you put it in the file. For these learning disabilities and executive function problems there are very specific tools and gadgets and techniques that can be used to compensate once you know what the problem is. This is partly why people say medications don’t fix everything. It helps to know exactly what is happening with you, so a full evaluation (not just a screening for ADD so you can get medication) will really help if you can get one.

Posted by Juggler on Jan 02, 2014 at 11:39pm

wow, you are really giving me what to think about.

I was in touch with my daughter’s neurologist and he is willing to see me. I need to set up an appointment.  He also dose the quotient adhd test. If you never heard of it please Google it.
I will mention to him what you mentioned. You actually described me pretty well. I just thought it is all caused by ADD.
Thanks again

Posted by caringman on Jan 02, 2014 at 11:52pm

The good news is, I’m going forward. I have a little mixed feelings but I believe ill be fine.
I have an appointment next week with the Doctor.

the DR. is an
MD board certified in Neurology with special qualifications in child neurology by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology (ABPN).

He is also board certified in Clinical Neurophysiology.

Posted by caringman on Jan 03, 2014 at 12:59am

Hey caringman, I applaud your proactive approach to your concerns. You have stepped into an area that I know nothing about, but I can assure you that you are going to see that best possible guy with your daughter’s neurologist. Many doctors, including many psychiatrists who have been practicing a long time, have old, outdated, erroneous opinions about ADHD. Neurologists that specialize in children have the most up-to-date knowledge and views on the topic. And, I agree with Juggler. Get as much evaluation as you can get. Be bold and don’t be afraid to ask as many questions as possible. You don’t get many chances to spend time with such an expert. Don’t walk out of his office thinking “I should have asked this or that”. Getting an accurate diagnosis can definitely be a scary thing, but, going forward, it’s much better to fight the enemy when you can see it and understand it. Good luck. Keep checking in.

Posted by Tom K on Jan 03, 2014 at 1:20am

Thanks for your kinds and supportiive words.

As they say, it is what you “don’t” know that can hurt you.

Posted by caringman on Jan 03, 2014 at 2:14am

That’s great news - that you have a good doctor to check you out.  I did look up the quotient test - I think that is what I went through, while my child got the full work - up.  In hindsight, I should have gotten that for me, but I didn’t know what it was.

Posted by Juggler on Jan 04, 2014 at 10:36am

Insurance will not pay for the test only for the visit. But I will ask them for it anyway. I’d rather go through everything at once then have more doubt in my head.

Posted by caringman on Jan 05, 2014 at 5:22am

I never remember to check this site and just happened to see the alert for this post.

1. - The day I got the official diagnosis was one of the best days of my life.  The day I understood the diagnosis was even better.  That was after watching the CBC documentary “ADD and Loving It?” and in the middle of reading “Driven to Distraction”.  I felt relieved.

My wife has it, and our son has been provisionally diagnosed.  My mother (who is in denial that SHE has it) is fighting me over having our son tested, because she doesn’t want him growing up thinking that something’s “wrong” with him.

I told her that, as he gets older, he’s going to think something’s “wrong” with him ANYWAY.  Without a diagnosis, YOU’RE the problem.  With a diagnosis, you identify the real problem and can address it.

Would you rather BE a disorder or HAVE a disorder?

2. - I’m trying to get into a cognitive behavioral therapy program now, and they request a full neuro-psych test for entry.  My own psychiatrist (who’s the best I’ve ever had) has warned me that neuro-psych testing is unusual just to determine an ADHD diagnosis (and possibly overkill), and is extremely expensive: so insurance is also extremely unlikely to pay for it.

It’s an all-day test that results in something like a 40-page report; very labor-intensive.

I’m currently trying to find out from this hospital program why it’s necessary (and IF it’s necessary).  I don’t really have the $K for it.  If I can stop forgetting to call ...

Posted by ADDad on Jan 05, 2014 at 11:29pm

Its official.  I offically Joined the club.  I was by the Doctor tofay. Now what ;(

Posted by caringman on Jan 06, 2014 at 4:07am

I am glad I finally was diagnosed with mild ADHD/ OCD combined I I just wish I had found out earlier in life I am 55 and divorced
I believe because of me not being able to focus on my job and my relationships with my family and friends I did not like people in general because I thought knowone knew how I thought and some of the crazy ideas that went on in my head nothing bad just could see a short cut to almost everything I did and could not explain why but thought everyone should see it was easy. I have trouble staying focused on projects and it easy not to finish it and do something else and and sometimes go back to the other project and try to complete it with to much detail and ends up being a bigger job than I started. As I believe I have said I live by myself and like it that way I don’t like to ask for help because it makes me feel that I have to stop and explain what I am doing and how and it wold interupt me from getting it done.

Posted by Lurch on Feb 12, 2014 at 10:12am


I am no authority on ADD / ADHD, but as your supporters have mentioned (If you have some of the identified symptoms) you may need to accept the condition.

For me I am a 55 unemployed, Epileptic that does not know if I have ADD. However I have people in my life that cares and depend on me.

My wife works as hard as she can to keep us afloat while I attend school. It is a real struggle to learn and get organized.

From what I have read above it sounds like a great deal of support is there for you. ADD / ADHD like Epilepsy has no cure, don’t live in fear. Epilepsy is part of my life. It is not my life.

Posted by DanT on Mar 12, 2014 at 8:23pm

Firstly please allow me to tell of my own discoveries. ADD/ADHD is not the end of the world nor the edge of a cliff. Don’t even concern yourself with ‘what if’s’. I always wondered why I was so different from everyone else. Now I know why; it has a label. So?
I always recommend that you try treatments which don’t involve experimental drugs (they all are; they can’t even test them on animals now), and lean more toward natural and/or homeopathic remedies. BTW, hemp seed and hemp oil are very therapeutic. If you reside in a place where Marijuana is legal, try some medical cookies, brownies, etc.
Mostly realize that there are many of us and we are not the ones who are odd, the people who don’t have this empathy are. Good luck and God bless you.

Posted by Hey, look. A squirrel! on Mar 25, 2014 at 6:53pm

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