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In tears and at whits end


Just found this group this morning.  My 8 1/2 yr old was diagnosed last January with OCD and Sept with ADHD.  She is Lexapro and Quanfacine (sp).  She has rituals and behaviors that are not normal besides the sudden outbursts and anger that goes with it, sometime last an hour a more 2 or 3 times a day.  It is a struggle for both my husband and I and our 5yr old daughter.  My husband is completely frustrated which doesn’t help.  He doesn’t understand ADHD at all and feels like she is being a brat and not appreciative of what she has.  I try to explain that she can’t help it and that it will get better.  Now I am getting very discouraged and wonder everything if it will be a good night usually something goes wrong and then it goes down hill fast.  My husband feels we spend all our attention on her and not the 5yr old.  It is hard not to compare them.  Is there hope?  We have been working on this for over a year and the ADHD soedn’t seem to be getting better at home.  At school she is the sweetest kid there and everyone loves her.

Replies

Have you considered talking to her doctor (whomever prescribes her meds) about a booster at home?  Basically, a smaller dose of medication to get her through the few hours before bedtime? 

One of my close friends has a teenage son that takes his booster when he gets home so he can focus and do his homework.  My son isn’t at an age that we need this yet, but I was happy to learn about it just in case we do need it in the future.

It sounds like the meds work for her during the day, maybe a booster will help - - or, she may be trying so hard throughout the day that she has to let it all out at night and your home is a safe place to do that.

I would certainly consult the doctor and ask for alternatives.

Best of luck!

Posted by DP0706 on Jan 17, 2014 at 6:22pm

Thank you, we do have her take a Quanfacine in the evening.  Wondering if there is a supplement that we could try to.  Seeing Pediatrician today.

Posted by geekyjeneeky on Jan 17, 2014 at 6:29pm

We had some similar issues this past summer. 
Parents disagreeing
son’s behavior was at times out of control
I felt that we would never be able to commit to a dinner out or evening with another family in the event an outburst occurred
Worries about the impact on our child without ADHD

We’ve spent a huge amount of time educating ourselves for the past 7 months, and putting into effect strategies for diffusing escalating behavior, rewarding good behavior, family therapy to make sure we are being guided by a professional with experience, the use of this website to remember you aren’t alone….all contributing to being in a much..MUCH, better spot today.  Last summer was the only time in my parenting experience that I really felt unsure what I could/should expect from my child- it seemed very scary to contemplate what would happen in the future if things continued that way - but again, educating ourselves was key - still working on it, but improvement can occur quickly once you decide what to tackle first.

Posted by momtodom on Jan 17, 2014 at 7:24pm

I suggest having your husband sit down and watch some of these: http://chestergoad.com/simulations/adhd-simulations/

Posted by cre8nkos on Jan 17, 2014 at 7:54pm

Becoming educated about ADHD is vital for you and your husband.  There are many resources available through CHADD and the ADDitude magazine website, as well as books and videos from experts like Russell Barkley, Edward Hallowell and many others.  Does your daughter/ family see a therapist?  The most effective approach includes medication and counseling/therapy.  Parenting child with ADHD and other invisible disabilities is very different than parenting a neurotypical child.  Just know that you are not alone.

Posted by krtsinohio on Jan 17, 2014 at 8:09pm

Hi,

I agree with the education aspect of it all.  this is a great place to start.  With that said—not all professionals are created equally.  We are on our third group of drs.  Misdiagnosis and over medication are rampant in an effort to just make it all go away.  It’s been five years for us, and after a TERRIBLE TERRIBLE experience we were so lost and (praise God) ended up with a dr. who did a GENOME metabolism saliva test for our son. This tests all the medicines for add/ocd whichever the dr. requests.  then they are placed in three categories: works, use caution, avoid.  He had been on the wrong medicine for him.  did you go through the try this medicine routine? not working? ok, less it and add this on.  not sleeping? too sleepy? Ok, let’s do this cocktail with 4-5 meds already.  He is on ONE small dose per day.  Only needs adjusting as he grows/changes etc. I STRONGLY URGE YOU TO DO THIS.  It could change your lives.  it was $30 too. results came in two weeks to her office and she went over them.  I don’t know much else about the test, but The Tarnow Center in Houston, Tx. has great information and would be able to tell you.  Good luck.  Keep the Faith smile Laura

Posted by lksl1231 on Jan 18, 2014 at 2:48am

Check out “the explosive child” by dr. Ross Greene. It has/is helping us immensely with our ADHD and ODD child. It’s not overnight magic, but it does give actual tools to help deal with these problems. It also helps with understanding where these children are coming from. Helpful and hopeful.

We’re also constantly gleaning from different parenting philosophies. The most recent is Parenting with Love and Logic. Of course, always tailor it to your family.  I like that it helps kids be more responsible and takes some of the tension out, so you’re not always going head to head on things. Other good things as well. 

I agree to talk to her doctor about meds. Sounds like a bad rebound after school?  We are trying to figure the same thing out now. Wish it were easier! 

Best luck to you.

Posted by Stephanne on Jan 20, 2014 at 6:03am

I second the recommendation to read The Explosive Child. You can visit his accompanying website at http://Livesinthebalance.org. Dr. Greene also did a webinar on ADDitudeMag.com on ODD and ADHD: Parenting Defiant Children. You can listen to the archive here: http://www.additudemag.com/RCLP/sub/10272.html.

Hang in there!
Penny
ADDconnect Moderator & Mom to Tween Boy with ADHD and LDs

Posted by adhdmomma on Jan 20, 2014 at 2:24pm

Yes there is hope. Our hope comes from knowing that because of her condition (ODD, ADHD, Impulsivity) our 8 year old daughter tries harder each minute of every day just to understand, fit-in with, and enjoy this world and the expectations and requirements of the people in it (no child wakes up in the morning wanting to make others miserable, right?).That,combined with knowing that as a couple aligned toward the same goal - to prepare her for a safe and independent life - we are doing everything we can, are willing to change our styles and tactics however difficult, and will never stop looking for better solutions. In that, there is hope.

Posted by Chas on Jan 23, 2014 at 6:41am

Coming down from the pulpit a bit, we have had good luck with guanfacine 3 times a day combined with abilify and sertraline in the morning. This has really helped our daughter improve her listening, reasoning and coping skills. now we are dealing with trying to reduce the frequency and intensity of violent outbursts at school. To one of your points, we have seen many spouses - typically husbands, of which I am one - gain a huge dose of reality in group therapy sessions.  We Dads have to get over trying to minimalize the seriousness of the issues. Dont let us fool ourselves, or you. Talking with other parents really helps.

Posted by Chas on Jan 23, 2014 at 7:02am

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