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Is it his disorder or bad behavior? I can't tell

My 8 year old son (dx adhd,sensory integration, anxiety, and asgergers) was sent to the principal again today.  He is on meds too.  His behavior today was not control his body movement and fell off his chair and hit a kid.  He is not controlling his behavior, making odd sounds, throwing things, making bad choices, no care for safety, etc.  In the past he has been remorseful but now he is just smiling and laughing.  But could the smiling and laughing be a coping mechanism?  Most days he does not pull himself together but today after the office he did calm down and is doing well at school.  Does that show it is bad behavior or did somehow he regulate himself?  I am at a loss.  Next will be ISS if he doesn’t start doing better.  And they are holding recess from him.  Good or bad???  Why does parenting have to be so hard…

Replies

Witholding recess is never a good thing for ADHD boys.  At our school for misbehavior at recess they are required to walk the perimeter of the playground, instead of playing.  I like that alternative, as the kids do not like it. 

It is hard to extrapolate one event at the office, but as a parent, whenever I see one good thing, I want to think that this is the start of a new trend.  I have to remind myself that we are not aiming for perfection, just improvement. 

As far as laughing and smiling, he could still feel bad, but is starting a new way of coping and wants to see what kind of reaction he will get.  If you lose your cool it could be extra stimulating for him.  If he’s seeking attention from you and he may be getting it by laughing and smiling, instead of being remorseful.  These kids so desperately want to behave and do well, it’s important to praise every single good thing!

Posted by elark on Nov 16, 2013 at 1:14am

I agree on the recess..they pulled mine over and over gain..bad move! My ETL would do so much better if he were made to run laps instead. Explain to them that this is not a good strategy.

Posted by AJGO on Nov 16, 2013 at 1:45am

If he has aspergers why isn’t you school accommodating?  They certainly should. You have a lot to grapple with and so does he but punative actions are only going to make things worse. He can’t control himself so how is punishment fair?

Posted by YellaRyan on Nov 16, 2013 at 11:00am

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