Couples With One ADHD Partner
Is there hope?
Although he has never been diagnosed, it’s extremely obvious that my husband has ADHD. Our son has it and we all know that there is a hereditary component to it.
We have been married 13 years, together 15. He’s had 16 different jobs since we’ve been married. He has been fired at least 4 times and 3 times he’s left a job with no other prospects. One of those times, he just stopped going and sank into depression - he was officially diagnosed with general social anxiety disorder. He has taken depression meds off and on since then, but has remained on them for the past several years.
When I met him, he was general manager of a fine dining restaurant. He is now working part-time at Macy’s as a clerk and he is studying to sell Aflac. The Aflac thing was sort of a “because there’s nothing else” kind of job. He was excited at first, but has gotten to a difficult point and I am not hopeful. He was sort of hoping that Macy’s would turn into something, but of course this being the holidays it’s been hard work and the luster has definitely worn off.
He’s been “sick” for the past few days so he hasn’t worked at Macy’s, on top of being the first one to volunteer to go home if there’s too many people. Since he’s been “sick” he has spent most of his time in bed…which is how things started when he stopped going to that other job before being diagnosed with anxiety.
I am at my wit’s end. I have had 2 jobs the time we’ve been married, one I held for 12 years (since before we were together) and my current job that I’ve had for 8. If it weren’t for me, we’d be in a homeless shelter. Unfortunately, I don’t make enough that we can comfortably live and we certainly aren’t putting anything away for retirement.
DH is 14 years older than me and 2 financial planners have told me that he’ll be fine b/c I’ll be working when he retires, but I’m basically screwed since I cannot afford to put anything away. I’m becoming majorly resentful. On top of being the bread winner, I’m the one who manages our son’s homework, meds, doctor appointments you name it. When DH has to (if I have to go out of town, etc.) everything slides.
I’m fearful that my son is learning this is all acceptable. I’m fearful we’ll end up losing our house (which we had to put back together after Katrina). And my heart is breaking that DH cannot see what his behavior is doing to us.
If I divorce him, we’ll lose the home regardless. It kills me that he’ll get half of any proceeds thanks to our state’s laws (even though the house is in my name). What’s worse is that a divorce coupled with losing our house will destroy my son. He’s having the first good school year he’s had in years. I dread the thought losing all his progress.
Is there any hope?
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