Couples With One ADHD Partner
Issues with trusting ADD husband
I have read many posts on this site over the past several months but have never before posted anything. I am at a loss about how to handle my major trust issues with my spouse. We have been married for 15 years and he was diagnosed with ADD about 8 years ago. He has all the typical characteristics that are well documented in this forum, but recently he took his impulsivity to another level. About a month ago he began texting and emailing someone he used to work with. She was moving to another state and he asked for her phone number. I found out about it about 2 weeks into it. He said they were “just friends.” As time went on, I uncovered more information about the nature of his relationship with her. The texts and emails were sexual in nature and my husband admitted to initiating the sex talk with her. He said it was all a joke and she’s how many states away so what harm could it do? I am far savvier with a computer than he is and was able to recover deleted emails. He continued to correspond with her even after he said he stopped. He is no longer able to access the computer and no longer has his cell phone. He has admitted to enjoying the thrill of his interaction with her and has denied that anything will even happen again. As I confronted him with each new piece of information, he lied and tried to cover up as much as he could. As his lies were exposed, he slowly admitted to different things (i.e. that the texts/emails were in fact sexual, that he did feel some attraction, etc.). He has said that there was no physical relationship and that from his perspective, they were joking around and it went too far. As far as I know he has never done anything like this before. Am I naïve to believe that he won’t do it again? I am in immense pain over this and feel like my heart is broken beyond repair. I have lost 20 pounds in 3 weeks, have barely slept and feel like I have been neglecting our children and my job. I can’t figure out if I should trust him again or move on before he escalates? He is highly impulsive and I worry that if another opportunity presents itself that he will take it. I have no one to talk to about this and am hoping that others who have had some experience in this area can help me see the forest for the trees. I am so hurt and overwhelmed that I cannot figure out if I am foolish for wanting to trust him. I love him deeply and I don’t want a divorce. I also don’t want to live my life in a hypervigilant, paranoid state always wondering what he’s actually doing. It was very therapeutic just to type this because I have been holding in my pain around everyone else.
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