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Couples With One ADHD Partner

It happened again!, Help!

it happened once again, I lost another job.  also alienating friends once again.  what am I to do? is there anyone who can help me? I am living a miserable life my marriage is suffering as a consequence!
where can I find employment where I interacted with others for minimum amounts of time? and where my shortcomings don’t cut my throat?are their careers for me that fit my requirements/dreams?
I am a male who suffers with these issues:
Problem solving:
dissecting complex arguments, making quick and accurate estimations, calculate figures in my head, figuring percentages in my head, and determining the best course of action.
communicating clearly, and thinking outside the box, avoiding errors, multitasking quickly and efficiently.
decision-making in time sensitive situation, having slow cognitive processes, adapting to changing environments, reacting quickly.
maintaining focus on important task all day, improving productivity and precision at home and work, concentrating well learning something new, avoiding distractions.

remembering the location of objects and items, remembering names after the first introduction, learning new subjects quickly and accurately, he track of several ideas at the same time.


Try IT, software or database support.

Posted by JaclynADHDmom on May 19, 2013 at 2:04pm

What about seeing a doctor who specializes in ADHD?  Medication and/or therapy may help improve some of these issues.

Posted by Abner on May 19, 2013 at 3:15pm

My husband works for the pipeline.  Everyone says he does wonderful. He has ADHD. Although I agree that many people have benefited in there marriage with therapy and /or medication.  Wish my husband would try!

Posted by Confusedfilly on May 20, 2013 at 12:19am

My husband drives for a transportation company, limos, town cars, buses. Individuals, groups, sometimes short runs, sometimes long. It is the same enough that he can master the tasks, different enough so that he doesn’t get bored and consequently defiant. And his interactions with coworkers are necessarily brief and to the point, with clients superficial and congenial so not muc opportunity to out his foot in his mouth.

Seems to be working out well, serves his need to accomplish tasks - long term projects killer for ADD brains, and for variety. Maybe something like this?

Posted by YellaRyan on May 20, 2013 at 9:51am

Meds if you aren’t taking any.  New meds if you already are taking some that aren’t working.

I’d get a job that’s hard to be fired from.  Government job fits that bill though they are really hard to get in this economy.  Don’t know how easy it is to be fired from a unionized job.

Driving job sounds great but make sure you can pay attention enough on the road.  Adhers are 4 times more likely to get in an accident cause they can’t pay attention.

Security guard.

Posted by heehee62 on May 21, 2013 at 3:28am
Posted by heehee62 on May 21, 2013 at 3:30am

Hey Flywelder ...

First of all, what’s a Flywelder?  Does it have anything to do with actual welding?  (Welding is my secret passion.)

Regarding the symptoms that you have, I have to be blunt.  Get used to them.  Sorry, but that’s the truth.  They are yours, and that is you, and you may as well resign yourself to it.  You can learn methods to make life easier, and you can investigate medications that will surely help with that, but the fact is, you are what you are and you may as well be proud of it. 

I was diagnosed ADHD at the age of 70.  So, I spent many, many years trying to find out why I was the way I was.  Finally, in ADHD, I found the answers.  But, for the longest time, I lived with the same issues that you have.  I worked from the age of 14 to the age of 62 and only ever had one job that lasted for more than three years.  That one was the last one I had and it lasted five years. Do the math. I was thinking of becoming a Job Search Trainer because I spent so much time doing it.

I think that the “survival” with ADHD begins when you accept the issues that you have as part of you.  That’s the way you are.  You can’t change them any more than you can change the color of your eyes.  Just like eye color, you can cover up those issues, or, in case of living, you can adopt methods and tricks to get around the issues, but you still are you and your eyes are blue and that is true, Emmy Lou. 

I believe that the second step is to invest every minute that you have available to you in studying about ADHD.  Get to understand what it is, how it works, what other people have done with it (and, what other people have failed to do with it).  If you don’t know what you are reading about, you might actually believe the most outrageous garbage.  So, you really need to know good, accurate, authentic information from real experts.  Consider this an investment in yourself.  At the same time, with knowledge comes strength.  You will be much better able to deal with a person who responds to you by saying, “Crapola!  There is no such thing as ADHD.  You are just lazy and you have no will power.  What you really need is a good kick in the pants.” 

Then, when you are able to carry on a knowledgeable conversation about the things that bother you and the potential causes for those things, seek out experienced professional help.  Help can come in the form of therapy, medications, more study, participation in groups, intentionally developing habits and eliminating others and in inventing methods to compensate for the things about you that you don’t like.  Notice that there are seven types of things that you can do, and medications are only one of them.  If for some reason you do not have access to the prescription of medications, there are still six other types of things that you can do.  So ... why wait?  Get going, like, now.  You know?

In the meantime, just believe that you are OK.  There is nothing wrong with you.  You are the way you are. You are different?  Yes.  You are sick?  No.  Have an illness?  No.  Can be cured of something?  No, because there is nothing to cure. Will I ever recover?  No, because there is nothing from which to recover. Can you recover from not wanting to play the trombone?  One thing that we don’t often talk about enough is what is GOOD about being ADHD.  Among many other things, generally we are pretty smart and very creative.  That’s good because we can draw on our intelligence and creativity to create ways to compensate for the issues where we are lacking.  I have decided that I will be open and honest about my ADHD and everyone I know hears me talk about it.

A final thought ... Have you ever asked a person “How are you?” only to have him/her tell you “I feel like crap. And, it’s going to get worse before it get’s any better!”  Kind of puts a damper on the conversation, doesn’t it?  How can you expect that person to share in your good news?  You can’t.  Nobody likes that kind of person, except maybe a person who feels even worse.  So ... don’t be that person.  Even if you don’t believe it, when someone asks you “How are you?”, respond by saying “Im Fantastic! In fact, I am boarding on Incredible!”  Then you can see how long it takes before that kind of attitude rubs off on the people around you and, with their help, even your own issues seem to be easier to deal with. Couple that with good therapy, the proper medications, learning from good resources and some determination and your life will be off in an entirely new, and very happy, direction.  Trust me on that.


Posted by Washbush on Jun 18, 2013 at 8:16pm

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