New Issue!

Spring 2017 Issue ADDitude magazine Read the 'ADHD Therapies That Work' issue now!

The New ADDitude Forums Are Live!

Reach our full community by posting to ADDitude's discussion forums here

ADHD Adults

Just wondering about a few things...

I’ve been reading through several threads recently, and Flylady has been brought up a few times.  I tried it once, well, over and over and over and over again, but I just couldn’t get the hang of it.  Everyone I know who has tried it, just raves about it!  I remember the mornings: “dress to shoes” and “shine your sink.”  First, I don’t wear shoes in my house, and second, I have a kind of metal in my sink that makes it look dingy no matter what.

I know I take things way too literally, I don’t know why.  Don’t try using metaphors with me.  I once caused an almost 20 minute discussion in group therapy over the metaphor “I would give the shirt off my back…” I gave all these reasons about why I, myself, need my shirt more than whichever other person needs a shirt.  I went on and on, and I never did quite understand what all that meant. I just picture people walking around shirtless, like WTF!?!

Anyway, for those of you who use Flylady now, has it changed at all?  I was using it about 10 years ago, at least.

Another thing that makes it really hard to follow Flylady or any kind of structured routine, is that I LOATHE structure and routine.  I get bored VERY easily, and if I do the same thing day in and day out, I’d probably lose my mind, and my anxiety would go through the roof.  Not to mention, I may PLAN to do something (example: I wanted to wash a load of laundry, but I needed the laundry basket to take the dirty clothes down to the basement, said laundry basket was filled with bathroom supplies from when the repairman had to work with the drain under the sink and it was a real mess and needed to be cleaned, so I started cleaning the cabinet and supplies and putting them away, I can’t even remember what I did next…) but it just doesn’t happen.  I’ll start out to do something, and after an hour, I’ll have been jumping from here to here to here to there to there, all over the place and can’t ever seem to finish what it was that I originally set out to do.

I’ve read that people with ADHD have a brain-wiring problem involving motivation and reward.  So, according to that, FIRST I have to get motivated, then I have to reward myself, whether with an actual reward or just the sense of accomplishment for a job well done (or at least done!)  Problem is, when I finish a job, I beat myself up about it.  I think things like, “See, that wasn’t so hard was it?” “That didn’t take that long!!” “Why didn’t you do this before; it didn’t take a monumental amount of energy to do.”  Basically, I feel no reward from completing what ever the job is, whereas, I’m assuming, neurotypicals, and probably some ADHDers, feel a sense of accomplishment at finishing a job, but 95% of the time I do not.  I just belittle myself for procrastinating for so long on something that was so easy.  And even LEARNING from that experience, over and over and over and over again, I still do the same thing.  I procrastinate, eventually finish the job, and beat myself up afterwards.  Even with such a routine job like cleaning the litterboxes.  WTF?!?!?!

I also have Schizoaffective Disorder-Bipolar Type and Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but I started a medication I’ve been on almost a year now, called Zyprexa.  It has been a miracle drug for me!  I used to not think AT ALL.  People would say, “Whatcha thinkin’ bout?” My response, “Nothing.”  They look at me like “seriously, you HAVE to be thinking about something.”  And I’m just like Nope!  Then those very same people would be jealous because they could never turn their thoughts off.  I spoke to my psychiatrist about it, because it felt really weird, but he said, in his Indian accent, “No, you human, humans think,” and started rambling about a robot #5 that got struck by lightning and started having human-like qualities.  Found out later the movie was Short Circuit.

Anyway, so this thinking comes back, and it’s really noticeable and I was having a hard time dealing with it.  Then, I started to get really social.  Calling people up, making plans to get together, etc.  Normally, I’d be in my apartment for 2 weeks, unshowered, wouldn’t answer the door if someone knocked (I’d hide and pretend I wasn’t home).  That’s when I realized, actually, that I was still getting better, because someone did unexpectedly knock on my door one night, and I was dressed and showered and my apartment was presentable enough that I was able to open the door!  I was VERY proud of myself.

The third thing the Zyprexa has given me is motivation.  I’ve been lacking in motivation for so long, it’s hard to even remember a time when I had it.  At the suggestion of an occupational therapist, I made a weekly “chore list” of sorts, and made each day a specific chore for each week.  Like Mondays were laundry, Tuesdays and Fridays were litterboxes and sweeping the house, Wednesdays were straightening up and organizing, and Thursdays were dishes.  I left the weekends free.  Well, I actually tried this little trick and it worked!!!!  Even better, I noticed that I was doing more than the one chore I had assigned myself to do, and I wasn’t even aware of me doing all these little chores until I would sit down at my computer, look around, and think, “Damn, I just did a lot of work in here!”  Something that used to take monumental amounts of energy can now be done with ease.  I even went out with friends for 5 hours and wasn’t exhausted at all afterwards.  Before this medication, any social gathering would leave me exhausted and drained afterwards.

Okay, enough rambling.  My main point of this post is to ask you ADHDers what Flylady has going on now.  Just something brief so I can get the gist of it, instead of trying to navigate the site and getting all flustered and confused.

I’ve also noticed “Driven to Distraction” recommended a LOT for people to read.  I’m going to go order it on right now.  My favorite ADHD book is by Dr. Thomas E. Brown called “The Unfocused Mind in Children and Adults.”  I absolutely loved it.  I bought the new version but haven’t had time to get into it yet, because I’m in the middle of about 6 other books, 3 magazines, and who knows what else…lol

Thanks for listening!


I am so glad you asked this question.  I was wondering the same thing about  Can’t wait to hear responses.  Thanks!

I am also reading “You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy” by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramoundo.  I love it and can so relate to this book.  If you are married I also highly recommend this book “The ADHD Effect Marriage” by Melissa Orlov.  I loved this book!!!

Posted by hawaii92 on Jan 13, 2014 at 4:57am

Join the New ADDitude Forums

ADDConnect is shutting down on July 31.
To continue sharing and receiving support from the ADDitude community, visit our new discussion forums.

Search the ADDConnect Group Discussions