What is the goal of the response?

Is it to add to or subtract from what the other person is saying?

Practice listening to long statements and extracting out the things that are key to you.  Focus on listening to what is being said rather than preparing a mental response to what is said. 

The challenge is holding on to the thought without losing the value of the message.  As soon as our attention dedicated to responding our ability to listen diminishes.

I used to have the same problem, but I soon realized that interrupting someone to make a point is kind of rude.  I don’t interrupt anymore.  If I forget what I was going to say, oh well, it’s better than being perceived as a rude person.  You can always call or text that person later to let her know your point of view.

Coachwithheart has a point.  If we start to focus on our response while the person is talking, then we are not listening attentively and possibly missing out on the message they are trying to make.

Never, ever,  pass up the opportunity to keep your yap shut.  Rule 1 for add’ers , in my book.

If you think your idea worthy of notice continue to listen intently and yes, to write down your ideas.  This way, you don’t have to waste intellectual horse power stressing over remembering what you wish to add to the conversion.

Instead, you can focus on what others are saying and how your idea may (or may not) add to other’s needs.

Best to you.

First of all, I’d be sure to take my meds before any kind of social event (this is necessary for me!).  Then, like an article on here (can’t remember which one), have a word you say, in this silently, that reminds you not to interrupt.  These both work for me.  People have noticed that I am quieter and I’m glad about that!
:o)

I agree with what the others have written. In addition, I have discovered that my thought may not really be relevant! I have all kinds of thoughts, which, upon reflection, I am glad I didn’t say. Besides, one who really listens is thought to be a great conversationalist!

You have received some great feedback here! 

That verbal impulsivity that gets in our way socially is a very common complaint that I hear from my adult clients with ADD—and I’ve had my share of struggle there as well!  I agree that it helps to keep in mind the purpose of the conversation (is someone telling your their troubles, are you getting to know the other person, or are you exchanging ideas?), as the appropriateness of any response depends on the context of the conversation. 

So many times when we want to interject, what we are thinking about saying won’t really add to the conversation or the exchange, it’s just something we feel like we want to get our of our heads.  Of cousre, that’s when we usually make social blunders! 

You could try asking yourself a “reminder” question that makes sense to you:  who will benefit from what I’m thinking about saying, is he/she actually looking for a response, etc.  I’m sure there are others you could come up with.

The hardest part, of course, is forcing yourself to “pause” in the moment, focus on what the other person is saying (rather than what is going on in your own mind), and think before you speak.  It takes practice, but I believe it’s something you can learn to do.

A couple silly tricks that can help while you’re practicing “being present” in conversations:  typing what the other person is saying with your fingers can work as a form of fidgeting that quiets your mind (sounds odd, I know, but if you do it subtly, no one will be the wiser!); and consciously place your tongue behind your front teeth when you’re listening, and hold it there.  It’s a suprisingly easy way to force yourself to pause!

Just a few thoughts.  Hope there’s something in there that helps!

Good luck,

Lynne A. Edris, ACG
Life & ADD Coach
http://www.CoachingADDvantages.com

Thank you all for some really good advice. The “keeping your yap shut” rule has some real wisdom behind it. This has really made me reconsider why I always thought it was so important to put my two cents, so to speak into the conversation. I was not going to reply to all your great comments, but old habits die hard!