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Long intro post (sorry) suggestions welcomed

I am a 32 yr old mom to 2 boys. I have ADHD (inattentive) and am in college. My 11 yr old has ADHD (impulsive) and a growth disorder. My 7 yr old has an anxiety disorder (most likely PTSD). My fiance also lives with us, he is 35.

We are having serious struggles with the 11 yr old. He is in trouble at school almost daily for being aggressive, disruptive,inappropriate and defiant.
His mood and behavior have made our house very uncomfortable. My 7 year old hides in his closet. I frequently cry at the drop of a hat. My fiance stays at work until almost bedtime, I think in hopes that he can come home to a quiet house? It’s miserable.

My 11 yr olds bio-father undermines anything we try to do as far as limits and boundaries. I know that without him being on board things won’t improve, but I fear a court battle. My son goes to his fathers Sat morning and comes home Sunday night. Other than that time his father has nothing to do with him. I handle all doctors and school.

I’m at a loss for where to turn. My son’s psychiatrist just keeps changing meds, his counselor antagonizes him, the school is doing everything they can but he gets so wound up he has to be sent home because he scares the other kids.
I’m in central NH and the next closest Dr that would see him in 1.5 hours away.

Replies

As I suggest so often here, my first course of action would be to read the book “The Explosive Child.” It changed our family.

There’s a great article on ADDitudeMag.com, ” Anger Management for ADHD Children,” http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/7951.html. This may help as well.

The bottom line is really that parenting a child with ADHD can’t be an “us vs. the child” situation. You have to work WITH your child to find strategies and solutions to cope with their differences.

Start by showing empathy and you will see an immediate change. Follow that with a calm and neutral discussion on what has caused upset/anger. Then discuss appropriate options in the same situation—this shouldn’t be a lecture but a true brainstorming discussion with your child. This has to be done each and every time they have inappropriate behavior. It will feel redundant. You will ask yourself why you have to repeat the same thing over and over. But that is life with a child with ADHD.

What is truly paramount through all of this is to remain CALM. It is monumentally tough, but the only way to diffuse heated moods.

Keep working with his doctor too in order to optimize his medication and treatment.

Penny
ADDconnect Moderator & Mom to Tween Boy with ADHD and LDs

Posted by adhdmomma on Jan 13, 2014 at 7:30pm

I realize calm and patience are the standard answers but that is not working.

Posted by msmouse99 on Jan 14, 2014 at 3:51am

Hi msmouse99!

Calm and patience are just the first step so you can communicate without escalating the situation.

Check out Dr. Greene’s site (http://livesintheblance.org) and read his book (mentioned above) as soon as you can. He spells out a whole system/process for working with kids with neurobehavioral disorders to improve behavior and the family dynamic. It truly changed our household!

He also has an expert webinar on ADDitudeMag.com that you can listen to or read the transcript from: http://www.additudemag.com/RCLP/sub/10272.html

Penny
ADDconnect Moderator & Mom to Tween Boy with ADHD and LDs

Posted by adhdmomma on Jan 14, 2014 at 6:55pm

Is it possible you could share what the growth disorder is called? My son has Klinefelter’s Syndrome and I was wondering if that’s it.

Posted by chrisd on Jan 15, 2014 at 8:31am

chrisd my son has Pituitary Dwarfism. I came across a description of Klinefelters in my a&p text the other night. Does your son do GH therapy? I can’t remember the details, only that it is endocrine based. I don’t know anyone around me who’s hold has a growth disorder.

Posted by msmouse99 on Jan 25, 2014 at 10:11pm

Since my intro post my son’s psychiatrist has washed his hands of us. We are waiting for an evaluation appt at DHMC in April.
His therapist has given up as well.  We’re trying to switch him to someone else, hopefully male.
School is still a mess too. His grades are dropping now. He told me yesterday that the kids in his class don’t like him and are mean to him. All the kids in our school have chrome books, when I read through the messages they send I have to agree they’re being awful. No wonder he’s acting out in class. He feels like everyone hates him!

The only thing we can do at this point is make the best of it until the new round of evaluations are finished. I checked into support groups or classes for us but there is nothing scheduled in our area right now. It’s so frustrating to look for help and get a lecture on how there’s “no magic pill that can fix him.” I’ve been dealing with this for years, I know that. I just wanted a better way to interact with and support my son. :/

Posted by msmouse99 on Feb 08, 2014 at 8:11pm

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