Couples Where Both Partners Have ADHD
I don’t even know where to start, but I’m just so miserable. Both of us have ADHD and were diagnosed late in life. I was diagnosed first and have been trying to work on issues and deal with them. Sometimes I am great, sometimes I am a complete failure. Work is a lot better. He’s not changed much. I hoped medication would help, and it did for a while—he was much less grumpy and yelled less, but it definitely didn’t cure all.
Our biggest problem is that we don’t pay any attention to each other. When we met, it was very all encompassing. Looking back now, we were definitely hyperfocusing on each other. I thrived in the attention. Very soon after we married things fell apart—we had a baby pretty quickly and from then on we stopped really paying attention to each other. All we do is fight. It’s just such a struggle to get through everyday life with us both working and taking care of the kids. He feels like he does everything, but I feel like things aren’t done right unless I do them. He may “do” a lot—but he doesn’t “finish” anything and I can’t deal because he leaves a wake of chaos that makes me want to run away since I don’t know how to jump into the middle of it.
I’m starved for attention. I don’t feel like he notices I’m alive. He spends all of his free time on the computer or his stupid smart phone. I get angry because I’m sad, but he doesn’t notice or care. He is always running off on some errand or another and doesn’t come back for long periods because he gets distracted. We don’t have a physical relationship at all. I feel so alone and like I’m just going to die lonely. I feel so unimportant. It feels hopeless, but the thought of a divorce is too overwhelming I can’t see how that can happen.
There’s no question here, I guess. I just wonder if anyone else feels this way? How do I bring focus back to me?
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