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Marriage in crisis

My husband has ADD and is struggling with his goal of achieving a 4-year degree.  A chronic health issue limits him to on-line schooling, with his time available for studying being extremely limited to a couple hours per day, due to his health concerns. School isn’t working.

I have Asperger’s , which has added to the conflict in our marriage.  A unilateral decision I made 4 years ago led to my career taking over, and his was pushed aside.  It is a decision I regret wholly, but cannot undo.  He feels undervalued and understandably resentful.

As for our marriage, there’s not much left.  He no longer wears his ring.  He resents me, says he hates me, and is only here because he is trapped, staying for the sake of his children.  Unable to leave due to his illness.

Is there anything I can do do support him in completing school when his illness makes even one class seemingly impossible to conquer?  Is there anything I can do to actively support him?

Replies

First of all, know how to take care of yourself. Practice compassion for yourself as well as him. View him as a resourceful and creative person. Help him to see other perspectives. He may not be able to change his state of health, but he controls the time he is able to be more active. Even if it is one hour a day, that hour is gold. How he spends it is critical. I strongly recommend Open Focus as a way for him to maximize the quality of his active time each day.
Keep us posted.
Lisa Boester

Posted by Lisa Boester (lisa@artoflifeindy. Boester on Feb 19, 2014 at 6:33pm

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