Couples With One ADHD Partner
Firstly- let me say that I am the person who posted last week about the doc not wanting to prescribe stimulants. I shared with DH what the thoughts were and I think he would like to try a new dr. However, it is like he needs me to organize the new appointment for him. He doesn’t really act without me stepping in. With that said, we’ve been together for 20 years. I love him SO much. I think he loves me as much. However, since quitting his job 1.5 months ago, he has proceeded to sit on the couch or lay in bed day in and day out unless he has a certain event to go to. Nothing motivates him except for “big” things.
I left him a honey do list yesterday- which isn’t like me, but he has asked me to do it in the past. I put down basic things: 1) do dishes 2) clean the living room 3) figure out bills that are due next.
I got home and none of it was done. Not a huge surprise- not the first time something like this has happened. BUT- I’m so tired. I proceeded to lay into him and instead of getting angry and fighting back like I would expect, he was like “I’ll get up in a minute” very nicely. WHAT? So I proceed to start dishes and handle all of the things I had asked him to do. I expected him to come and take over. He never did. He did move from bedroom to the couch. And did do DS’s homework with him. That was it. All day/night- a 3rd grader’s homework was what he accomplished. I feel like he doesn’t care enough about me or the kids to even attempt to make our marriage work anymore. My boys are going to think that it is normal for the mom to do all the work, outside and inside of the household and dads just lay around all day. Is this his disorder? Is this just him- is he a lazy good for nothing? I don’t get it. I feel like saying “you have until Sunday to figure out if you want this marriage to work or not and tell me how you are going to make it work” but I feel that is harsh. However, 20 years back and forth like this- i also feel like an enabler. I feel crazy I guess- don’t know what to do. I can’t talk to friends or family- they would think I’m crazy for staying with such a “lazy” person. Any advice? Sorry for yet another LOOOONG post.
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